</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cerri:
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Ok - the other thing I was struck by in your post was the reference to absolute truth. I believe there are absolute facts but not really absolute truth. I also think that the only thing any of us can be honest about is what we experience personally. We can be honest about our feelings, what we see around us, what we do, and about facts that present themselves to us. But other than that? I dunno.


C </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cerri-

I think I pretty much agree with you. I tend to think of some "facts" as "truths" (i.e. human beings cannot survive without oxygen). Other then that, our whole perception of the world and those who live in it is colored by our experiences: cultural, religious, gender based etc. When we make non-factual assertion it is in essence our opinion based on our own experiences.

I can't tell you how MB would handle such a board - on the off chance they agreed to even have one. I can tell you that the 'rules and ettiquette' for the private Reclamation Board that I host are exactly the same as for all other boards I host. And that I personally moderate that particular board so I know very well that the rules are not being abused.

Hmmmm..... I thought I could give you a link to my TOS but it seems I can't. Here is what it says:
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Welcome to the Village Gathering - our online discussion forum dedicated to assisting couples whose marriages are in crisis. Our specialty and our focus is Infidelity Intervention from Discovery to Recovery â„¢. Our board moderators are trained to assist you and to point you in the direction of further resources. In addition, the SYMC School of Coaching Students and Mentors are highly visible contributors who can offer invaluable guidance to those in need. We are dedicated to preserving marriages and families and to assisting couples in the work of healing and restoration of love.
The Village Gathering is open to all who wish to read. Only registered members may post replies.

To register please read the following rules of conduct for our Village Gathering and answer the questions directly following. Upon acceptance, your member number will be sent to you in an email.

We’re looking forward to having you as part of the Village.

All the best,
Penny R. Tupy
Founder and Coach Save Your Marriage Central
Founder and Director SYMC School of Coaching, SYMC Global Village


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Code of Conduct for the Village Gathering online Discussion Bulletin Board

All members are to be treated with the utmost dignity and respect regardless of their marital status, race, creed, color, age, ethnicity, sexual orientation or lifestyle choices.

Differences of opinion are normal and natural. Respectful exploration and conversation regarding those differences is encouraged.

No flaming or disrespect will be tolerated.

Moderators have the responsibility and authority to take action as they see fit in the event of violations of the board rules.


SYMC is a marriage advocacy organization. While we recognize that there are times when divorce is inevitable our goal is to save the marriage and heal the relationship. We do not advise couples or individuals to seek divorce.

No matter what our position on a member’s personal choices we will continue to treat them with respect and dignity and to remove ourselves from the situation if our own opinions make doing so impossible.

No matter what our position on a member’s personal choices we treat them with respect and dignity and to remove ourselves from the situation if our own opinions make doing so impossible. <LOL!! I see this is in here twice - I guess I was feeling pretty strongly about it when I wrote this.>


Members are to be aware that online discussions create vulnerability within their own marriages and to be vigilant against creating relationships that endanger their marriage or someone else’s.


The Code of Conduct also prohibits SYMC members from facilitating an affair in progress, e.g. giving advice designed to strengthen or build a romantic relationship to couples having an affair.


Sexually explicit information or conversations are prohibited and are grounds for immediate removal from the Village.

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This is forum is for discussion and support only. It is not meant to replace or supplant professional coaching or counseling. SYMC Board Moderators and SYMC SoC Students are active members of the forum and their participation is in no way to be taken as professional advice. Penny also contributes to this board and her opinions and thoughts are to be taken as opinions only, not professional guidance, given with less than full information in a public venue. As such, SYMC assumes no liability for the outcome of advice procured at this site. If you need professional coaching please contact our office at 877.416.2657 to make an appointment.
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No disrespect, no flaming, remove yourself from a discussion if your opinions are such that you would violate that rule. We don't advise divorce (although we all understand that it happens and support our members when it does - afer we uhmmmm encourage them to take every measure possible first), and NO advocacy of any sort towards infidelity.

C

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">originally posted by cerri: However, not once, even for a moment have I felt somehow different or looked down on here at MB because of that fact. I'm trying to figure out why my experience is so different from what you describe. And, I know you know I'm not in any way invalidating your experience, just wondering why mine has been different.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe that's just it...maybe it's something I perceive, or how I feel, but not something that actually is ? I don't know though cerri, P/C is a different animal, because I've not sensed it or experienced it personally here on GQ. I have and do however sense it on P/C. In fact, while whining to some of my friends via email in the past, I've used you as an example of someone who is a FWW who is accepted for who and what you are now.

I don't know, maybe it's just a clique thing--but I know in my heart of hearts, I will never be one of the "club", unless God forbid, I post one day saying I'm now a BW. It's different over there, I'm convinced of it. Read there for a bit.

I'm quite sure I don't know MB inside and out as you do, but I know it pretty well, and if I'm not sure of something, I always check the resources before I post. I've given BW lots of MB advice, and still I sense a kind of, "what is she doing, giving advice??". It's never been said, just what I've perceived in perhaps, what hasn't been said.

I feel like P/C is my home though, since that's where I first posted. Yet, when I am struggling with something that I fear could trigger one of the BW, I post it here. I'd rather post it there, as more people know me and my history, but I feel uncomfortable doing so.

~ad

Autumn -
I don't know though cerri, P/C is a different animal, because I've not sensed it or experienced it personally here on GQ. I have and do however sense it on P/C.

You may be very right about that. I've never been there and it's not something that I've had to deal with personally. With clients - yeah - and it breaks my heart. When I was in my 20's I did pregnancy advocacy volunteer work for women with unplanned pregnancies. The one that broke my heart was the woman who had an affair and was pregnant with the AP's child and chose to have an abortion. I felt (and still do, some 20 years later) so sad for her - for all of them.


In fact, while whining to some of my friends via email in the past, I've used you as an example of someone who is a FWW who is accepted for who and what you are now.

ROTFL!! Alright - so being a dyed in the wool coach let me ask you a couple of things - what is it that I do differently? Or what do I do that you don't? Or what don't I do that you do? Is it the over the top arrogance? That takes years to really fully develop <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't know, maybe it's just a clique thing--but I know in my heart of hearts, I will never be one of the "club", unless God forbid, I post one day saying I'm now a BW.

Well, that might be part of it too - because I am that as well.

It's different over there, I'm convinced of it. Read there for a bit.

I will if I get a chance. My web designer has been out for the last week so I'm kinda cooling my heels and not able to do some of the work I should be doing. Poor thing - her dad died two weeks ago and then she got new that her bf is going to the Ukraine for three years and leaves on Sunday.

I'm quite sure I don't know MB inside and out as you do, but I know it pretty well, and if I'm not sure of something, I always check the resources before I post. I've given BW lots of MB advice, and still I sense a kind of, "what is she doing, giving advice??". It's never been said, just what I've perceived in perhaps, what hasn't been said.

Ahhhhhh..... there you go..... so is it others disdain for your right to give advice that you're feeling or is it your own? See - this is where cultivating arrogance comes in handy. I've never questioned my right to give advice or the fact that I know what I'm talking about. I read, I do the research, I ask others for input, I make sure I understand what I'm talking about and then I go with it. And if someone doesn't like it for one reason or another (try being 'just a coach' in a professioanal field populated by therapists) they can take a flying leap - it's their loss not mine.

So my question is - who needs to believe that you have the right to state what you think and why - others or you?

I feel like P/C is my home though, since that's where I first posted. Yet, when I am struggling with something that I fear could trigger one of the BW, I post it here. I'd rather post it there, as more people know me and my history, but I feel uncomfortable doing so.

So what if you preface your post with something that says just that? "I'm struggling with something and I don't want to trigger anyone or cause anyone pain but I'd really like input from the people who know me best here at P/C,"?

C

Ah, cerri...

The old relative truth thing...I've spent a lot of years studying on this idea as well...

I suspect this will be something we agree to disagree on as it is a subject best debated among real friends sharing a good red wine...

Remember those college days? Pomp and theosophy...

School of Thinking, eh? Looks interesting.

Of course, good ol' Sam Clemmons could've been on to something when he said "Never let your schoolin' interfere with your education!"

LOL! Later, Low

I suspect this will be something we agree to disagree on as it is a subject best debated among real friends sharing a good red wine...

So, you'll be at J's party next weekend? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Of course, good ol' Sam Clemmons could've been on to something when he said "Never let your schoolin' interfere with your education!"

Amen! (errrr..... so mote it be!)

C