I am going out of my head. I have been for days. Hell weeks now.
I don't know how to get the help I need to just make it through the day. I'm scared, hurt, and don't know where to turn for help. My WW pulls farther away when I'm like this. I'm more and more like this each day. So she pulls farther away each day. I keep thinking I've reached bottom, but then, the next wave hits, drags me down farther.
Everything is piled on so high, it's so heavy I can't bear it any more.
I've been in the hospital twice now....I don't want to go there again.
I keep hoping things with WW will get better, but each day, it's another arrow into my heart. Another whack on the head with a hammer. Another insensitive remark.
I try plan A; the only plan A I have any longer is making through till tomorrow.
Please if anyone can tell me where to turn, or how I can make it thru the days.....

thank you

Have you seen a doctor? If not, get on the phone and call one right now. You are not in a healthy place and need help. Please do not hesitate, this is too important. CALL NOW!!!!

Ditto Kloe.

Call the doc, make an *emergency* appointment, and let us know as soon as you've done it.

I don't want to go the dr's again. tired of that.
I've done that a few times now. I'm tired of condecending attitudes. Judgemental tones.
Mostly sick of nothing changing.

I want to be an emotional zombie.

I really can't go to a dr again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Naples:
<strong> I am going out of my head. I have been for days. Hell weeks now.
I don't know how to get the help I need to just make it through the day. I'm scared, hurt, and don't know where to turn for help. My WW pulls farther away when I'm like this. I'm more and more like this each day. So she pulls farther away each day. I keep thinking I've reached bottom, but then, the next wave hits, drags me down farther.
Everything is piled on so high, it's so heavy I can't bear it any more.
I've been in the hospital twice now....I don't want to go there again.
I keep hoping things with WW will get better, but each day, it's another arrow into my heart. Another whack on the head with a hammer. Another insensitive remark.
I try plan A; the only plan A I have any longer is making through till tomorrow.
Please if anyone can tell me where to turn, or how I can make it thru the days.....

thank you </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Naples are you on anti-d's??? It definitely sounds like you need them AND a good IC. The only way to stop this cycle is to take care of yourself and do what needs to be done to get better. And you know what that is? Most likely therapy and medication. You know what? I didn't like it either when I did it- I hated making the appt- and going through them and being emotionally tired...but I did it because it was the only way I was going to recover.

Please pick up the phone, call your dr and get in there. If you aren't happy with your therapist- find another one. If the meds you were prescribed aren't working, tell them and ask them to try soemthing else.

Please.

Hey Brother,

There isn't anybody on this earth worth killing yourself over. You said that you've lost all your self-respect, well I'm sure you've gained the respect of many people for working hard to salvage your marriage. At this moment you have to assemble the remaining shreds of self-respect and focus on yourself. Your wife did not make you so don't let her selfish actions break you. Otherwise might disagree, but my advice would be to walk you from this situation if you can't handle it anymore.

Naples -

Sounds to me like you need to RIGHT NOW take Dr. H's advice. This is HIS words from the Plan A/B link on the MB web-site:


"In general, I recommend separation when at least one spouse cannot control destructive behavior. An ongoing affair, of course, is one of those situations. Hence, plan B. But other situations such as physical and verbal abuse, where one spouse's mental or physical safety is as risk, are also grounds for separation. As in the case of infidelity, if one spouse is abusive, I often recommend plan A first, where, through negotiation (without anger, disrespect or demands), an attempt is made to overcome the abuse without separating.

But in some cases, the safety risks are so great that plan B should be implemented immediately, with no time for plan A."

Sounds like you might need Plan B NOW !!

Naples,

The feeling and stages you are going through are hard but survivable. Now the actions you take to help yourself through this period are critical to your recovery.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Call Steve Harley @ MB. Here is the link to the counseling info: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html

2. Listen to the suggestions to see a doctor. Ask for one familar who deals with anxiety attacks. You are NOT wacko. Just having difficulty of a very difficult situation. You will find that there are many who have dealt with this type of situation.

3. For some anti-d's are helpful. Breathing exercises do work in helping you get to a calmer level. Aroma therapy, mediation, running, hobbies, etc. are helpful. Getting sufficient rest, healthy diet along with drinking ample amounts of water are always a good thing. I know this sounds nutty but they do work.

4. Pray for a clear mind, a calm heart and patience.

5. Determine your support group and ask for their assistance. They don't have to know all the details. Support can be family, co-workers and friends, pets, neighbors, doctor, IC/MC, relatives, etc. Can even include a stranger in a store or casual acquaintance. Even a song, sound or other things can help us stablize. Strange but true.

6. Know that this will take time. Your allies are truth, time and your moral values. Stick to it. You don't want your WS back, you want your wife....the woman you married, not the one morphed one who is causing you great pain.

Remember to get help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

7. Vent here as needed. Read Surviving an Affair, His Needs/Her Needs (both by Dr W. Harley) and Love must be tough (Dr. James Dobson).

take care,
L.

<small>[ October 29, 2004, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

naples...see my reply to your post on the PlanA/B board.....The book on depression might really help u.

Hi Naples,

Come sta oggi?? Let us now how you're doing.

regards,

CKTC

Thank you all for your support and advice.
I did talk to a Dr.
Would like to say I'm fine, or much better; however, I'm not.
Just trying to deal with things.

I read that I should be doing certian things (plan A, making agreements with wife, moving forward, beginning to trust, etc, etc)
But I can't seems to get past the pain I feel.
It's huge.

A good friend told me, that I need to show my wife the man she fell in love with is still here. That I need to stop causing her pain by showing her my pain. That I need to "be a man".

Okay, if I for a moment discard all the depression, I still am so hurt inside. And not that I'm begging anyone for attention, but what about me?

I've read most of "Surviving an Affair" and "Love Busters", but I'm the only one. I can't do this alone.
Maybe my wife still has feelings for another man, or is in love with him. My wife is "guilty" of so many of the love busters and in so many ways, I can't even read these books any more. I keep finding new ways to define what I feel.
I'm in love with a woman who hurts me and doesn't know it, doesn't care, and who is so wrapped up in her own life she doesn't have time to work on a marriage.
I get so tired of trying to talk to her, because each time, she views it as confrontation. No matter what the subject. She still works with OM, I ask her to consider getting a new job: confrontation; She would rather go out alone or with friends: I try to make plans for us, she views that as my invading her privacy or space. Again confrontation.
I want to identify and sort out these issues: she just wants to move on.....confrontation.
The only way I can seem to predict what works: bury head in sand and ignore everything that hurts past, present, and future. Then I'll get it right.

I'm lost because don't know what to do, how to sort things out. Make things start working.
But I feel alone.

Naples- I'm sure one of the MB experts will chime in to give you some good advice soon!

I just wanted to tell you that I am concerned about you- and I really feel that your physical and mental health must be your first priority right now. What is your dr. suggesting?

You are not alone- we are here to support you.

Naples,

Glad you went to the doctor but you must realize you are NOT alone. Your W is not the woman you married right now and like many a WS will continue to seem alien-like in her current actions.

This is where is vital you now take the proper steps to take care of yourself and your family. Getting with a good MC or better yet, do that and do phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer @ MB will really help. Finish reading those books and read Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson. His Needs/Her Needs by Dr W. Harley is also good to have in your possession. Applying the info will come but you will benefit by taking the time to learn how to implement a good plan A and plan B.

Does this sound like a lot? It is but you don't have to do it alone. You can use this board to vent. Keep a journal. Check into separation and the divorce laws in your area. Secure your finances. Create a support group (friends, family, co-workers, doctor, IC/MC, MB counseling, children, neighbors, pets, prayer, even strangers we casually meet). Now your support doesn't have to know all or each detail but they will know how to support you. It can be as simple as a hug or a smile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Pray for a clear mind, a calm heart and lot of patience.

I personally know of a WS who tapped into the equity loan on their family home to fund her A. I know this WS very well.... (sad to say) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .
My son prays for their family almost every time he prays. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Now my best advice is to listen and learn what you hear from here. Implement what you can and work on improving you. It works. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take it from those of us who have been there, done that.

take care,
L.