I see here, too often, we all (we BSs), don't realy give a forum to WSs.

This scrary for me, but I'd truly rather KNOW what goes through your head?

What goes through your mind as you justify what you've done or what you're doing? (if you still are?)

I know (look at sig) that you rationalize, in some way, but since I didn't do the EA part, I don't know THAT part....

Those of you that have been through it, have picked it apart, have asked yourself the big ol' WHY?, please tell me???

Is it just the excitement? Really? No, I meam REALLY???? The total, overwhelming excitement of the decpetion, the planning, the secrets, the cover up, the SUCCESS at cover up, is it the drama and free-flowing emotions? Doesn't that fuel the whole thing? Doesn't that excitemnt just pump you up and prime you for more?

Do you find yourself rationalizing why this peice of [censored] deserves your attention after all you've done for him/her? Do you see it?

I did. but I have the amazing perspectvie of the 'Used Woman."

We are all used, unless both oare truly giving al their hearts. The hard part is, determining if BOTH are.....or are we just hearing what we WANT to hear? Are we just seeing what we WANT to see? IS THIS THE PERSON I THOUGHT???

Well, I got used. I got used BIG TIME. I tried, in my mind, to justify it, to think I was special to him in some way. I tried. I kept on trying, bc the alternative wasn't altogether pleasant....

but, in the end, I was USED. The ol' Chines proberb of the scorpion and the turtle... "it is my nature.....

should've just told H what I needed.

he should've told me, too.

yes sometimes you can tell and tell until you are blue in the face. i have actually begged my husband for changes but he doesn't know what to do or he doesn't want to change. He goes and puts out this attitude that things are great. We have gone to counseling numerous times and makes us out smelling like roses to the counselor. Well I have a surprise coming to him. At our next counselor's meeting (does anyone suggest a good one in East Bay Area-specifically San Ramon, CA let me know) I will give him the news of the As. I will let him paint the rose picture that he always does to the therapist and drop the bomb. I must sound evil and mean. But I just don't know what else to do. I want this marriage to work but I want us both mutually happy. He says he is content and happy but how could he be if I am so stinking miserable and unsatified.

No for me it is not the excitement per se. For me it was something to do because I feel that the end of my life is coming soon (I have a kidney disease) and I wanted for once to have some attention and affection and wild and crazy sex. I wanted to feel sexy again and pretty, smart and attractive. I wanted to feel wanted and needed. I wanted to be lusted and chased after. I wanted someone to be turned on to me and can't get enough of me and willing to change their schedule around to just be with ME. Someone willing to drop everything just for me. I wanted some to schedule time with me. I wanted someone to talk to and to share and to argue with at times and disagree. I wanted someone to challenge my views and thoughts. Someone who was intelligent and we could carry on a philosophical discussion. Someone who was romantic.
I am always willing to be romantic and on the fly for H including giving him something while he drives or on the phone or a quickie here and there but he won't have any of it. It is so frustrating. I can't tell you how many husbands would be thrilled to have that from their woman and I am willing to do it for my husband and he doesn't want it. It hurts.