Confronted wife this weekend. I was very good, for once I feel like I said all the right things. In what she said and the way she reacted she kind of admitted to the affair. I am sure that the other guy cut her loose a few months ago. The last few days have been really pleasant, but there are still those suspicious thoughts that pop into my head. What is the next step that I should take?

You can introduce her to some of the MB concepts. You can talk about what in your M made it ripe for an A. Ask about EN's, ask her to fill out an EN questionnaire, ask her if she is willing to go to MC. What has she been missing from her M...

Time to make a better M and make it A-proof.

If you are serious about saving and rebuilding your marriage then you are going to have to make a committment to yourself that you are NOT going to let your bitterness and resentment get ahold of you. These two are poisonous to any ending of an affair and more so to the initial phases of marital recovery. One way that can help you is to take stock of all of your W's good qualities and remind yourself that she still has them and also remind her of them without asking anything of her in return. Create a safe emotional environment by conveying to her that you are ready to actively listen to her anytime she wants and that you won't punish her if she confides in you her deepests thoughts and feelings no matter how painful they are. The point is to highlight your emotional strength and compassion to her so that she will begin to feel that she can physically and emotionally approach you.

BUilding on what TMC said above...one thing my wife and I have done that has worked pretty well is to find postive ways to frame discussions about sensitive issues.

For example, we recently had a conversation in which we listed five things that we liked about the other person...and then two things that we wanted the other person to work on.

That really helped both of us: or love banks got filled up, and it was easier to keep an open mind about the less plesant part of the discussion.

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: AndrewA ]</small>

Thanks for the advice.

What precautions can I take to make sure that she will not regress if and when he calls? What can I do to help make her strong enough to just hang up just in case he does call? How do I know where I really stand with her? It’s hard to believe everything she said no matter how bad I want it to be true.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurt3:
What precautions can I take to make sure that she will not regress if and when he calls? What can I do to help make her strong enough to just hang up just in case he does call?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask her if she would agree with having you change her phone # to help her keep the NC in place.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do I know where I really stand with her?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By first creating an emotional environment where she would feel safe in being honest with you without the fear of getting punished or hurting you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It’s hard to believe everything she said no matter how bad I want it to be true. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And you shouldn't trust her until she proves that she is worthy of that trust by being totally open and honest with you.

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>