Just realized how that might of come across. just wanted to let you know I was going to bed, and would talk with you tomorrow if you were on.

Later

I was attracted to this thread because of the mention of dysfunctional medics...although, being a nurse, I'm actually one of the functional ones... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Seriously tho, apologies for threadjacking, but I wanted to say lemonman, that I am one of those who could not Plan A with any great success. Perhaps part of that reason was that I came to MB waaaay too late, but when it came to the whole MB principles, I always felt like I was prostituting myself to a certain (fairly large) extent. I felt that by doing so, my personal boundaries were being well and truly stepped over, and I couldn't handle the lack of respect that I was shown, besides the lack of respect that I actually ended up feeling for myself. Whilst I can see the merit in some of the principles, particularly where Plan A allows you to work out just what IS important to you, and what needs you want met, as well as understanding your partner's needs, I didn't feel that my needs should be subjugated so that his be met. I felt it really had to be a 2 way street, or I was going to set myself up for failure down the track...maybe I just got it all wrong, or maybe it was just my husband...he's a classic 'give an inch and he takes a mile' kind of guy. By meeting all his needs, he just expected more and more and more, and in the end, I just couldn't do it anymore. I did find that Plan B was quite effective, but by then, I'd worked out that he didn't really want to change, or to understand me or my needs, and was still quite an immature and egocentric person, and remains so...and was therefore not someone I was interested in being married to.

Being in the medical field does make a difference to my outlook I suspect - for lots of complex reasons, with a central one being that you are less tolerant of things that are seemingly unimportant..if that makes sense???

Anyway, don't work too hard in the ED..or Cas. as we call it here in Oz.

I have to agree that Plan A takes a lot of pride swallowing and that sometimes is hard to do.

I do not think that Plan A is a great plan, however when spouse is tettering what is wrong with filling the needs that you let slide for years in your marriage. None. As long as you do it right and do not become a door mat.

My plan A just showed my H how much I was capable taking on, and now he no longer does these things. BACKFIRE!!!! I do so much now, that he actually gets upset if the house is not clean everynight. Well last night I stayed up way too late and then did not clean- too tired. H did not say anything about it, but I bet it will still look as bad, probably worse when I get home. Oh well.