If you've read any of my posts you know that I'm still on the rollercoaster. I'm feeling better today almost ready to get off and be me.

But...there is always a but. My H feels so guilty and I think that his mind is playing tricks on him. He really thinks he has a terrible disease. he feels worthless.

I believe that it is all in his head. He is coming up with symptoms that would lead you to believe he does have some horrible disease. But all the tests are negative.

My question is how do I help? I tell him that I know he's really sorry and wish he could turn back time. I can't tell him it's OK, but I can move on. I can and I do forgive. this is just something we both have to live with.

He can't see it. He says there is no way that this is all in his mind. He feels so sick and he's in pain. He doesn't think he needs his IC anymore or AD's. He asked last night how much can one person take? How much more does he need to suffer?

What can I do? I want to help him heal and us too. Has anyone be through this? Lemonman's last post to me was right on. How do I get my H to listen and get the help he needs?

I'm really worried now. When he's away we talk all the time, always have. He calls me at night and during the day. last night I asked him to call me this morning but nothing yet. I've left messages on his cell now I'm calling the hotel.

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Maybe a different IC if it isn't working out with this one.

His physical symptoms could be side effects from the A/D's. I had horrible anxiety attacks and headaches when I was on Lexapro. I'm on Effexor XR now and doing much better.

If it's guilt well the only cure for that is time.

C.

Thanks for your reply Shmaley. H thought he was stronger than what his IC told him. He felt better and took himself off the ADs.

Anyway today I left a number of messages on his cell phone and finally called the hotel. When I called, they had no record of H staying there. I called the neighboring city and hotel with the same name...still no record of H.

Finally he called late this afternoon. He said that after two days they had already booked his room and he had to move. Funny how you don't mention this to me on the phone. let me find out on my own.
Almost everyone here knows about this "trust issue" H was surprised said he didn't think i'd call the hotel...never did that b4. Well I think i'll be doing a lot of things I never did b4.

Regards:

At the risk of truly upsetting you I think it is clear as day (to me atleast) that your H is still being unfaithful. It all makes sense now. He is so guilty for WHAT HE CONTINUES TO DO that he is manifesting actual phyical signs of his internal conflict. Please don't let anyone on this board let you think that his forgetting " to tell you about the hotel change" was an innocent mistake. You are probably NOT in recovery. You seem like an intelligent and kind woman, if you TRULY look inside yourslef, you probably know why he continues to act like this. I am sure that this is so painful for you. I don't think that I have further advice to you that would be considered "marriage building" so I am just going to wish you luck and keep quiet with further opinions. Prayers for you tonight.

up down..up down...flip....the rollercoster.

I've been asking him the same thing over and over. Each time I get the same response. That was my first and only time I ever did that.

We decide he needed to see IC again and maybe this time I would attend with him. His IC suggested this early on. Only now I'm so afraid. I want to know the truth but can I handle it?

When I read FL thread about telling her H everything, I noticed the struggle she was having and wonder if that was what my H was going through.

Maybe he needs the IC with him to tell me about his past. I don't(can't) believe that he's cheating right now, he does have these symptons and seems sincerely upset.

You seem like an intelligent and kind woman

Thanks I needed that!

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Reagrds:

I sincerely hope that he is not cheating but how can you reconcile in yoour mind calling him and him NOT beibng registered at the hotel. At he evry least you have to have red flags. You have to. Anyways, I had a discussion with a collagie today at work with regards to having internal conflict and manifesting physical signs of it. My friend admitted to me he was unfaithful to his wife when he was a resident and contiued with this affair for 1 year while lying to his wife and family about it. He said he was so distraught over his continued betryal of his wife that he actually suffered from symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. He said he saw umpteens Neurologists who always declred him "healthy". It wasn't till AFTER he stopped the affair and confessed did his "Multiple Sclerosis" symptoms dissappear. I am not saying that this is your H but it is at least food for thought. Take care.

Thanks for replying LM

powerful stuff that mind of ours!

I just got off the phone with H. Sometimes I think he's in a fog. He can't believe that I feel we have marriage problems. His sickness should be our our biggest concern, he feels I'm making myself crazy over one stupid mistake he made. As far as not mentioning the hotel change, should be no big deal.

He has a clue how this whole trust issue is affecting me.

I don't know, my gut tells me there is more.
I have to go to sleep now....early day tomorrow.

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Thought a lot about the hotel change. I really don't think he'd have to lie. he was already out of town, who cares which hotel.

Unless.... is a devious plot and I dropped him off at the airport only to have a whore pick him up, pretending he's going on a business trip? Maybe he's on a fing Golf trip again? Maybe he had a wild party at the first hotel and they kicked him out.

I get to retreive him from the airport today...gave me flight number and times, could all still be part of the devious plot mentioned above. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You see I think it's just his selfish, inconsiderate self....doesn't think about trust issue or about us having problems. He feels he has fixed that, now all is about his health.

I am afraid that he could go into a deep depression if we don't get help soon. Has mentioned a few times of jumping off a building, in front of a train and he's very happy we don't own a gun.
H Feels terrible about his dirty deed but is more upset about his symptons than the actual deed. I'm just the opposite I hate the deed and can deal with the symptons. I just think to be so upset, even after so much of his EN's being ment, and if it's the guilt thing then there may be more to tell. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

can you prove the bussiness trip? receipts for the accounting dept or something? i know when my hubby has to do things for bussiness there is always ways to prove it.

i have to say it sounds like severe guilt eating at him....your in my prayers

nikko, yeah I can. he has to expense all his business trips. I'll get receipts today.

I hate all this stuff. Why couldn't he see what his stupid actions could cause? Now he has an untrusting wife, guilt gilore and hours and hours of work to undo the damage.

Where is that blanket I can pull up over my eyes?
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