SC, I just noticed your W's age. Wow, she's really young, not that you are that old either. Sorry, but I'm 49 and my H is 53. What is coming to me is that with age hopefully comes some self-awareness. Your W might have some growing up to do, even separate from the A, if that makes sense. The thing is you have to figure out your bounderies and what you can handle. My H was extremely fogged out, but he knew there were things that were dealbreakers for me. For some MB folks here they might have other dealbreakers.

I hope people who have had much more experience than me will respond to your post. Hang in there. CV

You're right again, CV. She does have some growing up to do. Emotionally, mentally, and especially spiritually. I'll try to keep hanging in there. Thanks for the encouragement.

Update-

My WW called late (after appointed time) at 7:20 to say that she would be a little longer....til 9ish. Then she calls after 9 and says that she wants to go see a movie. She said that she was just really enjoying spending time alone. She said that she was by herself.

This is what seems strange to me....she has never gone to a movie alone. She came home well after the movie should have ended and she had plenty of time to get home. She told me to just trust her. How can I when she acts so suspiciously. She had some lame excuses for why it took her so long to get home. I suspect that she was with someone. I suspect that she justifies it because they are just friends. No harm, right? That's what I think she is thinking. I have a hard time believing that she spent over 15 hours all by herself. Plus she took a change of clothes with her and changed in between going to the mountains and going shopping and seeing the movie. She normally doesn't care that much about her appearance when she is by herself.

I don't know what to do. Instead my trust building for her, it is crumbling even more. Perhaps she was being honest but even still, it bothers me that she went to such great lengths to spend the whole day away from me. She keeps pulling away it seems, every chance she gets.

SC, I only have a few minutes to write, but let me ask you this question. What do you want and what do you deserve? Your W had an A, and now she is acting like she is having an A. Whether she is or not, she is being very disrespectful towards you. That is BULL&&&&. As long as you keep doing what you're doing, so will she. I would say that if you don't trust her your gut is telling you something. Sometimes I feel that the BS allows the FWS to hold all the cards to their recovery. Remember that you do have choices here. You can not make her do what she doesn't want to do, but you don't have to go with her dysfunctional program either. Just my 2 cents! CV

So what are my choices? I confronted her about it when she got home. She denies it of course. Says she was by herself all day. I can give her the cold shoulder....that's about it. I don't know what my other options are. Please tell me.

SC, I wish I had the answers and could tell you what to do. When my H was in his A I came straight out and asked him several times if he was having an A. I actually thought he would tell me the truth if he was. What finally led to the truth is that I sent him several e-mail letters basically saying I felt emotionally Ded, there was no sex in our M, and it seemed like he was having an A. Basically told him either we work on our M or I can't have this kind of M. I think he knew on some level I was going to leave him when he began telling the truth. The A also bothered him.

In our case, once he ended contact I really didn't feel that gut uneasiness anymore. Withdrawal was hell, but I felt like he had ended it. He now comes home the same time every day, and I know if he has a meeting or something. We talk during the day, and spend a lot of time together. What you are explaining just doesn't feel right. Maybe you should put this out there with a different subject heading asking those more experienced MBers for advice.

You need to know if she is starting up another A. At the very least she does not seem to understand the pain she caused you, and is still causing you. If she continues to blow off your feelings and do whatever she wants, and won't work on recovery, then you do have choices. Why don't you think about what your choices might be? I'll tell you that one choice is staying in the place you are right now. That's fine if you want that.

I am sorry for your pain. There is nothing worse than a fogged out WS. CV