My husband went down this weekend to South Carolina to be with OW. His sister tells me he went down to the the "noble thing" and end it with the OW. Said he feels he owes it to her to tell her in person since he has lied to her and hurt her also.

He left about 4 weeks ago to move with his sister. Saying he needed time to himself to think and get his head on straight. Told me that he was ending contact with OW because he knew it wasn't right but he didn't. Since moving with his sister he has been calling OW 2-4 hours per night. And talking to the boys and me for only about 5 minutes a night. Sometimes we don't get a call at all. I knew he was going down there so he could call her more and call her for as long as he wanted.

He has not seen his kids since Sunday evening. He told me he was going to North Carolina to visit his mom and hang out with his guy friend. But I knew and had myself prepared before he left that he was going to see her. My sons have been very upset and sad that their dad is not here. My littlest one calls and leaves messages for his dad on his cell begging him to come home and telling him he loves him and misses him. I just don't understand how my sweet,loving and caring husband turned into such a uncaring and selfish man.

His sister feels it was ok for him to go down there to tell her goodbye in person. I told her he may have good intentions of doing that but when he actually gets there it won't happen like many times before. And you do not stay with the OW for the entire weekend and then say goodbye. If anything you meet her for lunch say what you have to and then go your merry way. But I feel a email or phone call would have been the best way if he truly wanted to end it and not hurt me the the process. He told me this time he would let his cell on. I guess I am suppose to feel lucky. Even though when my youngest son called 2 times he just left it ring and let his voicemail pickup and never called him back.

I guess I am being spiteful because I am due to have our daughter in about 3 weeks. I keep wishing I would go into labor without him here. Just to make him regret going down there even though he knew I could possibly go into labor. His sister said if he does come back and is different and finally did the right thing then it will be good but if he doesn't she said I know then what I have to do. I agree. I am not sad which normally I would be. I am more angry and upset that he could do this to the boys. Of course he promised he would be here to take them out tomorrow trick-or-treating but I think he will just let them down again.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I was constantly dreaming of him and OW kissing and doing stuff together. I am haunted with movies in my head while I am awake also. I have been trying to keep busy. I have moved my bedroom around by myself. And I am putting the bassinet in our bedroom and getting some of the baby stuff moved in here. I am also helping the boys carve their pumpkins and probably will take them out for dinner later. I wanted to do some shopping but my feet are so tired and I just don't feel like going out. It's a very gloomy day here.

I am at a point today I didn't think even would come. I am actually thinking about maybe I don't want him back. If someone could do this to me. Especially at a time I need him the most. Hurt our boys and not seem to care. Why do I want him in my life? Yes I love the man that I once knew but he seems far out of reach right now. Do I have the time or energy to wait around for him? Who knows... I am going to start enjoying my life and this train is moving on with or without him. Just going to take one day at a time and work on myself and stay strong for my boys and my baby.

Thanks for listening to me ramble <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

This was far more than a ramble!

This was self-affirmation!

I have to bat you about the head for one thing tho... *STOP* moving furniture around in the last weeks of your pregnancy! Get someone to do the heavy lifting for you.

Pep

I will ask next time pep.. Actually I just pushed my computer desk that is on wheels to a different corner of the room. All the other stuff is just little baby stuff.

I'm so glad to hear this ! Not about your WH...he's so confused he doesn't even know his own name..but what this says about YOU.

You are so much stronger than you ever gave yourself credit !

Pep is right...as always..about the moving stuff..but maybe..just maybe...it's your nesting period..and you are going to deliver soon !

Have a fun Halloween with you boys !

Hopefully I will deliver soon. I am so ready. I am tired of feeling this uncomfortable. Baby is always hurting my ribs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am not going to let him ruin their Halloween. They are going to have fun whether he is here or not. Even if he was here with them it would just be in body. Because emotionally he is gone right now.. Not just to me but to the kids. He is so into this fantasy nothing matters but her.

smll,

The "nesting" period right before delivery is usually a time of higher spirits, lots of productivity and it sounds like you're taking full advantage of that. YAY! Although....I had the EXACT same thought pep did about moving furniture around! Stop! *mama star shaking her finger*

I hope your spirits remain high once the baby arrives, but typically....that is a time of stress and sometimes melancholy. Do you have someone to help you during that time? What arrangements can you make now while you have some drive to help ease the difficulty of that time?


(((((((((((((smll)))))))))))))))

prayers to you for a healthy happy delivery!

My mom is planning on coming down with me about a week before my due date. Also she does not work so she can pretty much help me anytime I need her to. I have lots of family that will help if I ask. But my problem is most of the time I don't like to ask.

My mom has been helping out with my three year old. She takes him anytime I need a break. He is very very hyper and is a lot to handle at times. Of course when he goes I miss him so much and can't wait till he comes home. My stepson is 9 he pretty much does his own thing. And helps out if I ask.

The best thing for you now is just to move on. Your WH will probably come back, but is of little help right now.

Do the best you can for your boys and yourself. And try to look forward to your little girl.

First off, YAY! You have found your righteous anger. Hold tight to that when you begin feeling like doing all those behaviors you KNOW do not work, and just set you back.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But my problem is most of the time I don't like to ask. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I watched a show on Dr. Phil one day about when one spouse unexpectedly leaves the home/M. Dr. Phil said one of the key things to do, along with getting a support network around yourself, is LEARNING to ask for what you need from these people in your support network.

Pride, expectation, just make more work for you, and will deplete your energy stores - energy you need for both taking care of you and baby and your 2 sons, and also doing what you can to save your M. Ask for what you need. It is actually a very liberating and strengthening process - the opposite of what I thought it would be.

Give it a shot! I am so happy - you are coming from a much better place now. Keep posting. You are going to get through this.

Spidey

My mom has been watching my smallest son at my house about 2 times a week while I go to the office. She has been scrubbing, doing laundry, cleaning and sometimes even cooking some of my favorite dishes that I use to like when I lived at home. She has been such a help. I told her not to do it because it makes me feel bad but she says someones got to help me. She loves my husband she thinks of him as a son. This has really made her sad. She said he is full of it when he says that he never loved me. She said everyone could see that he did. I also know that he loved me but he may feel he doesn't now that he let someone else in his heart.

I just got done fixing up a area for the baby in our bedroom. I am excited now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I took the boys shopping to get candy for the treaters and took them out to dinner. We came home and carved pumpkins. They really enjoyed that. My youngest son is going to be Thomas the Tank Engine again this year. His whole world is Thomas right now. Of course I am Thomased out. My stepson choose to be a blue power ranger. My SIL mentioned something about coming up and taking them around with me. She still says my husband will make it here tomorrow but I have big doubts myself. And I really don't know if I can smile and be happy knowing he just came from the homewreckers house.

I go from being angry to being sad. Think a lot has to do with the pregnancy hormones. I think this train is soon pulling out of the station and he will be left behind. If he doesn't hop on soon he will miss his chance and will have to live with what he has done to his kids and me.

Dear SML:

I am sorry for your sadness, but in your posts I can read between the lines that you are growing very strong. This strength is what makes us women so amazing.

Today I am working in the hospital and I was talking with one of my favourite older experienced nurses. She and I felt that a birth is really a thing between women. Most men are pretty lost in that situation (sorry guys, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Certain exceptions for my MB friends obviously apply...don't get out your MB 2x4s ).

Then an hour or so later they called me for a C-section...and there we were: all women. The anesthesiologist, the two obstetricians, the baby doc (me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ), the three nurses and -of course-the MOM. And...the baby was a girl as well. Everything went fine. See, SML: we women can do it all by ourselves.

Your WH has no right to be there and you'll be much better off without this uncaring *%!#...

Edited to add: SML, I am also concerned about your 9 yo stepson. For this child, who has been abandoned by his mother, this second abandonment by his father now, must be causing a terrible pain. You are probably the only loving person in his life. Please look to him and protect him. He is just an innocent child, who needs love and a family. I detest your H -not only for causing you so much pain- but also for his cruel treatment of a vulnerable little boy. A 9yo will not call and beg his father to return. He will withdraw and suffer in silence. But the scars may not heal in a lifetime.

I admire you SML, that you are so strong and you know right from wrong. I wish you all the best. Lots of strength. You are an amazing woman.

Hugs,

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 09:40 PM: Message edited by: Iceprincess ]</small>

My husband still has not called the boys or me. My son left another message for him. Telling him he missed him and loved him. Then this morning he wanted to call again. The voicemail picked up and he left a message saying "Happy Halloween" and asked him to please take him trick or treating. I don't think he will make it here to take them tonight. I don't think he even left there yet. And it takes about 10 hours to drive from where she is at. I knew he would let them down again. Oh well they have me. And I am not going to let them down. I love and care for them to much.

I am so angry with him for doing this. He is just showing how responsible he is and how addicted to the OW he is. I don't think anything will wake him up at this point.

I was having contractions last night. I only got about 2 hours of sleep. I was having major back pain and cramps with it. It was very scary. But about 4 in the morning it went away and now I feel fine. Guess just a false alarm.

Hope everyone enjoys their Sunday. Take Care.
Tina

You are getting so strong. We are all so proud of you. One way or another you will get through this and you will be a better person. You will always have the love and adoration of your children.

Have fun trick-or-treating tonight. Try not to eat ALL the kids candy after they get home. I don't know about you but this pregnancy has given me the worst sweet tooth!

Oh yes my sweet tooth...That is all I crave is sweet stuff. I have indulged a lot. I am amazed I have only gained 8 pounds so far. Before I got pregnant I use to love chips but now they don't even tempt me. Weird how pregnancy changes things.

I messed up. Now I feel like a failure. I called him a bunch of times. Not because I am sad or miss him. But because I am angry because he is not going to make it here like he promised our boys. He won't pick up but I left several messages. I didn't LB. I just asked him to please call so I know what the deal is tonight.

I feel really sick right now. Fever,shakes and hot flashes.. I don't really feel like taking them out tonight but if I have to I will. Yesterday I did so good about not calling him. Then I broke down today and did it. I am so mad at myself.

Well you knew he would do this but it's still disapointing for the kids. Are you feeling any better?

I am feeling a little better now. Still feels like I have a slight fever. The kids enjoyed themselves. They kept wanting to go to more houses but their bags were so full I told them they had enough. Course then they thought they were going to eat lots tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He finally talked to them. Told them he would make it up to them this weekend coming. My stepson said he wished he would have said to stop calling that girl that's how he could make it up to him. I talked some with him. I am still so angry at him though.

He talked about moving back home, trying MC again and some other things. I told him for those things to work it requires NC. And if he was not going to come home and do NC then I don't want him here. He says he understands. I asked him if he ended it with her. He said I want my actions to speak for me not my words. So I guess we will see.

I do not have my hopes up. And I do not want him home if he is not committed to it. But I do feel good that I didn't totally go off on him I kept my cool pretty much. Before I would be begging him to come back even after he hurt me. But this time I was totally different with him. I did not beg or plead. I set my boundaries with him this time and I intend to stick with it.

Kloe,
How are you feeling? Any visits from your hubby?

Sounds like you did good, now try and get some rest! I can't believe you only have three weeks to go. You must be getting so excited. As horrible as this time is, it's so nice to have something so wonderful to look forward to. I can't imagine how I would have gotten through this without my baby.

I think I am just as scared as I am excited. I remember my first son's birth.. Not good. I just hope it goes more smoothly this time. I think I will get more sleep tonight. Last night I didn't go to bed till 4am because I was up in pain all night long.

I have this feeling I will not make it 3 weeks. I go back Wed for another doc appointment. Hopefully I will be more dilated and will go soon.

This baby is a blessing to me. When I am down I think of the baby and get hugs from my sons and it takes a lot of the pain away. I do feel so much stronger. When he first left I didn't think I would survive emotionally without him. Now I know I can.