edited

It feels like a storm is brewing...

I hope not...

I think everyone needs to just calm down...take a deep breath, and realize that the pain of some people on that thread, manifested itself into words...harsh words...but words nonetheless....

I would hate to see anyone get banned, or for some strict rules get imposed on the boards, due to a couple of posts...when people were just speaking from the depths of sorrow... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So please...I implore everyone to take a deep breath and calm down.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:
When violence erupts as a result of it...many of us will UNDERSTAND the desire to do those things. But that desire is a result of our own pain...not a true reflection of what they "deserve". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When words with a heavy ~moral~ subtext like "deserve" are misused in place of sometimes more accurate words, such as "outcome" or "predictable result" ... there will often be misunderstandings of intent.

For the same reason I don't welcome the use of the word "blame" when what is actually meant is "responsibility".

I really don't know Noodle's original intent. Why don't we ask her?

Pep

The forums are HUMAN constructs and therefore inherently flawed to begin with. But telling WS newcomers what amounts to 'go somewhere else because you might encounter hostile posters' is doing them [and many BS] a greater disservice IMNSHO.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:
Ah....and just ignore anyone that agreed or just let it stand like that? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have no idea what you are intending to say... could you make this clearer please?

Thanks

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> The forums are HUMAN constructs and therefore inherently flawed to begin with. But telling WS newcomers what amounts to 'go somewhere else because you might encounter hostile posters' is doing them [and many BS] a greater disservice IMNSHO. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I've tried to post twice and have edited twice b/c both times I figured that my input would be more harful then helpful...However...

Let me just say this. I have found MB a very helpful place. I am very thankful to those who took the time to post to me and to help me out with my marriage.

TMCM, I took Star's post as a message for those of us who are posting here now- not necessarily a post that was trying to warn WS away from posting in the future. IMO she was trying to make a point to all of us- and thought a *Warning* the most effective to convey the point. I should let her speak for herself, though.

My 2 cents: I only started posting here b/c I felt it was a *Safe* place to post. It was extremely difficult to post my *confession*- yes, even though this is an anonymous board. If I was a *newbie* WS/FWS I seriously doubt I would have ever posted after reading the other thread.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> *Star* ... if there is ONE poster you vehemently object to and disagree with ... take THAT person on ... not the generic "they" and the obtuse "no one"...

Pep
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree, but it is obviously star's intent to rattle the board. However, if the entire board is your target star, why single out one post(er)?

If said poster is in violation of the TOS, then report the post and/or the thread. If not, then agree to disagree.

If you are "ashamed" of the board, then I think you are placing yourself in a position of overseeing something that is not your place to oversee.

I personally find your claim of shame and your occasional endearment "chere" to be a bit grandmotherly and somewhat condescending.

You may need to take a step back and understand that you are just another poster and just another opinion.

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Funny (and not in the "Ha ha" sort of way), Mel, that you can pour gasoline all over a fire, then try to blow it out.

Or, instigate or coroborate (sp) and then tell that person to "settle down.?"

Or, punching someone in the gut after confessing probably the most hurtful and most difficult thing in the world to the person they love the most?

I'm NOT attacking you. Just presenting the facts. For this isn't the first or second or even third or fourth times that this has happened. Facts.

For you, too, are human. I think you forget that sometimes.

Ok just read the entire thread and was shocked to find that it was NOODLE who posted the inflamatory post. Her posts are generally balanced and well thought out..this was very out of character IMO. Considering she just delivered a baby a short while ago, the first thought that would even remotely explain this sort of completely uncharacteristic post was that she may possibly be suffering from PPD, post partum depression.

Noodle, don't mean to presume and diagnose you here but having been through it myself and having acted VERY uncharacteristicly in the process I hope that you will consider this a possibility at least. Sometimes we all get so caught up in the infidelity/marriage thing that a underlying or newly presenting medical condition may escape notice. You just don't seem "yourself" Noodle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> KB

WOW! I came in from after the weekend and started to read this thread. After reading it I must tell you I almost felt rage, I wanted to post immediately but had no time before my first appt. As I drove to my meeting I thought of all the things I was going to say with an anxious thumping heart. Fortunately my drive gave me time to calm down and I will post with a calmer tone.

Star, Let me tell you I agree with you 110% and you also SADFWW. I also would have never posted here had I read that thread. I have been a victim of the "bait and switch" I would not say from all but from MANY!

Let me bring up another similar thread. I don't recall who started it but it was one inwhich the WS's husband had pulled a gun on her during discovery, made her kiss the bullets as he loaded the gun and almost ALL replies basically said he was justified in what he had done and we should understands behaviour like this.

I think what is happening is many BS's here see the WS that post here as their own and take out their feelings on them. With anger and resentment like that it's no wonder their recovery is not going as well as it could be.

I seriously doubt any moderator would ban anybody for this subject as I'm sure they see this VERY REAL problem and recognize it for what it is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LINY:
<strong> Funny (and not in the "Ha ha" sort of way), Mel, that you can pour gasoline all over a fire, then try to blow it out.

Or, instigate or coroborate (sp) and then tell that person to "settle down.?"

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LINY, and you might be right. I should have stepped away from this circus a long ago and fully intend to do so now.

It may not be popular, it may even rub some folks the wrong way...but any one of us can express disappointment, shock or other feelings about what goes on around here....and I'm certainly not the first one to do it. No one has to agree, my expectation is that they won't. To my knowledge...that is not a violation of TOS. I welcome everyone's opinion on this thread....including the critical and dissenting ones, because I think this subject is too important to simply ignore.

If this is the way we intend to treat WSs who confess, or sanction or ignore those who do...then we probably ought to warn them.

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

I personally find your claim of shame and your occasional endearment "chere" to be a bit grandmotherly and somewhat condescending.

Now this is a personal attack, and completely unnecessary and out of line in . When you attack somebodys' personality it is with no other good reason except to inflict pain.

Star*fish had a valid point in my opinion and one that she is every bit justified in bringing to the forefront, the same as anyone else on this public forum.

Disagreeing with anothers opinion is one thing but attacking them personally is just not very nice.

yikes!

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 02:02 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> starfish, there's alot of emotion and bitterness coming through your post. I hope you can calm down and look at this more rationally because this is just over the top. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ditto Starfish! Excuse me???? Rational? You talk about rational and defend 1600-style adultery outing fantasy?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KaylaAndy:
<strong> Ditto Starfish! Excuse me???? Rational? You talk about rational and defend 1600-style adultery outing fantasy? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excuse me? Would you like to show me where I EVER defended a "1600-style adultery-outing fantasy?" This is just getting more bizarre by the minute, Kayla.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:

If this is the way we intend to treat WSs who confess, or sanction or ignore those who do...then we probably ought to warn them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"We" don't "intend" anything.... "we" would have to reach a consensus for that to be true. So far, I see no consensus.

Each poster express an individual opinion. If you want to warn people about individual opinions, then go right ahead. Be careful about the "we" part. That includes me... and I OBJECT to your speaking for me.

Pep

Ok I am going to get myself in the fire here and post ...

Star , can see your point to a degree, I thought the same shock when i first read Noodles post ...
And like KNEWBETTER I thought this to be alittle out of charcter. On the other hand I read it agin and again ....

Now do not misunderstand ,, but it just may bring up a POINT on HOW SOME SOME BS feel at the MOMENT they first discover or the WS confesses..


Not all BS's I said, SOME ,,,Is it correct , christen, well I know this I do not want to be judged for my personal feeling ...

Is your warning to WS's correct ,, well I won't judge you its your opinion. Do I agree again some what ...

Trueth of the matter is DC was not treated any differently then a BS who gets knocked all over the place with 2x4'S and is called a DOORMAT , an ENABLER ... told that if they put up with crap much longer they are just asking for it ..

I have seen many of those types of posts in the past 2 yrs ... as well ...

Also it does take a thick skin sometimes to hear what others have to say ..

The good the bad and the ugly ,,, but this is for the most part peoples OPINONS and I would think when we post here we know that ...

I know I can be real harsh on a WS who does not seem remorseful ,, or have said, things about OW that people have taken offense to ...

We all agree I think that we can all learn from one another . Even some where down the line when a post was mean , or what ever ...

I do not think that post or any other should stop anyone from posting ..

JMO but your post to WS would scare me off to not post here any more ... (if I was a new WS)

For the most part thats all I have to add may not mean nothing but I said what I want and ,,,,,

I do not think MEL , is saying anything wrong ,sometimes things seem heated and realy they can be made into a really good topic for discusion ... also she did some what try to defuse the situation on DC thread and have an open minded convo JMO ...

Please everyone take a deep breath and calm down, You know usually when I post which is not frequent (may 6 post total for me) the thread dies....I am hoping that this is what will happen with this thread...... no 2x4's please.

Who will speak out for peace today...who is willing to cry out stop the fighting.

Love is our capacity to embrace others despite their faults and inadequacies, it is the ability to "be there" for someone no matter what. As we love we are to provide care, nurturing and support for our brothers and sisters that is essential to their well-being and growth.

Can we please......let this go, it seems to have spiraled (sp) into a ugly fight, no need to prove a point, just let it go. And now this thread has died a quiet death because Hurtinone has posted.

Spread the Love....give advice with love and care as you all have always done, take care of each other, we need each other.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KaylaAndy:
<strong> Ditto Starfish! Excuse me???? Rational? You talk about rational and defend 1600-style adultery outing fantasy? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excuse me? Would you like to show me where I EVER defended a "1600-style adultery-outing fantasy?" This is just getting more bizarre by the minute, Kayla. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You want quotes??

By Noodle:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
It is the belief that the violence visited on a WS by a BS is underserved.

Sorry..no. If he wanted to drag you and OM into the center of town, tie you together and carve his rage into your flesh before lighting you on fire ..you deserve it. This is the treatment that your actions have *earned* so to speak. You have committed a crime..a very real crime against another person..you do not deserve any protection from the reactions of the bereaved.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That, my dear Melody Lane, is exactly what happened to sinners and the mentally ill for crimes, perceived or real. It was nearly always perpetrated against the woman. This is a 1600s era punishment, that also dates back pre-Jesus Christ. When Jesus came, he taught by word and by deed that justice was best left up to God; that we should focus on our own sinful natures and stop the stoning of others.

Yet, you, Christian advocate on the board, pronounced this violent fantasy/justification as
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Before we all stomp off with our skirts in a huff, let's take another look at noodle's statement lest we completely miss her point. [and many of you did] She never recommended killing the WS. She said that punishment could not be assigned because there really is no punishment to fit the gravity of the crime [adultery].

Her points were not cruel, they were insightful and accurate; perhaps hard to hear for some, but let's not miss out on an outstanding message by hastily jumping to the wrong conclusion about her remarks.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, I don't think any of us missed the part of her point that said violence isn't condoned; however, a few seem to look past the witch-hunt fantasy as justice for repentent people trying to make it right (and for the unrepentant too!).

This sickens me, ML, that you, someone I respect for your recovery and your normal level headedness, can't see the evil in Noodle's essay!