Some of you might know that I am finally getting my college degree in my mid 60s. One of the courses I'm taking this semester is The Family. I found this in our textbook and I thought I would throw it out there as a matter of interest.

“The spouse who chooses to have an affair is often judged as being unfaithful to the vows of the marriage, as being deceitful to the partner, and as inflicting enormous pain on the partner (and children). What is often not considered is that when an affair is defined in terms of giving emotional energy, time, and economic resources to something or someone outside the primary relationship. The spouse who chooses to have an affair is often judged as being unfaithful to the vows of the marriage, as being deceitful to the partner, and as inflicting enormous pain on the partner (and children). What is often not considered is that when an affair is defined in terms of giving emotional energy, time, and economic resources to something or someone outside the primary relationship, other types of “affairs” may be equally as devastating to a relationship. Spouses who choose to devote their lives to their children, careers, parents, friends, or recreational interests may deprive the partner of significant amounts of emotional energy, time, and money and create a context in which the partner may choose to become involved with a person who provides more attention and interest”.

Knox, David & Caroline Schacht. Choices in Relationships. Belmont, CA: Thompson Wadsworth, 2005(?), p. 317.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RAG:
other types of “affairs” may be equally as devastating to a relationship. Spouses who choose to devote their lives to their children, careers, parents, friends, or recreational interests may deprive the partner of significant amounts of emotional energy, time, and money and create a context in which the partner may choose to become involved with a person who provides more attention and interest”.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, in my opinion, applying the term "affair" to these other situations waters down the true meaning of "affair" ---> INFIDELITY.

I hate it when a term for a really REALLY bad thing (like nazis or genocide) is then misapplied to some other situation.... in order to make that lesser situation appear as evil as nazi genocide.

for example:

In California recently, the term "brownshirts" (as in Nazis) was used to describe boarder patrol agents attempting to enforce the immigration laws. Not at all the same situation. Diminished the REAL horror of the Nazis while attempting to make something look more evil than it is.

The term "rape" is another term that is often used inappropriately. As in "I got raped!" ... when the actual offense was much less serious.


That is not to say one spouse spending too much time away from the marriage for any reason is a good thing.

But, an affair is an affair. Infidelity is infidelity.

Last time I checked, no one could catch serious diseases from spending too much time with their friends or their hobbies.

Not the same thing at all. I think this author has woefully mis-used the term affair. But what I cannot figure out is ... why?

Pep

The difference is that those other 'affairs' have nowhere near the devastating power that an infidelity affair has on a marriage. A marriage can recover from these 'affairs' much, much easier than from an infidelity affair. Those other 'affairs' seldom devastate the children as much as an infidelity affair. Those other 'affairs' do not create mental images or movies in the minds of both BS and WS like an infidelity affair does. Those other 'affairs' seldom create a great magnitude of anger, bitterness, remorsefulness, and guilt that is going to take years to recover from like an infidelity affair does.

Sure these other 'affairs' can also lead to the demise of a marriage but not as much as an infidelity affair.