Just checking in, FiM, to see how the weekend went and whether you decided to deliver your Plan B letter.... Hope all is well with you and the kidlets. Okay. Dork, too.

~ Snow

Bumping for FiM.

well....

Faith,

Your adoring fans worldwide are awaiting your update in the latest chapter of "Faith and the Dork."

Will the Dork see the light? Will Faith have to kick him out of the house? How will she kick him out of the house? Will he just up and go to SAT and the OW?

Inquiring minds around the world want to know and are waiting with baited breath.

Well! Hello! It continually amazes me that people check in here. Thank you for your prayers and concern and thoughts. (((MB)))

I've only got a second here so I'll try and be quick and come back later. I've got a lot of reading to catch up on here too.

The weekend went pretty good. I try to not get too hopeful though. Things can change in an instant.

WH came home on Thanksgiving. The kids and I were with my family and had a WONDERFUL time. I didn't realize I had missed my extended family quite so much. WH left 5 messages on the cell while we were there asking when we would be home. It was around 10 pm. We were having a great time and didn't want to leave.

When we got home, the girls ran downstairs to see him and he came up to say hi. After such a great day without him I really didn't have anything to say and was pretty reserved. He on the other hand, was trying to be affectionate and cuddly with me. Whatever!

I nicely asked him to not be that way in front of the kids because they aren't able to keep up with "the constantly changing dynamics of his commitment". So, he put them to bed and went to go back downstairs.

Well, I had gone to bed while he put everyone to sleep, and closed my door. He said goodnight...two or three times while going back to the basement and then I heard him come back to my room and ask if he could come in.

First thing he says is, "I LOVE what you've done with the room. It's so cozy and comfortable."

Thank you, I say. "Did you need more blankets or something?" (smile, head tilt. I'd missed that signature move <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

He just wanted to talk and told me how much he had missed me and was nervous about coming home because he wasn't sure how he'd feel seeing me again. Blah, blah. He decides that (for this moment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) he couldn't believe how stongly he felt when he saw me and is seriously questioning his previous actions.

Next day, he wakes up and goes to get me coffee while I make a big 'ol breakfast. Then, we went to Seattle for the day. That was very nice. We've done this for quite a few years and it was so much fun to walk around and shop together. We went to the same restaurant we have every year. More than once, I caught him looking away with tears in his eyes.

After we ate, we took the kids to see The Incredibles. I think it was good. I hear it was. I ended up in the bathroom for two hours getting sick. When the movie was over, we had to hurry the six blocks to the car and it took everything I had to make it the 30 miles home.

When we got back, he tucked me in and went to the store to get medicine and ginger ale. I ended up letting him sleep on the couch that night so he could hear the baby if he woke up. The baby didn't, but WH came in every hour to make sure I drank at least a little water. Sometimes he's okay.

Saturday. Hmmm. Saturday we hung out. I ended up feeling better by noon and so we all went to the mall....more shopping. I had been admiring a necklace and earrings while we were walking around and WH ended up getting them for me. He said he wanted to see me wear something he bought for me agian. That one is a typical "Dork" line. That night we went home and all curled up to watch a movie.

Then, Sunday he put up the Christmas lights and left.

Dang it, baby crying. Be back with the rest later.

Hi Faith,

It sounds like you had a busy Thanksgiving. Just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers.

Are you still planning to give your WH a plan B letter soon?

Songbird

FIM,

I've been looking for your "report". Thanks for updating us. It sounds like you did very very well. No arguments, no fuss, no recriminations. Meanwhile, wherever he is, he's thinking ... thinking ... thinking ... ABOUT YOU.

... and the memory he'll have burned into his poor spinning brain will be you at your best.

Well done!

-AD

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 10:18 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

How long does it take to feed a baby, FiM? Dang!! I keep looking for you to finish your report!

Hey, seriously, sounds like it went well. Could've been better if he didn't go back to SAT, so we knows he's still traveling up Fog Highway.

Keep us posted.

~ Snow

Yeah...I turned blue a long time ago...please continue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you are having a good weekend. Jersey Girl

Oh, oh. No posts probably mean that FIM is concentrating on her husband. I think if things were going poorly we would hear from her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Oh, oh. No posts probably mean that FIM is concentrating on her husband. I think if things were going poorly we would hear from her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believer:

I am with you on this one. FIM is no doubt winning her husband back as we speak. SHE must be commended. She is a fighter, and will clearly never quit to get this man to love her and her family. GOod for you FIM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Things have just been crazy and hectic here! I am supposed to be finishing up the kids room right now, but I had to take a break...and here I am.

I am having a great weekend. I've been having a great week overall <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But, I am not working on things right now with Dork. Not really. What I'm busy with is me and the kids and my job and our house. I made a commitment to spend as much time with them as possible because they complained that I was spending too much time on the computer.

They were right. I hope to get back here more often because I do find it helpful and uplifting, but with the additional time with them and my current work load, WHEW, I'm tired <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway, I'm not actively working on anything with Dork right now. I gave him the letter, he said he'd read it in SAT when he got there, he called before his plane left Seattle though and said he had already read it. He told me that he thought I didn't understand his intent, which was to cut off contact with OW, come home as soon as possible and work on our relationship while he was gone until he could get back here. Although I told him in the beginning that wouldn't work, by the end of the conversation, I had agreed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> that we could talk since he was so adament about believing this was the turning point in our marriage.

Well, he's occasionally been great about keeping in touch. More often than not, he's not though. His cell minutes still show he isn't keeping in contact with her and I know his bank account is very overdrawn so he isn't buying phone cards to call. The job he is looking at accepting right now is freelance and he could do it from here. So, that is what he says is holding up his final move right now. He still swears he wants to be home with me and tells me he loves me over and over in each phone call.

Honestly, I feel I let myself down in agreeing to keep in contact before he left. He said all the right things but I didn't make him DO those things before agreeing to continuing contact.

As far as I can tell he is out of contact, wanting to work on us and trying to move home. Those are the things I asked for. When we were talking he was so sincere and adamant about everything. I wasn't ready to go "Okay...everythings better." But I was willing to keep up the momentum that was started over the weekend. I am second guessing that.

It was great while he was here. But when I look at it, what felt so great for me was having HIM pursue me. I think that I let that 'high' of feeling pursued after being the pursuer for so long, affect my better judgement.

Even with him seemingly out of contact, trying to move home and working on our communication and trust, I'm not satisfied. I don't feel he is giving enough.

But I set the standard low enough to let it be enough at that time. And all because I felt good for a few days being pursued.

I'm trying to figure a way out of this situation. I am planning on getting an appointment with Steve as soon as I can to find some sort of direction.

Two months ago, what he is doing right now would have made me ecstatic. But I don't find anything special or particulary desirable about it now. I am left feeling like "So what". When he calls, I'm glad he did, but at the same time I think "woop-de-do! You want a medal for that?" He seems to be out of contact and I think, "Is he really?" or "You shouldn't have ever talked to her to begin with, Dork."

Gotta go AGAIN. Nothing like a screaming match between a ten and eight year old over who's wearing who's undies!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong>I'm trying to figure a way out of this situation.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Simple. Don't take his calls and listen to his words. OK. Take one more call. Tell him to reread the Plan B letter. Tell him it is what you want right now. No calls from him. No words from him. Just let you be.

Tell him that anything he needs to tell you or you need to tell him can go through his mother while you have your "space". And only let him call the girls at a preset time each day.

You didn't break down from having been pursued, FiM. Dork is good at what he does. But he's scared now that he's really on the edge of losing you and you're losing love for him every time he calls. You're becoming so indifferent. That is not good.

It looks promising that he is probably not in contact with OW. But he hasn't said it's over. He hasn't said she's history. He hasn't called done a no contact letter, has he? No. Same old same old.

Plan B is your friend, FiM. Take it back and then go enjoy your girls.

~ Snow

Hi, FIM.

I find it odd that he isn't having some sort of tangible withdrawal symptoms from deciding not to contact a woman that he left his family for.

He took trips around the country side in an S10 with a travel trailer and no money to be with this woman, but he isn't finding it difficult not to be in contact with her? "Look! There's no contact on the cell phone. I am doing good!" A cell phone THAT HE KNOWS YOU ARE CHECKING.

Maybe she is deployed, but he is still in contact.

If it looks like garlic, smells like garlic and tastes like garlic, then it is probably garlic.

Your leopard's spots haven't changed a bit.

Time to raise the drawbridge.

Gimble

I know you are very busy trying to work, get the house in tip top shape and spend time with the kids.

Good for you!

It really IS nice being pursued by an H. Even if it is possibly a bit unsatisfying, it reminds one of the old times in the marriage (sigh) when we COULD count on being adored.

I think it is a wonderful idea to spend less time on the computer and more on the family life! For some reason........once you sit at the keyboard.....time flies away!

This is a dangerous time, you have a depleted lovebank, and Dork's actions have not been filling it faster than it's leaking.

You are in danger of losing your love for him altogether.

At first I read that your Plan B, but with some contact may have been a good thing, but after reading more in your post, it is DEFINITELY a good time to go Dark, for you, and for hte love you have left.

Next conversation?

"Thank you for calling, I enjoy keeping in contact with you, but I am at a very fragile state right now, I am on the brink of giving up on our M. I have to stop all contact with you until ALL the terms in the letter I gave you have been met. I love you amd want to keep our M and make it stronger but I have to do this to build our M on a stronger foundation, and not the shaky one it is teetering on now. I will have no more contact with you to save the love I still have left for you, until those items are met."

He's a good talker isn't he? That is his strength, and he's convinced he can talk you into anything. What is different about his time he is cheating from the last...and what will you both do differently to make sure it doesn't happen again?

That's what concerns me, what will keep this cycle from continuing?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong>I gave him the letter, he said he'd read it in SAT when he got there, he called before his plane left Seattle though and said he had already read it. He told me that he thought I didn't understand his intent, which was to cut off contact with OW, come home as soon as possible and work on our relationship while he was gone until he could get back here. Although I told him in the beginning that wouldn't work, by the end of the conversation, I had agreed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> that we could talk since he was so adament about believing this was the turning point in our marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Was that your Plan B letter? I'll assume it was - a pretty short Plan B, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now what?

Plan A again? Please follow through on getting Steve's advice.

WAT

Hi FIM...

You wrote:

"I gave him the letter, he said he'd read it in SAT when he got there, he called before his plane left Seattle though and said he had already read it. He told me that he thought I didn't understand his intent..."

I hate that word! intent/intend/intended/intentions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

A quote I've told my WH a kazillion times, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

Isleepwithacat
Isleepwithacat@yahoo.com

Good Morning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm running around getting the kids ready for school but thought I'd drop in really fast.

Update: 39 Hours No Contact

It may not seem like a lot, but I'm pretty proud to be here right now.

For the it's-a-super-de-duper-small-world file.....

I was meeting with a new family at the school I work for yesterday. I was meeting only with the mom since her childs dad had walked out of their life when she was sent to Iraq. She's active duty military. So, we talked about military life for parents and I told her my H had been deployed and just came back a few months ago.

I didn't share the sorrid story with her. I just said my husband had been deployed.

ANYWAY, we were talking and she said she had been stationed here at the army base since 2001.

All of a sudden I got one of my "gut feelings" and KNEW KNEW KNEW she knew OW.

OW had been stationed here for three years and would have been here at that same time. It was so weird! I just KNEW they knew each other.

SO...after we talked she went into the main office to fill out the rest of her paperwork.

I had to know, so I went out and said that she had looked really familiar to me and I thought I realized why. Did she know a girl named Carrie Z*****?

She looked at me and said, "The name sounds familiar. Yeah, I do. She's got blond hair and worked in something with security? She's in SAT now isn't she?"

The admin. assistant just stood there looking at me dumbfounded, as she knows the whole story and the OW's name.

I just smiled and said, "Small world, huh?"

It still weirds me out that I KNEW KNEW KNEW they knew each other.

They don't seem to be friends, but Yep, they know each other and probably have friends in common. I think she said they had served in the same battalion here.

What a small freakin' world.

Anyway, almost 40 hours NC now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ December 08, 2004, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: faithinme ]</small>