Hard to believe a year has gone by since all this mess started. WW has just gotten back from her Air Medical conference down in the States and is now likely spending a few days with OM in his city. It was on that conference last year at this time when she decided to seek his affections. It’s been downhill from there.

So here I sit, one year later. My heart is broken, I see my children ½ time, my formerly paid off house is once again owned by the bank, WW has her own house, and my retirement plans have been moved back significantly. Oh yeah, and Matilda….my ’62 Series IIA Landrover is up for sale. Ouch!

Anyways, the next year should prove interesting to say the least. One year from now I will either be divorced or struggling to piece together a shattered marriage. Either way I know I will be OK. I’ll ride out this Plan B until she files or, I hit my target date and I file. Only my vows and my concern for our children holding this together now.

I wish I would have found this place at the get-go. I feel fairly confident saying I would not be where I am right now. Thinking that is wasted energy though. Once I got here, you folks have been wonderful. That half of my brain that deals with emotions etc. is usually on power saver mode. You all have clarified and challenged my muddled thinking, held me up when required and probably more than anything gave me a plan when I had none. This, more than anything, has helped preserve me. I don’t have any question here…just wanted to say thanks.

The more you are in plan B and getting busy w/ your own life minus WW the faster time flies. At one point in time you will not say "OM's having WW" but "OM could keep WW".

-rh-

How does that saying go...When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Yes it may come to that.

By the way Redhat...still going to the Divorce Care classes. I'm enjoying them.

LOL!. OM's exW doesn't want him no more and even disgusted at him now, his kids has no respect at all at him ... they are all planning to move out of state soon. In exchange he gets my exW, they have violent R ... my 2 D hate and ignore him. He has to support my exW now ... popped his dream about livin under SS (they were counting on it). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . exW called every other minutes when OM visite his kids.

Anyway ... I am glad you enjoy DvCare. They did a great job. I will present MB basic concept in the next 4 classes before we start tape#1 again.

-rh-

Hi Binder,

Just thought I would say hello and hope you are ok.I am in a weird place mentally/emotionally right now so have not been posting as much as I normally would like to.

What is your D target date btw?

O

Hi “O”……

Wait a minute…..why am I suddenly thinking Disney?

Hi “O”, Hi “O”……it’s off to…….never mind.

Thanks for posting. I’ve wondered how you’re making out having to live in the house with your WH. Must be your own little hell. I much prefer the seclusion of a plan B hunkered down in a house where WW has no right of access.

I’m not going to reveal my date here in a public forum. I may not have to wait that long as Canadian law will allow her to file a no fault divorce after Dec. 15, the date our ill-advised constructive separation began. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If she files, I will try and drag it out somewhat until my target date. Really no details to work out, the property and parenting schedule have already been set. It would be what’s termed a “desk top divorce”.

I have no doubt her new found relationship will self destruct in time, but it very likely will be too late for this family. As each day passes, the amount of effort on her part to reenter this family becomes increasingly vast. My boundaries become greater and the conditions to return are daunting.

I see my future alone now. That’s OK. I am willing to change that for the sake of my family, but I expect to be alone. Should that occur, I do not expect to confuse my children by introducing them to another partner. I also will not refrain from dating either. Though I’ve crossed the “40” threshold, I think I still look alright after a woman has a couple drinks in her…heck….after a dozen drinks I’m drop dead gorgeous!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder:
<strong>I see my future alone now. That’s OK. I am willing to change that for the sake of my family, but I expect to be alone. Should that occur, I do not expect to confuse my children by introducing them to another partner. I also will not refrain from dating either. Though I’ve crossed the “40” threshold, I think I still look alright after a woman has a couple drinks in her…heck….after a dozen drinks I’m drop dead gorgeous! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, even I don't need haloween mask to get candy, I stil could get gals <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . There would be a lady would take time to get to know you and she knows that you could and you would make her happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Until then, take it easy and take time to heal.

-rh-

Hi again Binder,

You're too funny.I got a little laugh out of the ole disney dwarf jingle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well,I sort of see my future alone too.I will be open to a new relationship some day but for now,the main focus is my girls and I just want them to be happy and feel good.If I start dating anyone at some point, I will keep him from my children for some time.One big drawback to being a D'd woman and after going thru Infidelity is that I will no longer trust a man again so deeply and I also will be so watchful and wary of another man being around my girls,I just don't know how it would work out,let alone another marriage.I would feel the need to be the one and only parent at all times.The fact is,no other man will comapre to my WH only because he is their father and I know it just won't be the same for the kids.I know some step parents are probably fine but I just don't think I want that in my life.

Anyway,you sound good.I hope that's true.In many ways I am much more strong now but it still is supremely difficult living with my WH.

However,he finally managed to get another high paying gig up in Montreal so all my financial worries are over.That's a big load off my mind.I get my darling girls,my beloved home and everything in it and lots of money to live off.I guess,if I can't have my marriage anymore,it's at least good to know that I will be ok in all the other ways.And most importantly,my girls are healthy and safe.

Do you think your WW will file first? I don't think my WH's "relationship" with the homewrecker will pan out over time either but it's not my problem anymore.He truly seems to be a man bent on being a bachelor again and trying on other women for size,even after we had another spell of "what would it take to make it work?" a couple weeks ago when our 14th wedding anniversary came around.That was a very hard day.Lots of tears and some hopeful statements by WH but again,he went back to business as usual.

So,that's it for me.And I'm sure any decent woman wouldn't need a drop of liquor to see what a devoted and loving husband and dad you were/are.Hold tight to your values and beliefs.

O

One frog to another: Time sure is fun when you're having flies!

From one practicing the "best revenge", I predict you'll stand tall along with all the rest of us honorable, faithful husbands. AND - at least the OMs took 'em before menopause!

Stay atop that moral high ground. Be right for your kids. Separate from "happiness", this will guarantee a clear conscience - a prerequisite for happiness.

WAT

......and, what became of the letter from her attorney?

WAT

Redhat,

Thanks for the comment, yes I will be taking the time to heal. I'm very well wired to be alone without being lonely so I'm not looking to find someone to fill the vacancy. I would, however, enjoy someone to occasionally take in a movie or a nice meal and a bottle of wine.

O,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If I start dating anyone at some point, I will keep him from my children for some time. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup...someone on this board...maybe Weaver, made an agreement with their X that they would wait until they were engaged. I may follow that rule if this goes the way it seems to be. OM has already introduced his children to WW apparently...so I doubt she will be inclined to abide by any constraints on her behavior.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> That's a big load off my mind.I get my darling girls,my beloved home and everything in it and lots of money to live off. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm jealous. WW is a specialized RN and could easily match or exceed my income. She is, however, content to work p/t, take child support payments from me and have our daughter in childcare when our S is in school so she can keep her days without the children free to see OM. I am either working or childrearing. However...I get them every weekend (Sat & Sun one week, Thurs PM to Tues AM the other) so essentially she has become my nanny when I work.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you think your WW will file first? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup. If I hit my target date first, however, I will simply file with no fanfare. There will be no "I'm divorcing you!" call to her. She will simply receive the paper work. I'll be done.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He truly seems to be a man bent on being a bachelor again and trying on other women for size,even after we had another spell of "what would it take to make it work?" a couple weeks ago when our 14th wedding anniversary came around.That was a very hard day.Lots of tears and some hopeful statements by WH but again,he went back to business as usual.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's gotta be tough. I prefer the plan B. I've never heard WW waiver once. Not a single "I love you" since the "ILYBINILWY" talk last winter.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So,that's it for me.And I'm sure any decent woman wouldn't need a drop of liquor to see what a devoted and loving husband and dad you were/are. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For those that don't, and are non drinkers...I'll keep an ice pick handy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> One frog to another: Time sure is fun when you're having flies!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I got a good snicker out of this...you had me going...then I realized... Frogs can't talk WAT!

The letter from the attorney; she called a meeting, I went over each issue and told her what’s happening and why. I told her I needed to heal, that contact was too painful. I also mentioned that any problems with the children are due to the separation as opposed to the plan B.

She drafted a letter and sent it essentially stating I need the distance to adjust to the changes and the kids are doing fine.

I should have insisted on your response.

I may find another lawyer more "in sync" with my approach.