On another post you wrote: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's also why I tend to limit my responses to nonChristians, because we might have a markedly different "frame of reference" to pull from when offering and/or taking advice or comments. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmmmm. Of course, this is your prerogitive.

But this causes me to raise my eyebrows a bit. I wonder what you mean?

How do you know who's who? - both giving and taking?

If you read something you disagree with, do you use your predetermined litmus test to discount the comment?

I have found the advice and opinions from all here to be invaluable - regardless of their ethnic, political, religious, geographic or "whatever" distinguishing characteristics may be - assuming these are even discernable. I suggest you open your mind to views from as many sources as you can get, and to likewise offer your thoughts to everyone.

So, I don't know what you mean: you limit your responses to non-Christians. Why discriminate against Christians and instead, respond to them, too? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Real Christians wouldn't want to be shielded from different views, right?

WAT - a "worthy" question and one worthy of a lengthy, in depth response, I suppose. Not having the time right now for that, let me try to stumble along in a "quick" response.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you know who's who? - both giving and taking?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Usually because they state that they are a Christian or state that they are not. Sometimes they state it right out, sometimes they imply it, sometimes they state their position in response to a query. Sometimes it's simply an issue of where they happen to be in the process, pre-recovery, early recovery, etc. and their particular circumstances. With the exception of "follow God in humble obedience" there is no "one size fits all" in either giving or receiving advice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you read something you disagree with, do you use your predetermined litmus test to discount the comment?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Without a specific example to go on let me simply say that I "discount" or "disagree" with positions or statements that are clearly unbiblical. The "litmus test," if you will that I use is God's revealed word where the command or direction is clearly stated. But in areas that are not clearly revealed, there is "tolerance" for divergent opinion. I don't know if that really addresses your question or not, but it's the best that I can do "on short notice."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have found the advice and opinions from all here to be invaluable - regardless of their ethnic, political, religious, geographic or "whatever" distinguishing characteristics may be - assuming these are even discernable. I suggest you open your mind to views from as many sources as you can get, and to likewise offer your thoughts to everyone.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hmmmm...interesting way you have of putting that. I consider myself open to advice and opinions of most members, but I reserve the "right" to weigh such advice and opinion in the balance of God's commands and advice....for me personally. I choose not to "impose" my religious beliefs on anyone else. That is certainly true with those who state they are not interested in anything related to God. That does not mean that I "cannot" state an opinion, but I try not to intrude where it is obviously not welcome. I try to encourage those who may be "weaker" in the faith or who are struggling with something like "why did God let this happen" sort of thing and discuss what is the clear biblical teaching (as best I can) to give hope and support.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, I don't know what you mean: you limit your responses to non-Christians. Why discriminate against Christians and instead, respond to them, too? Real Christians wouldn't want to be shielded from different views, right?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WAT, we all "discriminate" in some ways. I do respond to non-Christians, but certainly not to all of them. I also can't respond to all Christians who might post.I don't have the time to respond to every member even if I wanted to. So I "discriminate" on what posts, even what forums, I frequent and post responses to. Besides, there are many other members who can, and often do, respond.

Different views are okay (for a Christian) unless they are clearly "worldly" and in opposition to the clearly revealed word of God. A few examples: someone might say that a revenge affair is okay. I would disagree. Someone might say that violence is okay, I would disagree. Someone might say that recovery from an affair is hopeless, I would disagree. Someone could say that it's okay to hold an affair "over the head" of a WS the rest of their life because the BS was not the one to sin, I would disagree. I'm sure that you could also come up with many other examples. The point is that we all "discriminate" to some degree based upon where we are in recovery and our own personal belief systems.

If you have more questions or would like more clarification on something, let me know and I'll try to respond more adequately.

God bless.

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 07:29 AM: Message edited by: ForeverHers ]</small>

Worthatry - Comments? Response? Agreement? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Just that I think you missed my point.

Both good and bad infidelity advice transcends faith boundaries, and all other boundaries for that matter. For anyone to limit their interaction to those of any particular persuasion seems shortsighted to me. For example, most BSs are pained to read blabber from a WS still in the act - but look how much can be learned! Priceless!

Similarly, I believe to single out one particular belief among thousands on an open forum will isolate you in the long run to proportionately limited interaction. Why not take the good and bad from everyone and ignore your perception of individual beliefs? Maybe you actually do this, but to pronounce that you limit your interaction to those of certain "qualifications" may mark you, in the extreme, as a bigot to some or just foolish to others.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just that I think you missed my point.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, WAT, I understood your point, but I'm equally sure that you don't understand mine from what you wrote.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Both good and bad infidelity advice transcends faith boundaries, and all other boundaries for that matter. For anyone to limit their interaction to those of any particular persuasion seems shortsighted to me. For example, most BSs are pained to read blabber from a WS still in the act - but look how much can be learned! Priceless!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with most of what you have said, for example; Both good and bad infidelity advice transcends faith boundaries. Take NO CONTACT as an example. I believe it is consistant no matter what one's personal belief structure is. Likewise, "bad advice" is generally bad all the time, like "open marriages are good."

But let's deal with reality for a minute. First and foremost, I (probably like most of us) don't have unlimited time to spend reading and replying to everyone. So we "pick and choose" by whatever measure we think applies. That has nothing to do with being "shortsighted." Yes, to a certain extent we can all engage in "drive by" posting. But working with someone over an extended period of time requires more "commonality" in most cases, as well as a significant investment in time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Similarly, I believe to single out one particular belief among thousands on an open forum will isolate you in the long run to proportionately limited interaction.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If that is so, and I believe you are right from the almost violent and venomous posts that I have occasionally received by someone who wanted nothing to do with "God talk," then I accept the limitation. I suspect that for those who don't believe in Christ, or who choose to not "entertain" obedience to God as a "Standard," they too will run the risk that such a stance might "isolate you in the long run to proportionately limited interaction."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why not take the good and bad from everyone and ignore your perception of individual beliefs? Maybe you actually do this, but to pronounce that you limit your interaction to those of certain "qualifications" may mark you, in the extreme, as a bigot to some or just foolish to others.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I guess if someone wants to "mark me" as a bigot or foolish for my belief in obedience to God, then I'll just have to live with that. It won't "define" who I am in my mind, but they are free to think whatever they wish. My belief is that God's opinion of me is more important, and I choose not to "compromise" if in so doing it would be in violation of God's commands or supportive of "worldly," as opposed to "Godly" views and choices. I would, and have once or twice, challenge someone that "if not God's Standards, then whose Standards will you embrace as your own?" "What will be the 'yardstick' to determine right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable?" Societies morals and mores' of any given timeperiod?

Assuming that what you meant by "Why not take the good and bad from everyone " is to EVALUATE what is offered in opinion and advice, I agree. But after evaluating, one can, and should, decide what is applicable, what can be utilized, and what should be discarded with respect to both their marital situation and their personal beliefs. Understand that I am NOT my own anymore. I was "bought and paid for" by Christ and am "owned" by God. Having surrendered my life to Christ, I am no longer "free" to do, or accept, whatever may "tickle my human fancy."

God bless.