I need advice. I divorced my husband 3 years ago this Jan. I was having an A and was totally infatuated w/OP. My exhusband and I are Christians but had not heard of MB. My husband begged me not to leave him. I tried to end the A many times but couldn't get through the w/drawel period and I wouldn't tell my Spouse who it was because I was afraid of what he'd do. If only I had told him, he would have kept the OM away from me . I married Om right after mt divorce was final. I had Om child last year. This is my dilemma, my Ex still loves me and wants me back. My current husband is 17 years older than me. Since I married him he has completey lost his sex drive and has found it hard to make a living. I know this sounds like just desserts to those of you who were betrayed.
My ex wants me to leave currect husband and come back to him. He says he will be O.K. raising my new son. My ex & I have 2 teenagers.
I have repented of my sinful A & divorce. I know God forgives me but I know my kids and EX pay for my sin everyday. I feel I have thrown my life away for a lie.
I only want to do what God would allow now. I do not want to do things my way any longer. My question is: am I bound by the marriage vows I made to Om or would God allow me to divorce him & go back to my Exhusband?

Since you have a very young child with your current husband, I suggest you use the MB concepts to make the very best marriage possible with this child's father.

You are a married woman. Honor your vows this time. You asked:

"Am I bound by the marriage vows I made to OM?" ---> He's not the Om any more... the man is your husband. YES, you are bound by your vows in my opinion.

Don't make the same mistake twice.

The sex drive stuff can be worked out.

Good luck.

Pep

****This is a SUPPORT site****

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Try calling Harley's radio show and asking him for his insight into this.

A friend of mine was a single Mom when she met a divorced Dad of one boy who was the same age (2) as her son. They got married and had two more children.

The father has now gone back to his first wife.

I think there is something to be said for staying with your original marriage partner -- or even returning even after having had a child by the second partner. A relationship that started as an affair can be shaky.

Cherished

Aaronic, have you read the concepts on the home page? I have read some of you other responses and you do not seem to understand the idea of respectful discussion. Your hateful comments will not help anyone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm agreeing with Pepperband here. If you didn't have a child with your current husband I may feel differently (as if maybe now the fog has lifted for you). But there is a child involved once again in your situation. I'd be working to save the marriage you currently have. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

I suggest you get the book 'Reconcilable Differences, Healing for Troubled Marriages', by Dr. Jim Talley. It is a fast read.

It is also available as an online book.

The author is a Christian. I think he makes a case for returning to your first marriage from a biblical as well as interesting point of view for you to consider.

You do have your 2 kids from your first marriage as well as your XH willing to raise your OC with you.

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

Hmmm,

This is a tough situation.

You realize of course..that the likelyhood of success for your present marriage is about 3%?
Not good odds. However, you have a child......meh.

Your former husband and you were married..at least nine years if you have teenagers..so the likelyhood of success probably is better with him.

Something has been overlooked though..and that is you. You were not happy in your marriage..and had an affair, then left..now you are unhappy in your present affair/marriage..and you are again looking for the magic bullet.

Leaving one man for another didn't fix things last time..do you think it will work if you try it again?

Why is leaving a marriage you are unhappy in contingent apon having someone waiting in the wings?

Either you and your spouse are willing to do the work of building a life together or you are not.

There is considerable risk and loss either way you choose.

I think better you do some work on TF before betting the ranch on either man. IC an option?

--Noodle

But the child is young enough-who would make a better father for the child. Think long and hard about this. The child should come first. Could your X accept this child? Would OM give the child up for adoption to you and X.

Wow-this is a tough one. I'd ask the Harley's. Wow-this is so painful for all involved. Just try and do what is best for the child-even if X has to raise it.

At some point many BHs realize that the worst punishment for a WW is to have a relationship in the open with the OM. I wonder if your husband did all he could to save you from OM.

However, as someone said---- the problem maybe within you and not these two men. Although I bet a case of Coca-Cola the original husband is a better guy and his equipment still works.

I have a dislike for OMs so my initial reaction was to advise you to go back to original husband, however as someone said--------- at this point you must do what is best for the child and not YOU.

tf,

As a layperson, my opinion is that having a child with OM makes the situation far more complicated. Divorcing OM, who is now actually your H, might just be adding yet another mistake.

A pastor might be able to answer your theological questions. IC (individual counseling) and MC (marriage counseling) could help you with practical problems.

God bless,

Rose

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

The advantage you have with your first H over your present one is: history.
But even if you decided to divorce your present H, I still would not advice you to remarry your first H right away. You made a mistake by immediately getting married after divorcing your first H and unless you address the issues [through counseling] that made you vulnerable to having an affair with the man who is your present H are resolved, you are bound to repeat them with your first H. Your case is very similar to the one Dr Harley speaks in his article titled What To Do When You (Or Your Spouse) Becomes Pregnant With A Lover's Child . I echo Cherishe's advice for you to seek counseling with Steve Harley or his sister Dr Jennifer Harley Chalmers from the Marriage Builders Counseling Service. or Penny R Tupy from Save Your Marriage Central . Don't delay because it is not only your life that is affected but your baby's as well.

God Bless.

total fool.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

You threw your previous marriage into the drink. You are married again, and things aren't so wonderful with the new relationship.

What would possess you to think that going back to previous husband is even a choice? You want to wreck another life so that you can get laid or feel better about your mistake?

I mean you no harm. I watched my mother go from man to man in search of 'the right one'. She did that (got married) 8 or nine times before giving up, finally dying alone at 67.

You need to figure out what makes you so unhappy with yourself that you have to involve other people in your misery - doing them harm in the process, and fix it. Until you identify what the problem is with you, then you will never find peace with anyone.

Don't cause further harm, leave your ex-husband alone and concentrate on your newborn, your marriage, and yourself. Do it because it is the right thing to do.

You can never fix what you have broken. There is forgiveness from God, but you can not take actions back. What has been done has been done. You simply must learn to face this fact head on, and go on with your life.

All the best,
Gimble