I have written quite few times to the board about my problems and though I received some info back, I got very little. At any rate I married a man i had dated for five years. Off and on. Many of the times we split it was over his infidelities and not being able to committ fully. He blamed me for the break up of his marriage even though I didn't even know him when he separated from his wife. I even called her to ask if they were really separated and filing. She assured me they were reconciling and I bowed out. He of course came back, we dated some more, me hopeful of course.
When I didn't know it he got on the internet and drummed up dates, and was also dating his secretary at work. In time we made up, moved on,
we lived together a short time and his infidelities continued behind my back. I finally threw in the towel and moved and had no contact with him for four months. He called and said he was done with cheating and the internet and that he was seeing a psychiatrist. I felt he had finally done some constructive things and was on track. I agreed to see him and to marry. What he didn't fully disclose was he was in an on and off
again relationship with a woman who was married and who also had a boyfriend. When he came back to me I told him to make sure that that relationship was done severed. He called her and said as much. This started a flurry of emails and phone calls from her crying, saying she was going to committ suicide, etc. I begged him to leave her alone. He told me he could be her friend and that they could have a platonic relationship. I told him if he thought I would put up with that he was crazy and threw him out of my house. He went directly to her and kept up a emotional connection which included him sharing our intimate details of our life, bashing our wedding, everything. I found out by going through his email accounts. They even went so far as to discuss when I was around when to call each other etc. She started to hide her phone number so I wouldn't know it was her calling, he would have her call him at work. I finally told him enough was enough. That he had disrespected me and the marriage by continuing to see his ex lover. He stated that he felt it wasn't wrong becuse they had not been intimate. I disagreed. I found other incriminating evidence of their conspiracy to wait out the marriage so they could get together.
He came crying back begging for the marriage. I sent his parents the emails and letters the two of them shared. I put him out this morning and told him to file. We had a prenup and i get nothing from him in terms of alimony. So i am sharing this because right now i am in great pain and sadness. Because of course he always proved who he was and what he was capable of yet i allowed him back into my life each time. I assumed saying wedding vows would mean something to him, it did not. So he is gone. I am sad. And I feel like I don't know what to do or where to turn now.

I am sorry for your pain here. You are strong to have made it this far, really.

Has anything changed since your last post?

Justawife, I am sorry the inevitable happened. At least you knew what you were getting when you married. And he has only lived up to what you already knew about him. Unfortunately, wedding vows do not change a man's character, as you have found out the hard way.

Sorry you are here, welcome aboard.

Justawife,

I am sorry for your pain. Your husband seems like he has a lot of changing to do. The question for you would be: do you want to wait around while he changes?

A follow-up would be: given the history of your relationship, do you think he is capable of change?

~ Snow

Everyone who begins a relationship with dishonesty believes they are the exception to the rule and less than 5% are. I know you are sad now but give it time and you will be thankful he is out of your life.

Why did you take him back if his wife told you they were trying to reconcile? There is a post here that talks about the ow thinking they are special enough that he won't stray with her. His infidelity has nothing to do with you but it's about him.

While I feel for you in your pain, my sympathy is limited. I'm sorry, Justawife, but what did you really expect? His first wedding vows meant nothing, so what was different about the second?

Let this not be a wasted experience and learn from it. Stay away from men whose words and actions don't match...and especially stay away from married men! Now you are probably feeling the same pain his wife felt when he left to be with you..and others...and still others.. The man is sick! You might consider an apology to her.

Just for clarification: I did not interfer with his first marriage he had already left his wife when I met him. We split up when I found out he was trying to reconcile, my doing entirely because I do believe in the sanctity of marriage.
He came back with divorce papers in hand asking for a second chance and unfortunately I took him back. Nothing has changed since the first post, I have refused to talk to him because among other things he is very manipulative and seductive. I know if I get on the phone he will beguile and whine until he thinks I will weaken. The only thing that remains is the divorce, though he wants an anullment because that way he can avoid paying alimony. He made me sign a prenup only hours before our wedding which should have been another flaming red flag. He tried to get me to go to counseling but I would not. He dominates these things and knows how to work the sessions to his benefit, we've been there before. Right now prayers and the love of my children and family and friends have supported me through this.
However my heart still aches because I did love him and wanted the marriage very much. I do believe people can change that's my nature. I changed. However for him I think it's hopeless at 53 years old he reasons like an adolescent. Thanks for all the support.

addendum: As for the first wife I felt two things;
I didn't know her and felt I should not have any contact, but I did send a letter at some point only because I am a woman of faith and it seemed right although as I said I did NOT take him from her. He chose to leave her on his own and that's when I met him. I think the real lesson is; people in the midst of separation are STILL married and potentially capable of getting back together. Yes, I think he is sick, but my real fear is HIV or something. He admitted he had unprotected sex with the woman and she was married and had numerous boyfriends. I told him in an email that though I will not have a boyfriend until we are legally divorced, I still cannot look forward to having an intimate relationship with a man without much lab testing and confession about my unintended situation. Thats sad too.