Hello All,
I maybe making something out of nothing, but WW call last night to give update on kids and as conversation went, she had asked how i was doing.
Told her i am making it, I missed not having you and kids around but i am alright.
Her reply is what puzzles me.
She Stated "For what it is worth, I miss you too."
What did she mean with the for what it is worth part???
I asked her about that and she said well you know you miss me and for what it is worth i miss you too.....meaning what??
Anyone care to interpret? Or am i way overanalyzing too much??
jets

Hi Jets,

I'd say that you are overanalyzing... Remember, listen to what your WW says, but BELIEVE her actions....

It's great that she said "I miss you too..." but try not to read anything into it. So she misses you... that's good! But don't start thinking that since she misses you, she's going to immediately come right home...

Hopefully she will, but for now, just accept her words at face value... You have to protect your heart and if you start playing the "this is what I think she means game..." then you'll just be setting yourself up for a big dissapointment.

Continue to Plan-A her and work on yourself... then see if her actions match her words.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Yeah, I get the I miss you crap too...."I miss you....I'll ALWAYS love you..." etc etc. Those words are mixed in with we're NOT getting back together. Listening to their words and believing in their actions sounds like good advice.

-Caren

Thanks for replies RF, CM
True i should watch more of her action than put too much into what she says right now.
WW comming over tonight with Kids to help in carving out the pumpkins for Halloween. I asked her what she was going to do. She stated i could drop the kids off and make it a guys night for you and the boys, if you want. I said it is up to you, it wouldn't bother me if you wanted to stay and watch. She said ok that was what she thought she was originally going to do, but didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable. I said it is up to you. So i guess she will be comming over. She also stated that she wanted to pick up more clothes for the kids for the weeks she has them. So i guess she trying to make it look like she has another reason for comming tonight other than to watch us carve pumpkins.
I guess will cont. to plan A and see how next week pans out for her d/t she will not have the kids for that week. She stated that she will be trying to pick up some addtl. hours next week to make up for this week. I am sure she will see OM sometime next week. She states her apt. is still unorganized and stuff still in moving boxes, states has not had a lot of time this week to unpack d/t running kids to there activities. I figured she have that place tip top shape by now for OM for next week. Who knows that maybe what she will be doing this weekend.
Told her last night that i have close that chapter in the book with us but have not closed the book. She asked what i meant by that. I said that i close chapter with her on this whole mess with the last 3mo. and A and all but have not closed the book on us. She stated that she hasn't neither.
Who knows. Have to keep telling myself to look at her actions vs her words.
jets

Seems like you need to take a hard look at your PLAN A. Refine YOUR PLAN. What is it? I'm saying this because there are lots opportunities for you to put YOUR PLAN into play during the pumpkin carving. I would recommend focusing in on YOUR PLAN rather than what she is saying while she is in FOGGYLAND.

MIMI,
Do you think i am becoming a doormat, or the safety net. I guess if i am doing a plan B i am doing a lousy job of it. I haven't offcially sent a Plan B letter. I have kind of wanted to wait to see where she still is with OM next week then maybe send it, if he is still strong and in the picture.
Are you saying relook at plan A? Or my plans??
jets

Yes. Need to do a SUPER JOB with PLAN A before moving to PLAN B.

jets...

Told her i am making it, I missed not having you and kids around but i am alright.

cut that needy emotional stuff right out of your plan A...

cut it out now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's exactly what she expects...
exactly....

you may want to consider ignoring her some tonight....
I know that sounds wierd....
but you letting her have complete access to all the good stuff...just denies and prolongs the consequences of her actions....

perhaps even call her back and tell her she really doesn't have to come over tonight...
but I don't want to play your kids in this....

I would make sure the house looks great...
have music and pizza....and live it up with the kids....and let her see you and them in action....

no more I missed you.....

ARK

thanks MiMi and Ark,
Ark i keep trying to tell myself that to stand strong and don't let her know that this whole separation thing is bothering me, but once i start to talk with her about the kids i find my self falling into that trap about showing interest in her. I guess this leads to the needy attitude that i have been portraying to her. It is hard to do the opposite of what you really want to do.
Sometimes wonder if she really will interpret this as "HMM....guess he really doesn't need me in his life.....so i guess i will move on as well!" Not what i want her to interpret. Maybe that is why the needy side of me comes out.
I hate playing these stupid games. Why can't she just see the bottom line. It is that stupid alien in her that won't let her see what is right for us and our family.
jets

Yes! She has been abducted by an alien!

I think it's helpful to walk a thin line between being perceived that you can "move on" while at the same time working on YOUR PLAN.

I think, looking back on it, that PLAN A is just as helpful to you personally. While working on becoming the best husband/wife you can be, you are working on becoming a better person. The key is to try to focus on changing yourself. You have no control over her.

Mimi,
Taking yours and Arks advice.
Do you think i should ask her anything about where her thoughts are on us and OM. I am thinking i probably shouldn't d/t it is relationship talk again, been trying to avoid that since she moved out,and also i probably will not like the answer i am going to get.
I know i will see her a few times this weekend d/t kids football games and halloween with the kids.
I also feel i need to portray i am ok, and so a little disinterest in her but no LB, but no hugging,relationship talk, or talk outside of the kids. etc.
This will be hard d/t amount of time we will see each other this weekend, but gonna to have to try to resist those temptations.
jets

What are her primary Emotional Needs? What do you need to address in your PLAN A?

Thinking in these terms willl help you come up with a plan for your interactions with her.

If you have a battle strategy, you will feel a lot stronger when you are with her.

You're in a war to save your marriage.

YOu are overanalysing this. Don't do this to yourslef please.

Lemmonman,
Your right i think i am way overanalyzing this.
Just going to sit back and not look for anything tonight. Just be me , no LB, just focus more or less on the kids tonight. Whatever is said to me by her, i will try and just let it roll off my shoulders. Because as everyone is saying her actions will speak louder than her words right now.
Maybe i should look at this weekend like this:
- How i see it is , she is out of house, not looking to run back to me anytime soon.
-Unfortunately, her head is still with someone else,and i cannot drive myself nuts thinking or trying to rationalize with her about this.
- So just going to think of myself and kids this weekend and let her be the one to initiate any conversations outside our kids. No LB's though.
-Try not to overanalyze or overreact to anything said because it is the alien that i am hearing and seeing not my true wife.
How does that sound?
jets