Well it has been a long time for me. I would have liked to believe that it was a case of me being so blissfully happy that i did not have the need for being here. Unfortunately that was not the case.

We had a really serious talk in August where i had made up my mind to leave, i was on my way out. I had had enough. He begged me to stay saying that things would be different, that he knows his problems and that he would work on them but he could not and would not lose me.

I stayed. He left OW i have proof of that but he started being distant from me. My being a memebr here hepled me to realise that he was going through withdrawal. It was not easy but i endured it.

After withdrawal things got worse because he picked up a hobby (Fishing) and he spent alllll of his time at the marinas now with his new fishing buddied. It almost seemed like he had to replace her with something.

Well that has been going on for at least two months now. We hardly see him at home. he hardly makes any move to make love to me, he pays little or now attentention to the baby, trust me it was worse.

Then on asaturday i found out that he made a decision with our restaurant that i was not happy with and he told me that it was none of my business.

That just broke me down and all of the peace and calm hat i had been practicing just went away and for the first time in my life i lased out at another human being physically.

He didn't hit back and maybe i have God to thank for that, but i lased out at him big time. And i realiase now that his decision with the restaurant had norting to do with what i did on saturaday. It was all this pdnt up anger.

We spoke about it or the first time to day and i dont know where we stand.He says that when is am ready to deal with him without all of the anger we will talk about it until then he has nothing to say to me.

What do I do now??????

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Married 5 years
Son 11 months
Daughter 8 years old

Sindy,
I understand exactly where you are coming from. My H cheated on me until he realized I was not longer going to wait for him to get rid of OW, I was done with him and the M. He got rid of her came back to the family, and for the first few months things were tough because of his withdrawl, but he was nice enough to me and it was a HUGE improvement over the past 11 months. Well then guy time started back up again. My H works opposite shifts then me, and when he gets time off he is with his Buddies bowling, card playing, hunting- what ever he can not to be at home, or at least that was how I FELT!! I take everything personally, but in the name of our M I would pent it up as well. It takes alot to send me over the edge, but when it happens I yell, I throw stuff (at the ground) I have so much anger by that point that typically I LB like crazy. I think it comes from being rejected for so long b/c of another person, then to see a shred of light only to fell the rejection over a simple friend. I am insecure in our M and I need him to show me affection and desire, I get none of it, unless he wants something. Typically he will wait until I am out cold to start something with me, so then it is not romantic or affectionate, it is purely for his release and his release only. My h and I have not made love in my opinion in almost 2 years. It is very saddening to me. SO you are not alone. WHat to do about it I really do not know, sorry.

Isn't it amazing all the horrible stuff we can indure and stomache and it is the littlest of things that push us over the edge?

Thanks KMEJ

Your story seems so much like mine it's not funny. I really don't knopw when was the last time we made love.

Sometimes this all seems so pointless and i ask myself why am i even bothering?
I don't want to make the mistake of staying and going back to the way things were, i don't in all honesty think that i can endure that. I need more i need him the way he used to be before all of this mess and to me now if i can't have that then i don't want him at all.
i am just soooooooooooooooo fed up.

And now that i did what i did on saturdy he is using that as an excuse to have someting over me and that makes me even more angry, beacuse i gave him that power with my outburst.

Any way i am praying and so i know that it is only a matter of time before it all comes to an end. wether it is that i move on with my life alone or we work things out for good. I just know that something has to be done.

Sindy

Do you use his A against him? I doubt it, I know I do not. If he insists on using your little fit against you, explain where it came from calmly (yes I know easier said then done), and tell him that bringing up the past helps no one, and that we all have lapses in judgement. If that does not work, ask him if he would like it if you threw in his face every chance you got his mistakes (A).

It is sad that I am jealous of a guy friend and you of a fishingpole Huh? well that is what happens when you feel the ultimate rejection and betrayal and are expected to go on as if nothing happened. To the WS, this is paradise, the ideal, to the BS it is almost impossible.

Can I ask what kind of a Resturant you have?

KMEJ
I live in the caribbean so the restaurant is one that sells caribbean food. It is a small one but it's good.

yeah it is sad that i am jealous of his new buddies but my thing is is that if he were spending time with us then at least i wouldn't be so jealous of the time he spends with them.

He is so angry at me now that i have been trying to call him and i can't find him. I just don't know.

The not answering thing is about control, he wants you to feel so bad about what you did that he can do what ever he wants. IMO. Stop calling him, make him wonder, make him call you. He has been treating you poorly, pushing your buttons, waiting for you to crack, he finally did it and now he is continueing in the game (that is what it is you know, at least to my H).

I am very jealous because he has all this time for all his friends but no time for me. We have a day off together, a whole day, rarely ever happens, Me all excited, him on the phone with his friend to see if he can do something <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> It hurts.

I know that him not answering the phone is a control thing. The thing is ever since i was a little girl i have always wanted to resolve my issues as soon as possible, i believe that if i don't then i'll end up losing the person. I guess i just have to try hard not to call him.

YOu and I are more alike then we know. I too have to resolve something immediately or it eats me up.
I have learned that by not taking responsibility for everything and not calling my h to make up or apologize or whatever it takes the wind out of his sails and he then ends up being the one to call me. It is not a game, really, it is just a way to take back some of the control and some of our self respect. DO you understand?

yes i do understand, but for me it is just so hard not to call him or talk to him. I know that he knows that i love him and sometimes i feel like he is using my love for him as a weapon. He knows that it will take alot for me to leave so he does what he wants and knows that i 'll always be there.

Any way i have some good news i guess. Our son's first b'day is on Saturday. He was planning on going fishing from today until Sunday on another island. He would have missed his son's very first b'day, can you imagine? Well last night he told me that he wasn't going fishing again that he will be home after all. I guess his conscious got the better of him.

I know that we have so much work to do but i am so tired . I am not even sure if i have the strenght to go on anymore.

Since he said he is not going fishing you are probably all happy thinking that he is FINALLY making an effort???
It is sad how little it takes to make us happy.

There should NEVER have been a question if he was going to be home for his son's birthday- any good dad would move heaven and earth to be there for his childs first birthday- at least for part of it. Granted somethings do come up and there is nothing you can do about it- but a FISHING TRIP? please- I would have been upset.

Hang in there- you are doing great! Sorry I do not have much encouragement today...

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>