Hi there. I have read here a bit but haven't really had time to be active on the boards. No, my H is home. He was actually away for about two months and I wasn't here all the time, which I guess might mean that I am getting better all the time in myself.

Oh the thesis. Still not finished. I have until first week in December, but I lack in the motivation to get it done department drastically.
Anyway will get my finger out and get it finished (probably an OZ saying, basically means I will start working on it).

How are you. I read on Os thread that you recovery is going well and that you are through with counseling. Sounds lik you are doing well.

Here we are heading towards summer. My eldest has one week to go for UNI this year, my daughter has finished this year. So they will soon be home for a while. I am enjoying my job and have had a lot of house guests and trips away recently. I am off to Canberra this weekend as It is my daughter's 19th birthday. I just realised that I need to organise a 21st for my son in May so I had better start thinking about that.

H has been home two days. He was in England and Belgium and down the coast in OZ before that. All is very lovey dovey right now after such a long time apart. He bought me some black pearl jewelly which is lovely and some nice lingeree as well as potholders from Harrods in England, plus some alcohol. I feel very spoilt.

We did have an arguement on the phone about a week before he came home. It had to do with the fact that he was finally reading a relationship book (Dr Phil's) and that he felt I was manipulating him to do so. (he promised on Dday to read that book, this is three years later) I guess at the time of the arguement that what he said just kicked it for me. It hit a raw nerve, that deep down I wonder how much he does for me because of love and how much of it is because he feels he has to ie he feels manipulated to do it. I guess my deepest fear he is here to do the right thing and not out of love. Took me a few days to get over it, despite him apologising the next night. I was even a bit apprehensive about his homecoming as was feeling rather despondent and ready to give up.

However all is fine. He seems keen to get into doing the reconnection exercises and he has raised this not me. I think my own self doubt has been the hardest thing for me in this recovery.

Anyway so I am feeling a lot of hope again and have thoroughly enjoyed his homecoming.

Anyway as always great to hear from you
C&S

Well, OK, that is better. My very own thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My dear, I am afraid you have spoilt me! As they say down in OZ.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Anyway will get my finger out and get it finished </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am so glad you clarified this. I was wondering if you had some witchy way of writing thesis papers, or if you only had one finger to type with, or . . . You see my dilemma. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All of that sounds absolutely wonderful. Hm, manipulating after 3 years? Holding him to a commitment he made? Hm. Sounds like my H last night trying to tell me I was "making" him mad.

I felt like saying, "Dear, if I could MAKE you do anything, I would have MADE you not have an A!" Good grief. Instead, I just calmly stood up and went to bed.

This morning, he was more of the same, telling me he shouldn't let ME get to him. Ugh. I just didn't enroll. I just went about my day, and let that issue die. Days like today I wonder if we quit MC too soon! But I realize we had this even during MC, and by the time the weekly appointment came around, we had pulled ourselves out and ended up just reporting what happened to the MC.

Scary. I feel like we've been pushed out of the nest, and we have to fly all by ourselves. I know we can do it, though. AND, our MC is just one call and about one mile away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How exciting to have your kids coming home soon! 21 is not the drinking age over there, is it? Are 21st birthdays there like they are here? SCARY!

Thank you so much for checking in with me. I do think you doubt yourself too much. I sometimes begin thinking "what if he just came home to do the right thing, what if he wants to be somewhere else, with someone else, blah blah blah." Then I realize what a tremendous amount of ENERGY that would take. And I dismiss it. Life is too short.

I love you! Thank you! Great hearing from you!

Spider Slayer