</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by forgiven22:
<strong> Sad
I have follwed your post for a while now. It has been a month or so since I have posted and weeks since I read here. I have went backwards in some ways. I felt good for several weeks but the last few days have been in the dumps. I keep going back and thinking of what I have done and just can't seem to get past it. I want to make it right. I have and continue to work on things with m husband but feel this need to make it "okay" with OM. I hurt him as well and for some reason which I wish I could figure out- I care what he thinks! YUCK!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I welcome any words of encouragement....... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forgiven- I'm sorry I don't know your whole story...I have a bad bad memory and if I knew it all at one time I can't bring it all up in my mind!
That being said, I don't know if I'm the right person to encourage you. I'm still having trouble forgiving myself - and getting past the A's EIGHT years after the second one ended.
BUT, since you asked...I will give you my two cents (I'm opinionated if you hadn't noticed and never can resist an opportunity to spout off....)
It is hard getting past what we have done. I had a conversation about this with 2scared not that long ago...and there are a surprising number of WS who were the epitome of a *good girl* or *good boy* prior to our A's...and that golden image was seared in our brains- and was important to us or we would never have tried to obtain that moniker in the first place.
It hurts to have your self-image thrown off the shelf and crack into pieces on the floor. And it hurts more to witness first hand the pain that you have caused the one that you love.
NOW....that I have spewed that out...I remember a post not that long ago where someone administered an effective (IMO) 2 x 4...which was that if God can forgive you- who are YOU to not forgive yourself?
A very insightful question...and yet- it can be hard to answer truthfully.
I think in my case the fact that my H and I have never verbally come to terms with my A's....i.e. we discussed them BRIEFLY after dday- and that was it with the occasional mention when he was po'd at me have made me wonder if he has ever truly forgiven me...and I have had a hard time moving to self-forgiveness thinking that he is still in pain- and still has not forgiven me.
Don't know if that is your circumstance at all..probably from your username. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
What I think we should both focus on (and sorry- not sure if you are of the Christian faith or not- but I think so from what I remember) is that God HAS forgiven our sins...I believe that we have shown true remorse and have asked for forgiveness...and that if our God has forgiven us that we should also forgive ourselves for our all too human sins....
Does this make one bit of sense? Perhaps not...all I know is that writing it has once again put me in tears.. snif snif..
I need to get out of this funk...I sincerely hope you are not struggling with depression/anxiety...a true purgatory/hell on earth.
