Without recapping my whole story (which is available on another thread), my W, which is now a WW, has had a huge change in her personality in recent years.

She is deeply in menopause, lots of trouble with night sweats, hot flashes, etc. I know from her last OB/GYN visit that her estrogen is extremely low, and her dr. recommended she go on HRT. However, she refuses HRT or any other drugs.

I saw a female C recently who seemed to think that much of WW's actions may be attributed to her menopause. I'm not so sure I want to put all the eggs in that basket, but is there anyone out there who has experienced bizarre behavior of their W's which were directly related a hormonal imbalance?

I found you over here, Georgia.

Go back to your PLAN A.

You know me. I've been through the big M. It is no excuse for your WW's behavior. Analyzing like this will not get you anywhere.If you find out it is due to the BIG M, then how that can that help you? The deal is that she is involved in an addictive A to cure her depression. Regardless of the cause of her depression, that's the problem.

Get on with your discussion with her and doing your PLAN A.

I can answer any question you have about the big M but that's not the direction where you need to place your energy.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm frustrated with you. I really feel for you and have "been there done that", trying to excuse it all, understand it all. It just gets us nowhere but back to the same point.

Remember to think of her like I do my teenage boys. I can be understanding of the reason why my son comes home at 3 AM but it's still not OK and he has to stop doing it. He gets us so caught up in trying to understand him that it gets off the bottom line of the need to follow the house rules.

Is she veering you off course, trying to get you to excuse her??? Yes, she probably does need to take the HRT but you can't make her. You are only able to work on yourself.

Maybe we have hit onto something we need to work into your PLAN. Your WW did mention the CONTROL issue. Focus on yourself and what you need to change in regards to your behavior!!!! Does she perceive you as trying to control her? HER BODY is her issue. How she treats you and what you are willing to tolerate is YOUR ISSUE.

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Alright, mimi....I get the drift.

Here's what I ask of you. It is by now readily apparent to both of us (I think) that my situation is one that is eerily identical to where you have been. In the few days we've been communicating, I've come to highly respect your "opinion" because it is VERY obvious that you understand not only the situation, but my W (and me) as well.

There are others here (MB) that are offering excellent advice, but you are offering more than advice, you are offering "insight".

What I want from you is to know that you won't disappear right in the middle of this. I don't want to sound overly dependent on you, but I want to know that you are there to help me pick up the pieces when something I do (based on your advice) doesn't yield the results I expect.

I know this may sound like a terrible burden, and I have nothing to offer you in return except for my gratitude. (Okay, maybe someday an Applebee's GC for you and H to enjoy).

Is that a deal?

It's a deal, Georgia.

I certainly see it as my way of giving back.

The folks on this forum stuck right with me during my trials. I literally would not have made it without them.

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Georgia Guy,
There was an article that I stumbled onto here on MB months ago about stages Mid Life Crisis that I printed out for future reference. As I understand it, and I probably understand less about women than anyone in the universe, MLC and menopause go hand in hand for women. The stages of MLC have pretty well fit with WxW's actions so far. I think there could be something to it. IMHO.
I can't remember where it was on here that I found it but if somebody could get you to it, its an interesting read.