Is there a way to get WS (serial cheat) to just for ONCE - tell the truth...

Tell me like it really is...

Tell me in words what he wants...

Give it to me straight up...

Yes, 99.9% of his actions say he wants his freedom..He has told me to Move Out..get a condo..he aint' gonna nowhere..it's his house too...but, IMHO if he wants his freedom to "date" then he should move not me...if he wants his freedom then he should be willing to pay for it (thru the nose)...why drag his feet...

Maybe, if he sat and told me the truth what he wants/expects from me/us..I could move on - file for the D...w/o him being straight I cling to what's left in my heart for him..praying that he'll see that light and get help..

I know he tells OW that I'm a horrible person/wife etc. to play on their sympathy - they should call me they'd hear my side. They support him yet they don't know him like I do..They don't see the dark side..They dont' see that I am fighting tooth and nail to hold onto a M..I'm not a B#($ - I'm a desparate W who still loves her WH

I just want a heart to heart - honesty,truth, and to understand what really went wrong..why he can't stop....won't stop...I deserve to know all so I can decide what I want..If he's worth fighting for..

Originally posted by ITHURTS:
---> tell the truth...


---> Yes, 99.9% of his actions say he wants his freedom..

Seems to me his actions are telling the truth. What he says is not as important as what he does.

What ONE THING are you looking for that you don't have?

Pep

Pep - What he says is IMPORTANT to me...I guess I need to hear him say - I don't love you, it's over.

Since he is soooo stubborn I dont' know if we are feeding off of each others bad vibes or what is going on.

I told him today during a heated argument - though, I didn't scream it- He is very ugly on the inside -when did he get so ugly..Naturally, he told me I was ugly on the outside..NOT...Does he hate me becoz I'm not at the low he's at?? Does he hate me becoz others do like me, find me attractive, think I'm a good person. And he hates that he reflects this to people yet inside he's not a genuine person - it's all show..

I've seen the hard side of him in the past - it just never lasted this long..I am at a loss as to who he has become..I don't understand this at all...are the OW sooo important do they twist his mind into believing I'm a wicked wife??

I can't let go..what if he is really depressed, bipolar, etc. and I walk away from someone I still love..that's why I need the truth - so if I walk I know I did all I could to revive the M..

Though, I do remember saying - until I catch him red handed I won't file for D - then I caught him and yet I'm still here posting on this BB...hoping for the answer.I know what lemonman would say...RUN don't Walk...He's too far gone...and I bet deep in my heart I know he's too far gone. Our M is not one that can get better from his A's..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ITHURTS:
<strong> Pep - What he says is IMPORTANT to me...I guess I need to hear him say - I don't love you, it's over.

Since he is soooo stubborn I dont' know if we are feeding off of each others bad vibes or what is going on.

I told him today during a heated argument - though, I didn't scream it- He is very ugly on the inside -when did he get so ugly..Naturally, he told me I was ugly on the outside..NOT...Does he hate me becoz I'm not at the low he's at?? Does he hate me becoz others do like me, find me attractive, think I'm a good person. And he hates that he reflects this to people yet inside he's not a genuine person - it's all show..

I've seen the hard side of him in the past - it just never lasted this long..I am at a loss as to who he has become..I don't understand this at all...are the OW sooo important do they twist his mind into believing I'm a wicked wife??

I can't let go..what if he is really depressed, bipolar, etc. and I walk away from someone I still love..that's why I need the truth - so if I walk I know I did all I could to revive the M..

Though, I do remember saying - until I catch him red handed I won't file for D - then I caught him and yet I'm still here posting on this BB...hoping for the answer.I know what lemonman would say...RUN don't Walk...He's too far gone...and I bet deep in my heart I know he's too far gone. Our M is not one that can get better from his A's.. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ITHURTS- we've had this conversation before I think.

You are not going to get "the truth" from him. And he isn't going to go ahead and file for divorce. You are obviously in some way making life better/easier for him by staying where you are- and he isn't going to do anything to change that NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS YOU. I hope you seriously think about Plan B.

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: Sadfww ]</small>

Sadfww - Yes - we've "talked' before....

Believe me I am NOT making his life easier/better..I am not the woman w/him that I use to be. I am still shuting him out - I don't cook, do laundry, etc. We haven't been out anywhere together in months..It's not a happy home for either of us..We basically ignore each other..only speak at work..

I thought if he was miserable he'd just go file and get it over with..end the game..This is the first time he said he's not "pretending anymore" w/friends, etc..If he thought about it - he'd see that I said this same thing months ago to him..He has seen the "last act"....

I think the only reason he isn't doing anything is probably becoz he has more than 1 OP - if we separated he may have to be accountable to them and he doesn't want that..I could be wrong..

I need the truth...I need to let go and know that I did the right thing...Know that there is NO chance for recovery...Know that I need to move on and find myself and a new life w/o him..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ITHURTS:
Pep - What he says is IMPORTANT to me...I guess I need to hear him say - I don't love you, it's over.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And... if he cannot say this to you (for whatever reasons) ... then what?

Pep

Then I'll be here alot longer than I should..I really need him to be the one to File for D..I know I can't do it..I've said this many times.

I've been to an attorney so I know my rights.

I just can't be the one to end it..It's not a vow thing like it is for some other posters - it's a giving up thing...throwing in the towel - quiting...walking out..I just think I'll always think "what if"...

You would be a lot better off if your "what if" question was "what if I ended up spending my life this way, because I don't have the guts to walk away"

Ithurts -

No matter how many times you post and no matter how many different responses you get, your view never changes.

I have been posting to you for awhile as has Sadfww and we would like to see you save your marriage, and more importantly yourself, but your WH is not going to change, unless the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing.

The only way you are going to get the "truth" is if you walk away, and then see what he does. He will either change and become the husband you desire and deserve, or he will not. That is where your answer lies.

I don't think he can change - because he doesn't view himself as a serial cheat..control freak..he looks in the mirror and sees a "nice guy"..and yes, he can be that...just don't check up on him..you may not like what you find..Noone knows who he truly is...except me and probably his other xw's...

I lived the fairytale for awhile...he can be great..he is very $$ giving, just not emotionally..

He can't fight for a R - it's too much effort it's easier to move onto the next one..you either close your eyes or go....that's his motto..

I know if I left he'd never "come to me"..it's not who he is..If the grass looks greener over there...go...maybe that's what's holding me back too..knowing he won't come to me..it will be the end..the end scares me..but hey, you guys know that about me already...


It's just another painful day here. I need to vent- think I'll go ride my horse....


I know you are right..

Ithurts,

You do not deserve this. And it makes me sad that you are living it.

I hope that someday you have the love and happiness you deserve.

Hang in there and have a good ride. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Weaver - The majority of the BS don't DESERVE to be here - but we are..

I too hope that I find a truthful relationship someday...Though, I doubt I'll ever put my guard down again..By the time I'm ready to start looking - I'll be too "old" to see..hahhaa.

I have a few "horse" buddies that are going thru D now too..(1) married 27 years to a narcissist (1) married 28 years to non-confrontational type.

They feel the same way - we will set boundaries up immediately - none of this wishywashy stuff - we won't be afraid that they will leave us if we make demands to protect our emotional self or the R. We will know better the next go round..

Should my prince ever come - sure hope he rides up on a big flashy horse and off to the sunset we shall ride together - because we both love horses and want a fairytale life together..just the 2 of us...