Hello all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . It's been a while since I last posted.

Back in August my WW served me with divorce papers and moved her and her daughter in with the OM. She continued to lie to me and tried (unsuccessfully) to be sneaky and enroll our child in another school in the town she now lives in. Through our attorneys and some discussion between WW and me, we reached a temporary custody arrangement where our child lives with me during the week and remains here at his home school and then she gets him Friday night through Monday morning except alternating Sundays when I get him. On the Fridays she picks up our child from school, she usually stops here by the house to get some of her stuff or her mail and let the dog out while I am at work.

So that's how it has been for a couple months now. I never did go into Plan B, and I really didn't think that it mattered since I wasn't really sure that I would want her back after some of the stuff she pulled.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago she calls me and asks if we can have a "private" meeting. I asked her if she wanted to meet for lunch somplace and she said no, it had to be more private than that. I got a little suspicious and uneasy (I had been warned to avoid situations like this where she could trap me or make up something) so I told her that I couldn't do that.

Then this last Monday, she was bringing our son to school and called me to say he was sick and that since I was on my way to work she could stay at our house with him that day and study until I got home. I again was a little suspicious but agreed. A while later she called again and said our son wanted me to come home. So I left work and came home. When I got home she was studying and she got her stuff together and we talked for a couple minutes about our son (nothing that needed to be said in private) and she left. The next day I again stayed home from work sick. On Wednesday, when I got to work I got an e-mail from her that she sent that Monday afternoon. The e-mail reads:

I wanted to talk to you to find out if you still thought there was ANY chance we could still work things out. I know it would be asking a lot and I completely understand if you say no. I know I don't deserve another chance but I am asking for one and I am willing to do anything you ask. Again, I know I don't deserve another chance with you but I have really been thinking about this a lot and I think that you were right all along - and I can't believe how stupid I was to F*&^ up something so great. I should have given us a better chance instead of giving up so easy. Please just give it some thought and again, I will do anything you ask of me - even if it means giving up school.

Part of me really hopes she is serious. I don't know why, but part of me thinks it would be great to have the family together again. But part of me is also still suspicious. The e-mail to me sounds a little desperate. Is the OM kicking her out and she has nowhere to go, is this part of some plan to trap or hurt me somehow, or is she serious? She is still currently living with the OM.

I really don't want to be hurt by her again and think there are a lot things she needs to do and that she needs to be free of the OM before I can really consider talking to her about this or even having her come home. Like I said, I'm a little suspicious of her motive here.

What do you all think?

Lost,

I think that the blush has left the rose, the fantasy has been revealed, fog is clearing and there's trouble in paradise.

However, there are ways to demonstrate her sincerity before moving home...and conditions that you could put in place that would give you the security to try. Here's some that I can think of:

*She must move out of OMs house...but not into yours, so that she demonstrates that this is not about using you as escape.

*She must write and send a no contact letter to OM and come of up with a plan of extra-ordinary precautions to avoid him. (accountability for time and money, opening of her life, emails, phone bills etc)

*You guys will enter marriage counseling for a period of 6 months minimum should you reconcile.

*You will date for a set period of time before ever moving in together.

*She will have pregnancy and std testing to make sure there are no other complications.

*She must express remorse and understanding about why this happened....and give you any information you need to come to terms with what has happened to you.

Just wanting to come home is not enough anymore...she must demonstrate through actions, that are consistent over time that she can be trusted again, until such time that you are READY to consider remaining married.

This is why Dr. H sets the time limit for Plan B at around 2 years...because that's about how long the "attraction" phase of love lasts.

Good Luck

Starfish is right. Toss the email, and watch her actions. Words are cheap. My WH sent me all kinds of letters telling me what he was going to do. But he never followed up the words with actions.