Hey WOE...I remembered some time ago someone had responded to one of my posts about my gambling...wasn't sure who it was, that is, until I came across one of your posts tonight.

Can I put you on the spot? And this is under the disclaimer, I know you are not a professional counselour, so don't worry--I won't hold anything against you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But, how are you overcoming your demon? What were your triggers? How did you keep them at bay? Goodness, I have so many questions, it's unfair. Sorry. I just find myself with this demon on my shoulders daily, ever aware that he's there, just not able to stab him in the heart. And being in the M dillema we're in (on opposite sides, methinks), I'm taking a shot at it!

Would you maybe be willing to exchange email addresses--or even, just continue a thread here?

Thanks for listening.

LINY

LINY, Cool something I actually know something about. If you don't mind I prefer to keep this discussion in a public forum.

First thing I want to bring up is that you are extremely vulnerable right now. SH told me be very careful around lady friends after my W's A. I wasn't as drawn to seeking out female companionship as I was back to gambling. It would be fun and make all the pain go away for a while, right? Just like people go back to smoking during crisis or any other addiction as a crutch we are vulnerable to gambling. Take heroic precautions.

I was a sportsbetter and I imagine you have gone down the same road. NFL season is very difficult right? But I only need to think about the pain I inflicted and I suppose that contributes to my W's justification of her A now. Let me take you back through my early days and perhaps it will help you understand how I walked away.

By 18, I was gambling paychecks away. By 21 I was having to create pyramid schemes to keep it all going. Well by the time I got to be 29 I had my first d-day. The magnitude of the debt was lost on me but the look in the eyes of friends and family was startling. No enough to get me out of the fog but startling enough. Second d-day about 18 months later. By now I have spent 9 years in an apartment and had 3 kids and a M that was teetering. At the same time my mother was dying of cancer and I remember crying in front of the banker who had called me in about "kiting" checks. I explained that I wasn't crying about the financial situation but that my mother was sick. She died the next day. When I went to the store to purchase some spirits for the after the funeral party the clerk said to me "American Express would like to speak to you". I was with my 5 yr. old son and they declined my purchase. Now I was being sent to GA meetings, owed my company money and had lost all the respect of anyone I cared about. During the next 2 years or so all my money went to digging out. I finally got out of the apartment and for the last 12 years have been making it up to my W. I don't look back. I would STRONGLY suggest you call GA and get a "sponsor". It is someone that you can call anytime you need help. They will meet you for coffee on short notice and are all former gamblers. These meetings are very supportive. I hope I went in a direction that is helpful. Please let me know any specific questions you may have.

WOE

WOE..absolutely have no problem keeping it on the thread. All I appreciate is you taking the time to respond. Thanks.

A little bit about me...

No, not, sports, of all dang things, scratch-offs. It does make sense when you know me--impulsive by nature. It's the immediate thrill; the immediate escape. Always been a "stuffer." Always looking for the escape. Put the facade up of being this strong-minded, strong-willed person. Only to escape in the immediate thrill. So, I'm sure you also won't be surprised that I am the FWH. ("Only" an EA; considering the nature of my impulsiveness, it now surprises even me at times that it wasn't a PA.)

So, with this being the immediate escape, have many triggers. Tried GA; as I stated, my IC was running a state run program for (mainly) gamblers. Also set up a chapter of GA. Went a few times on two different "D-days", but felt (after thoroughly talking with my IC) that it was not for me. I wasn't getting anything out of it. (My second attempt, I really did try.)

Continued with my IC--stopped completely for about 9 months. And I think it was because he was getting close to finding out some of the "why's" behind it. So rather than face that, stopped gambling and didn't go to IC. You see? It was my rationalization of which escape would be the lesser of two evils. And one of the reasons why I had an EA--but, that's a different topic--one that I have conquered.

I am *NOT* diminshing your demon, your battles, and ultimately your victory with gambling. And I am *NOT* making excuses for my hybrid. But, in my impulsive mind, I would be OK with "just" sporting, ponies, even the state lottery. It's completely different in my frame of mind. I'd have to wait for the results; I'd have to wait for any "reward." It wouldn't be a legitimate escape, in my mind. I'd actually have to think about what I was doing as opposed to walking in any store and buying a scratch-off. Another reason why a sponsor wouldn't help--it so quick, I would have already done it!

I have not hit the "rock-bottom" 'they' say it takes to truly recover. Don't want to either. Don't know how to stop the urges; the option of this as an escape.

I'll tell more later or over the weekend. Really glad you responded, woe. Sometimes I think I'd rather be an alcholic: alchoholism seems to be "more accpetable" than gambling. (Please for anybody that may be reading this: I am NOT diminishing alcholism; just stating that it is more acceptable tahn gambling as there has been more research about it and gambling, we are all just starting to really learn about it now.) Yet, as we both know, both are diseases. And I also know, both can be dealt with and both we can live with on a daily basis.

If you have some time, what were the "why's" behind your sit?

Thanks again!

God grant me the serenity...

LINY, first I would not say your addiction is a hybrid. When I attended GA meetings this type of gambling was as common as anything else. I would suggest it simply is more suited to your nature. You seem a bit high strung which I hope you don't take as criticism. That may or may not be seperate issue but perhaps some kind of meds might be helpful for your overall well being. Just like AD's are recommended for people struggling with A's maybe there's something that could help you for the time being.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got about my gambling or any other bad habit is to exaggerate the problem. On another thread someone made reference to a Dr. Phil episode saying that all addictions are simply bad habits. Perhaps not completely true but some merit in that for sure. Don't underestimate the value of a sponsor either. Perhaps you don't call him in time to stop you but you call him immediately afterwards. Kinda like POJA. If you know you have to tell him/her afterwards it may make gambling less attractive. Especially if you get close and respect your sponsor.

But as far as learning more about gambling I do understand what you are saying. I think it was the quarterback for Ohio State football that looked for a medical solution for his problem quite a few years back.

My own problems developed in stages. Kinda like the slippery slope analogy. At 10 I would bet my older brother on Monday Night Football 25 cents. By 12 I began playing cards and was enjoying the thrill of it. By 18 I was introduced to a bookie and it escalated from there. The reason gambling is looked down on more than other addictions is because of the financial damage you can do.

I think if you can afford IC that is probably the best path for you. I'm sure you have found that it has a very calming effect if you stick with it. I would also suggest that you applaud yourself when you get through a day without playing these tickets. Maybe you don't get through a whole week but if you reduce the number of days each week that is progress. In other words don't beat yourself up because you "fell" after 5 good days. Pick yourself up and try to string along 6 good days etc.

For me I suppose I did hit rock bottom and it was easy to walk away. It simply got too heavy to continue. I'll keep an eye out for your posts. And I hope today was a "good day". I saw your compassionate effort to help Frank today and perhaps you could spend your time here to take your mind off things. This may seem like an odd comment, but I consider this a very wholesome place. Lot's of wonderful folks here with hearts in the right place. Take a deep breath.

WOE

WOE, again thanks for taking the time to post. It really means a lot when someone knows exactly what you are feeling and thinking, etc. (That is one of the few things I do miss about GA.

I'll put more of my thoughts and sit (and theory: "all addictions are simply bad habits" and how I feel about that statement) over the weekend. It may help you to maybe help me take it that step further which I can't seem to get to.

Stress seems to be my biggest triggers. (well, "Duh!") And there are times that everywhere I turn, there's stress. Can't escape from it. Have to learn how to "deal" with it.

Have a great day, woe. Thanks again. I'll give you more over the weekend.

Liny, I read up a bit on GA. It was said that Scratch off are highly addictive because of the instant gratification.

It said to devise a plan for yourself.

-Do you want to give it up completely?
-Do you want to cut back?

-Figure out your triggers. Try to avoid them, and try to find new coping skills.

-Get some accountability partners. Brown, or other family and friends. As many as you can. People who will help you, not allow you.

-If you have any friends/family who are encouraging your gambling in anyway, cut them off, it will only hinder your recovery.

-If you feel the urge, wait 10 minutes, if you still feel the urge, wait 10 more minutes. Try to keep waiting filling your time with something else, that you like to do. Fight the urge as much as possible.

-You should make a simple list of things you enjoy, and when the urge comes, look at your list and do something on the list to try to curb your urge.

It was said, the first 3 months are the toughest, then it gets easier, still tough, but easier.

I wish you luck my funny friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Something you might have all ready tried or heard, but you have been weighing heavy on my heart. I'm praying for you.

KY