I'm confused just as things were just starting to look clear. DV date is approaching. I was just starting my life over. I called my STBXH today to ask if I could stop by to pick up some more of my things. I had sent a message earlier but I ddn't recieve a response so I called. He was very cold on the phone. Asked how much more I had to pick up. Made it seem like he wanted me to stop coming by.

I sent a message to him tonight telling him that I know that he wants me out of his life but I was going to continue to pick up things as long as some of my belongings were still there and that I couldn't believe that he thought so little of our friendship. (this is refering to him throwing away our friendship because he won't ask the girl to stop his classes)

So I get a message back from him saying that if it meant so little to him he wonders why he cries about it so often and that my frequent bitter msg's upset him so...

So I tell him that I'm really sorry. That I felt like he didn't care and that I really do miss having him in my life.

Then he says that I continuously make him feel terrible and all he wants is to feel better and that I'm making him feel sick and that he doesn't want to talk.

????
I was supposed to stop by tommorrow morning but I'm thinking about putting that off. What should I do?

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

Well, gosh. From this knothole it looks to me like he is having a pity party. He feels sorry for himself. Why? Fallout from his choices, of course.

At the risk of a DJ towards him, it also looks to me like he is trying to manipulate your emotions on his behalf. He has done this kind of manipulation before you write, more than once.

Get your stuff at your convenience; don’t worry about him. He needs to face the consequences of his choices, even if they make him feel bad. Especially if they make him feel bad. He may grow a little then. Or, he may revert to an even more selfish WS. Either way, you will have another data point with which to make your choices good ones for you.

To get your things, I suggest you either take someone with you or send someone on your behalf. He may really try to emotionally manipulate you if you are by yourself.

T

The problem is that I don't know anybody who could come with me and even if I had someone to go on my behalf, all of our stuff is still mixed together... that's why it's taking me so long to get it all. I have to sort and take things one car load at a time.

I talked to my dad this afternoon and he wanted to tell me that I may not have seen it at the time but my family saw just how much my H controlled everything I did. I don't know if he's trying to manipulate me. It just made me feel sad.

What a jerk Ivory...taking full advantage of you and trying to make you feel bad...forget it! HIs is the one at wrong and YES he needs to face the consequences of his shady actions.

If you still have stuff at his place when I come home for the holidays (I will also be home over Thanksgiving, Nov 21-26th), I can borrow my parents car and pick your things up from him so you can avoid his total manipulation...grrr, what an A**hole.

-K

thanks k...
i still don't know what to do. he says that i contstantly make him feel miserable but why does he treat me like crap?

I've tried to put on this mask the month that I don't care anymore because everyone thinks I'm crazy for missing him but people are starting to pick up on it. I girl from work told me the other day that another coworker told her that I talk as if I'm still in love with my H. I don't know if I am or not. I'm in love with the old him I guess but it seems like that him is gone.

Ivory-I don't think there is any doubt that we still love our WH's. I am devastated by this all and I still can't believe how hurtful WH has been as a friend and significant other. I think part of the anger that is displayed towards us is their own unhappiness shining through...has nothing to do with us, everything to do with their guilt, shame, disappointment for where their shady behaviors have lead thim. No, it does not justify their behaviors towards us but that is why Harley has a Plan B, which allows us to focus on our own wellbeing.

I stayed true to my role as wife, as you have, and we can hold our head high knowing this. In the next 6 months before the divorce is finalized, a lot can happen. I am not banking on it but I know there is always a chance that WH comes home. I am not going to think about it...rather, focus on all that is positive around me....my business, my family, my friends, my athletic career, etc. None of my emotional energy is going to be spent on WH unlike when I was in Plan A where all my emotional energy was being spent on him. If WH comes home, then I'll talk. If not, I have spent the last 6 months focusing on what makes me happy and moving forward in life. I want you to do the same. I know it is hard...I still have frequent crying bouts when I start reminiscing or think about the life with WH that I miss so much....BUT going out, dressing up in sexy outfits, socializing with conficence, and innocently flirting has helped me rebuild my once small self esteem. I think we all hit rock bottom at some point during the emotional chaos of betrayal...it is a matter of doing things to help rebuild that confidence in ourselves...that, my friend, is super attractive to all men ( :

Hope to meet you in a few weeks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-K

k,
e-mail me @ ivoryivy@msn.com and I'll give you my real e-mail addy since I'm canceling that account soon. I won't be on here much anymore so we can organize when we can have our night out when you get up here.
-marisa