I have a question about exposing the affair that my wife is having. I was wondering if I should send this letter to, say about, 30 or so of her relatives and friends if this would do more harm then good. We are at a state of limbo, we just exist as brother & sister and it sucks. I have told some close friends and relatives already and I am getting the impression that nobody seems to care but me. I have noticed that the close friends that we did have pre-affair she no longer has nor does she want to talk to.

My (spouse name) is involved in an affair with (name). I love her very much and want to do whatever I can to heal our marriage and keep our family together. This relationship is coming between us and making it impossible to address issues in our marriage. Please encourage (spouse name) to do the right thing, end the affair and recommit to the marriage.

I look at it this way I am treating my marriage as an election and I am campaigning for my marriage.
Just need some advice.

Dennis

Dennis, I really like Wats concentric circle model:

At the center is the WS....they are the first to be told what you know and how you know it. Just outside of that circle is the other BS (if there is one). Together...they are the first line of defense against no contact. If contact ends....exposure goes no farther. If contact continues after it has been revealed to them....close family (parents, siblings on both sides) plus a trusted pastor or priest... are the next circle. If contact ends...it goes no further. If contact resumes, close friends/neighbors who are also friends of the marriage would be informed. If contact still continues....the last circle are work and church.

Your exposure letter is one of the best I've ever come accross...and if the early exposure has no effect, I urge you to send it out to those you feel are close enough to your wife to help.

You might want to add, the reason you are exposing the affair is because if you keep it a secret, you will be helping them to continue their affair. As you already mention you are doing this out of love and to save your marriage. You will not be an enabler to their affair.

Of course put it in your own words. Just let them them know you are exposing the affair to save your marriage and not to hurt your WS.