Lets break this down...

use your logical medical oriented mind to process what you are saying....

I have not wavered. I was reacting to something my wife said 3 wks ago at the start of recovery.

realize that for your wife..recovery has started for her over and over again....

recovery has had great meaning to her many times...
and now just because you claim recovery again...
this time it magically has meaning....
and should be used against...

she has all along wanted nothing more than to recover from this...

logical??

it made it seem to me she was ready to jump at any moment.

yet you jump and leap away from her and away from your family over and over and over again...


logical??

when dadto...are you going to stop the visiting of such chaos and cruelity in to your family's life?

When dadto...are you going to seek compassion

I was reacting to something my wife said 3 wks ago

how is your reaction helping anything.....

dadto...
your orchestration of this is so misguided
your pain must be great to stab and attack back like you do....
when are you going to free yourself from your pain...
turn your back on your own actions that are toxic

aren't you exhausted yet....

your lashing out just causes the wounds to fester...

where is the bigger picture...
where is your goal...

ark

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dadto3boys:
I have not wavered.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I couldn't get past your first sentence <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Yes, Dad, you have wavered... you have wavered over and over.

Tonight, take the opportunity to read a bedtime story to your boys.

Read "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"

And know this... you are wavering when you point your guilty yet accusing fingers at your wife.

You are not behaving as a loving husband when you accuse your wife to avoid your own guilt.

Stop it.

She needs your protection. With every action you take or word you speak toward your wife for the next 6 months..*stop* and ask yourself, "Is this going to protect my wife or cause her stress?" Then act/speak accordingly in order to protect her.

Pep

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 11:57 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

D23B,
Geez...I'm going out on a limb here...due to the lashing I got last time...but I do feel I have something to offer...so if my limb breaks..I'm a little more prepared for it.

Dad...you said...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She wants NC between me and OC because of this. I know when OC gets older there is a good chance it winds up with us like her son has done with his dad. The OW focus now is not any chance of me going to her. She got her girl now she wants to keep her all to herself. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are REALLY TRULY...going through withdrawal now...I think the interaction between you and XOW...really bothered you...more so than you're letting on... and I'm reading between the lines. I think you were hurt and angry on many levels...and the insecurity at home..made you lash out at M23B.

Relationships...have a natural flow...you know this...I'm not telling you something you don't know.

The FORMER relationship you had with XOW... is compounded greatly due to the OC...and there is no closure...it's uncomfortable..and it's awkward..and there's all those feelings you just don't know what to do with.

No Contact...is protecting YOU...just as much as it's protecting your M..and your W...and your boys.

You haven't given yourself enough time to really digest all that's going on around you. Give yourself a little more time to get through this period. It can be VERY difficult.

Everyone has feelings.....and although your actions in the past may warrant the 2 X 4 here and there..you're still a recovering FWH..and your feelings count as well.

The feeling you had...about M23B...and the old flame...are SO NORMAL for this stage of the recovery process. Once the WS REALLY ends the A...they have that nagging feeling that what happens if I've chosen this path..and my BS ends up leaving ME now ?

Give yourself more time... a LOT more patience.... M23B is doing her very very best to eliminate all LBs..and she keeps stepping up to the plate...working on your M... you have to work on the LB thing too.

I see that you really turned the corner this time. This isn't easy Dad... no one here will claim it is. But it IS worth it. Just hang in there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The feeling you had...about M23B...and the old flame...are SO NORMAL for this stage of the recovery process. Once the WS REALLY ends the A...they have that nagging feeling that what happens if I've chosen this path..and my BS ends up leaving ME now ?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True I feel vulnerable to that after all I did I would have left I think.

It is a conflict for me not to help XOW on some level but I can't as it hurts my marriage. That may be why I lashed out. I was also angry at myself for putting my wife into a position I could not have dreamed up a year ago. She would never have thought that in a million years. I need to get control of myself. I did the classic transferance and displaced my anger and self loathing onto my wife. I stopped today and we are better but I must stop hurting her to hurt myself for what I did.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you really really get it, what's with the name calling and the nastiness over her going to her father or threats of separation stuff? These two things are incongruent, so which is it? You get it or you're nasty?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I get it and I can be nasty. I need to stop.