someone please help me. i'm so messed up right now, i went to work this morning to try to participate in a review, but 5 min before the start i called co-worker running the mtg, left a message to tell him i had to leave. then i left msg with boss too. neither were at their desk.
last night was hard, H asked some very hard questions, but they were fair questions, he has a right to ask anything he wants. he has a right to know about his life. he has a right to know about his wife. but some stmts and questions were full of harsh judgements. it was understandable, i tried my best to answer honestly and opennly but this is all so new for me to be facing too. i have not even given IC exact details of what was going on as i met some of these people from the internet. i knew i was going to have to, if i was going to be able to heal, heal from damage i created for myself. but everything has been going so fast these last few weeks. IC wanted me to take a little more time for myself but i just had to confess when i did, i had turned a corner, the final blindfold had been taken away, i just had to do it. it seemed so urgent then, i couldn't let another minute go by without letting H know everything. I couldn't let him be mislead by not having all the information anymore. i finally saw and understood the damage that was causing, the betrayal that was happening in the now by not telling him the rest.
i just wanted to go home, i had called the house phone and cell phone to check in with H, i honestly wanted to just see how he was doing. he did not answer.
on the way into work today i prayed and prayed, for God to help me, show me how to work with Him to do His will. i knew H was being overly judgemental but i couldn't let that effect me. i couldn't let that change my resolve to make ammends. I confessed that I really didn't know how to do this, that i needed Him to guide me. and i asked Him to comfort H. to work in his life now.
i'm so confused right now. confused is not right i'm just so broken. i want to leave and go home but i don't want to drive.
after trying to reach H and after posting here and the new topic about dreamcatcher, i saw believers topic, i had not seen it before. my heart was going out to her. so much pain here, it's hard to take. then i got to page two.
and this is what i was reading when H called me, posted by WillGetThruThis (a name i have never even seen before!!):
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> believer - Please read the whole thing. I 1st read your post, then went to check my mail before logging out & when I read this email you came to mind. It's uncanny
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SAUL TO PAUL - A MAN TOTALLY CHANGED BY GOD -
Do you really believe that God can change people? I love to hear the
testimonies of people having their life changed from drugs, alcohol
or immorality to becoming strong men/women of God.
"Why should any of you consider it incredible that God raises the
dead? é¸ too was convinced that I ought to do all that was possible
to oppose the name of Jesus of Nazareth. And that is just what I
did in Jerusalem. On the authority of the chief priests I put many
of the saints in prison, and when they were put to death, I cast
my vote against them. Many a time I went from one synagogue to
another to have them punished, and I tried to force them to
blaspheme. In my obsession against them, I even went to foreign
cities to persecute them." Acts 26:8-11
Do you believe that your Lord can change your spouse that way? The
answer to the question is "Yes!!" God is in the people changing
business. He touches people hearts and changes people completely from
the inside out. Sometimes it is instantly and other times it is a
spiritual process as a baby growing in the Lord.
The scripture above is Paul sharing his testimony to King Agrippa.
Paul was allowed to speak in front of King Agrippa to testify why he
should be set free. Paul was able to share his testimony of what
happened to him on the Damascus Road. He told King Agrippa about his
encounter with Jesus. Have you had an encounter with your Lord Jesus
Christ? Are you praying for your spouse to have a Damascus Road
experience like Paul? Saul was chosen by Jesus and God to become an
ambassador for the Gentiles. What is the Lord asking you to do?
Bob and I know of many people that came to know their Lord Jesus
Christ after their marriage fell apart. Your Lord is right there with
you, your spouse and children. He is wanting to show us His mighty
power. Nothing is too hard for the Lord to do! Believe in God's
mighty awesome saving power for your spouse and for all prodigals.
"'On one of these journeys I was going to Damascus with the
authority and commission of the chief priests. About noon, O king,
as I was on the road, I saw a light from heaven, brighter than the
sun, blazing around me and my companions. We all fell to the
ground, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, 'Saul, Saul,
why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the
goads.' 禅hen I asked, 'Who are you, Lord?' 'I am Jesus, whom
you are persecuting,' the Lord replied. 'Now get up and stand on
your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and
as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you.
I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I
am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from
darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that
they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who
are sanctified by faith in me.'" Psalm 26:12-18
This week we received an email from a man, who humbly asked a
question. Could he be the stander for his wife? He was the prodigal,
who committed adultery. The Lord has touched him, changed his heart,
but his wife will not forgive him. This story is not unusual to us,
as you probably know. We work with many prodigals who have been
touched by their Lord, repented and have had a life changing
experience. Unfortunately, many women, men and churches will not
forgive spouses or friends and are holding grudges, anger, bitterness,
and unforgiveness toward this person and many are confessing
Christians. Please pray for these special standers, prodigals coming
home to their Lord and wanting to be forgiven by their family!
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men
their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15
Oh, that we all would learn what it really means to be a Christian. It
is easy to be a Christian until we are tested or have trouble in our
marriage or at work. That is when we all learn about applying the
principles and precepts to our personal daily walk with the Lord. That
is when we remember our wedding vows, "For better or worse...till
death us do part." Oh, that we would learn what is to love your
spouse unconditionally. Oh, that we would learn how to forgive our
spouse of sins of sexual immorality knowing that the Lord will teach
us and give us the grace, mercy and love to do so. They are many
wounded spouses who have unforgiveness due to their childhood, that
they are not even able to show love and know how to treat their spouses
lovingly. Ask the Lord if you need to forgive someone. Then wait on
the Lord and be ready to starting forgiving others. This will heal
you of your own pain and hurts. Then ask the Holy Spirit to pour the
spirit of forgiveness and unconditional agape love on you and your
spouse.
Many of you are thinking, "How can I believe that God can change my
spouse when my spouse says, é¸ will never, never come back. I really
never loved you. You need to get on with your life as I am with
mine.'" Bob and I cannot possibly write all the words that prodigals
say to their spouses to destroy any hope or belief that they would
ever change their mind or heart to return home.
I received a telephone call from a stander this week sharing a praise
report. Last Christmas their marriage looked hopeless in the natural
eye with the other person pregnant. Last Friday, her husband called
her and met with her and told her that he has never stopped loving her.
He loves her, now the Lord has to reveal to him how to come back home.
God can and does touch these men and women. God created them and sent
His Son, Jesus, to died on the cross for them and their sins. Don't
give up! God is moving every day in different ways in every one of
your spouses lives. Remember Saul! Keep your eyes on your Lord and
not on your spouse. Keep growing and maturing in the Lord. Be
burdened and pray for all your family members to be saved. Pray for
all marriages around the world to be restored and for them to be as
God created them to be.
Let's pray a scripture, found in Acts 26:18, that is so powerful:
"Lord, we pray this for every prodigal who is away from you. Lord,
we pray this for every spouse that is in the pigpen of life away
from their families. Lord, open their eyes and turn them from
darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they
may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are
sanctified by faith in me. Lord, go and bring your prodigals home
quickly. Amen."
I am certain that any and all prodigals who have returned home, (and
there are many) are very thankful that their spouse did not give up
on them! Don't give up on your spouse! God is able!
God bless,
Charlyne Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
Post Office Box 10548
Pompano Beach, Florida 33061
http://rejoiceministries.org http://stopdivorce.org - - - - -
VOTE early, if possible, or vote on November 2. Pray for God's
will to be done. How should you vote? "Vote Christian!"
- - - - -
Visit the Rejoice Restoration Bookstore -
http://stopdivorce.org - - - - -
Are you being strengthened and encouraged by "Charlyne Cares"? Join
us in proclaiming, "God Heals Hurting Marriages" by becoming a partner
with us in Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Sow seed in fertile soil and
be blessed by your Lord -
http://rejoiceministries.org/ucanhelp.html - - - - -
Listen to Rejoice Marriage Ministries three radio programs to help
keep you standing strong -
http://rejoiceministries.org/radio.html - - - - -
The best news -
http://rejoiceministries.org/salvation.html Court? -
http://stopdivorce.org/index.php?viewItem=00216&viewCat=2 Add our link to your page-
http://rejoiceministries.org/link2us.html Share a praise report-
http://rejoiceministries.org/testimony.html - - - - -
Scripture quoted by permission and are from the Holy Bible; New
International Versionｮ Copyrightｩ 1973, 1978, 1984 by International
Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All
rights reserved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just ask God what to do.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i knew i had to leave the office, i was not sure where to go, i was not sure if going home was a good idea for me right then, to be around H. i desperately wanted to be with him, needed to be with him, but that would be thinking about my need not his. so i was just reading here instead, trying to get myself balanced out again.
half way thru reading the above H called me. he saw that i had tried to reach him on his cell. after he told me he was on his way to his mom's i told him i was going home. he asked why, i said i just could not be here. he asked me if i wanted to go into a chat room. and although a fair question, one i cannot blame him for asking, it hurt so bad. i don't want to go in a chat room ever again in my life. i quietly told him no.
then he totally blew me away. he said cuz if you were having that urge, i want you to come to me first instead and tell me.
Guys, he wanted to help me.
and i thought last sat night when he held me so tight, knowing more bad news was on the way, and yet being willing to not only wait, but to hold me like that would go down as the most loving thing he has ever done. and now this.
it's just too much to deal with, although i think typing it all out has helped. i'm not crying now but i'm so drained. i just want to be home. but that unfortunately requires driving. i think in a few more minutes i will be ok. thanks for listening.
<small>[ October 29, 2004, 09:55 AM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>
