Hello All,
A little weekend update. Weekend for most part went well as well as the week. Wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be with first week without WW wife present. WW came to house few times this weekend,with the kids. WW had mentioned that she really did miss me over last week. Granted only been a week, but states that she enjoyed having kids there for week but missed adult conversation. I had asked still talking with OM, and she replied yes occasionally. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> although stated again that that was about it with him. Again stated not sure it is going anywhere. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
Now lets get to the wierd part. I can sense WW being extra nice to me now and actually looking at me differently now. Even made a comment about my wt. loss stating will have to call you bagging draws now, but said that was a good thing. WW admitted later that she missed me and still loves me and always did just sometimes i make her mad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Again more hugging mostly on her part. Again i said the ILYT back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Shouldn't have gotten suck in with this but i did.
I pretty much feel the relationship with OM has started to if not close to being fizzled out, again my assumptions, but i knew it was starting to wear out prior to her move out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Problem is now I am not so sure i like the position WW is trying to place me in. I never wanted to become WW backup plan or second choice. I still want to see a lot more action in working on us by her right now. I still have a lot of memories of her verbally trashing our marriage to me and actually making OM her first choice over me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I want to see some remorse on her part and i am not seeing this. Don't know if i ever will.
Family and Friends feel i am nuts to even considering taking her back. Feel after all that she has done to me, and said to me, along with the broken trust. Why ???
Honestly, I want her to get some IC in which she says she will but even now she seems to be procrastinating on this. Making excuses about trying to fit into her schedule between work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know she would like to forget this whole mess happen, everytime i start to mention about the stuff that she said to me and her choices that she made, she states i don't want to talk about this and changes subject. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Guilt i presume.
I have told her several times she knows what she needs to do to give us a chance ( Permanent NC with OM) states she knows.
Am i wrong to not be cautious again?
To want to let her live on her own for a while to think about what she has done?
To address some issues prior to letting her just waltz back into my life?
Biggest thingi want to see is her actively working as hard as i did before we separated on us. I don't want it to end up to be one sided again.
I don't want to end up with this whole mess again 1 yr,2yr,5yrs. down the line. Because she felt she had to drift to find other interests.
Of course i haven't mentioned any of this to her but these are my thoughts. I have mentioned to seek IC for the drifting issues. She agreed that this is something she wants to address.
Are they too much? Unrealistic? Would WW ever show any remorse for any of this or am i dreaming with this?
I guess i am still plan A'ing but giving WW and myself some space.
jets

Talked with WW last night.
WW still in fogland, still indecisive about what she wants. Thought Om was kind of fading out of picture,but from lack of response from WW on where he is at with her. I have to assume things are still not fading with her and him.
Getting frustrated and tired of this game. WW keeps stringing me along and tries to avoid any decision or talk about making a permanent NC with OM to give us a chance. I told her i am not looking, but will not wait forever and will move on.
No reponse from WW other than what brought this up? Who did you talk too?
Told her i have talked with no one just doing a lot of thinking. WW stated i don't want to get into a argument about this. Advised her i wasn't arguing just telling you my thoughts. WW with no comment. Told her i heading to bed you know my cell number. Told her earlier ACtions right now speak louder than words. Advised her in she knowing what she has to do. Again silence on her part.
Tired of this mess. Tired of being treated as second class by her and ready to move on.
jets

I guess i will keep replying to myself since no
one else is responding with any comments.
I guess WW is trying to play my game.
Talked with kids on phone tonight and they asked if she wanted to speak with me. She said No she was too tired, then hung up. I guess she is still p.o'd from what i said last night about making no contact and getting IC or i move on.
Oh well, i say. This is one situation that she has lost her controll over. Even though it is killing me not to be able to talk with her. I cannot agree with her disrespect of me and total stringing me along and not admitting it.
Hard to believe that i had never seen this part of my WW in all the 20 yrs. that i have known her. I know we all say that this is a alien, but reality is it is the same wife i married only that she has become selfish and self centered on her happiness. I know she thinks by giving me the silent treatment, that i will not be able to handle it and make the move to call her. Which is just what she wants to put me back on her string. I admit that it is hard but i am not going to give into her this time. She made her choice few weeks ago when she chose Om over me her partner who beared with her through a lot of our life moments up's and downs together, for someone she has met on internet and known for 10mo. I still keep hoping and waiting to hear her ask me how my day was or show any type of interest in me, but it never comes. I don't know why i expect it. It hasn't been there in long time. All i get is her day and her events in her life. It has all been about her.
I deserve better. I know there is someone out there to take a interest in me and just for once care about what is going on with me. I thought it was WW ,but i really don't know anymore.
WW knows what she has to do to get us out ofthe starting gate (nc),Ic but she just won't do it especially the first. WEll my attitude now is she has made her bed now she will have to lie in it. Maybe this a nonMb philosophy, but i am getting tired of being the pawn in her game. To keep around as a consolation prize if relationship with OM doesn't work out.
So very hard to surpress feelings for a woman that i have loved for 20yrs. of my life. But i look at her and she seems to have no problems with this.
Oh well if no one responds at least i consider this a vent session for me.
jets

Jets:

Sorry for your continued pain. I honestly will never know the true depths of your pain. I readily admit that I WOULD NEVER do what you are doing. Although I honestly believe that in most instances if you "wait it out" the WS will eventually find their way back to you. PLan A, Plan B WHATEVER.....It may take years, but it will probably happen someday. Just read this board and the many years of posts and IN MANY instances the WS eventually comes back AT LEAST ONCE in the saga. You may end up being be the second (or 3rd) choice after OM dumps her but I truly believe that you will get another chance with her. For many posters on here that would be ok, because they would at least be "recovering " the marriage. AS many PLan A zealots here would say, stay strong and keep Plan A'ing. In the end all that matters is saving the marriage. After all you have kids and you should ALWAYS save a marriage for the kids sake right????

I hope that someday you can feel better about all of this. Honestly, I think a lot of what goes on here with Plan A and continuing to be the only one to save a marriage is a lot of BS. You charade a facade that is NOT REALITY. You play "games" to lure the WS back to a person that is just charading. Inevitably a lot of BS on here look so weak and needy, and there is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that is more unattractive to a person than those two traits. It (IN MY OPINION ONLY) is doormat behavior and self degarding behavior....That being said (and this has made me an unpopular guy on here) I think if doing all of this Plan A'ing and going through this extremely painful time in your life will let you "feel free" and let you believe that you did everything that you could do save the marriage and move on down the road with no regrets, then I can probably understand that to a degree. You and everyone else here knows what my advice would be to you (no need to actually say it and upset people) but at this point you just have to remember that YOU ARE CHOOSING THIS LIFE FOR YOURSELF. You are choosing to accept this pain. Your WW has no blame for the pain and suffering that you continue to have as you choose this for yourself in Plan A'ing. I think if you remember those "concepts", you can get through this easier. It may make you feel less anger towards WW, as you know it is you who are solely responsible for your pain. Good luck my Jets friend (6-1 and looking good).

EDITED ** for clarity

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: lemonman ]</small>

You aren't unpopular in this house Lemonman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

--Noodle

Thanks for responding Lemmonman.
I agree with alot of what you say. Don't like to hear that i maybe the second or even third choice.
This is so unfair,but again life isn't fair as we all know.
I truly think WW wants to be back in our relationship but her actions say otherwise.
Thanks for letting me see it in a different way as me being the cause of my own pain.
I will cont. to wait this out for a while longer, perhaps till the end of the year, but i must come to a point and realize your above comments about me being the cause of my own pain and move on.
I will always be a friend to WW even if we never reconcile as a couple again. That is just my personality as well as her. Right now i just want so much more with her than a cordial friendship and it appears very one sided in that aspect.
I know it probably not good or right but i have been looking and trying to see if anyone would take a interest in me. I have had a few looks, but am really in no mindset to act upon it. I really do not want another relationship right now or for a long while, although it would be nice to least have dinner with someone and just enjoy the fact that someone else generally finds me interesting. Funny thing is as nature goes i feel i will finally be able to have a handle on my feelings for WW and then WW will try to get back into my life and throw my emotions and feelings all into a funk again. This seems so typical of WW or least from what i have read here on the board, but how long does one have to wait before they move on? Who sets the time line ? Where is that law written that you have to wait it out for maybe something that maynot ever be?
I am still angry with WW because of her being so cruel in the fact of all the good times and bad times and history that we have shared together that she would throw this all in the trash. I often told her if u where in a boat and me and om where over board and you had one life preserver to give out, who would you give it too? She never really gave a answer, but through all this and her decisions i feel right now she would give that to Om and let the father of her kids and someone she shares a long history with drown!!!!
I will move on, and she knows this, but my timeline will dictate this and i have control over this not her.
Thanks for the support and will cont. to write when needed. (jets 6-1 and looking better each weekend)
jets