I thought that we had settled this with our discussion this past weekend. My wife is trying to pump me for information on how I found out about everything. I think she called the other guy and they have been talking about how I found out. I am afraid that this may give them a reason to keep contact and they may reconnect and meet again. When she asks me about what proof I have I just tell her that I know and we don’t really need to get into the how because that really does not matter. I am in a bind because I don’t want to tell her everything I know and how I know but at the same time I may be giving them a chance to reconnect. Just looking for some advice.

hurt:

Have you exposed the A 2 others? That would be the next step.

You certainly don't need 2 prove 2 your W that she's having an A - she KNOWS.

-ol' 2long

It is just a control thing. My H does the same thing. Did so just last night when I confronted him about contacting the OP again. Insisted that I tell him who told me, when I would not he said i was just pushing him away, and that I would never change.

The reason they want to know is so they know who to avoid in the future. If your wife wants to keep contact she will, no matter what she will find a reason or excuse. She needs to be more concerned about you and your M then how you found out. Fact remains she was BUSTED and she does not like it.

Stay strong,.

Here is Affair Exposure from WAT.

-rh-

Let her knwow that you WILL tell her how you found out about her affair but ONLY WHEN SHE DECIDES to end her affair, send the OM a NC letter, and willingly embrace the concept of mutual accountability by being an open book and letting you know her whereabouts, but until that happens, your sources will remain confidential.

<small>[ November 04, 2004, 09:35 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Hurt3,

Do you know if the OM is married? Girlfriend??

Best way to bust it up is the expose to the OM's better half.

k

hurt, you are under no obligation to give her your source of information. That will come when y'all are in RECOVERY, tell her. But until her affair is really ended and trust is restored, you have to take steps to protect yourself.

Don't even think about giving up your source, it will only impede your ability to help end the affair and protect yourself from her.

Hurt# wife -->wants your source

Noodle--> wants a pony

Life is just full of disappointment

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurt3:
<strong> I am in a bind because I don’t want to tell her everything I know and how I know but at the same time I may be giving them a chance to reconnect. Just looking for some advice. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, they are in a bind, not you. Telling her your source of information will not stop the communication, it will just enhance it. Only exposure and putting pressure on the affair will end the affair. [hopefully]

<small>[ November 04, 2004, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL @ NOODLE

I agree with everyone. Keep your source a secret, until the affair is proved to be over.

As MelodyLane wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Telling her your source of information will not stop the communication, it will just enhance it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If they know how you found out, they will change their tactics, and it will be harder to find out what is going on behind your back. Keeping your sources secret gives you an advantage. I hate to say it, but saving your marriage can be similar to war. I have people near where my WW lives, and my WW gets livid when I reveal I know things that she tries to keep secret. A couple of her relatives feed me some info as well. They almost stopped doing that, because my WW freaked out on them! So don't reveal your sources!

Dimmu

<small>[ November 04, 2004, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: Dimmu ]</small>

Just let her know that she already knows the source of information since she's in the affair and leave it at that.

Let her know that as long as you know she is still in the affair, you cannot trust her with that information.

Once you are certain she is no longer in the affair, you are willing to share what you know and how you learned that information.

But not until trust is earned.

TB

hurt3 - Others have already told you, but I will re-iterate.

Your WS wants to know how you find out becuase it will allow her to modify her / there behavior so you don't catch them again. My WS used to do the same thing. Any time I revealed how I found something out, you could gaurantee that she would never do it it that way again.

My advice is not to tell. At times the proof / verification is the only way you have to stop thinking you are imagining things. WS's tend to deny everything and can have you doubting yourself.

WS should be more interested in fixing M, but my own experience was that WS invested heaps of time and effort trying to deceive and continue the A. I found that she was accussing me of snooping and tried to make me feel guilty about it. When I pointed out that I was doing this because I was trying to save our M from being destroyed by her A so in that context was it wrong?

You do what you feel you need to do to stay sane and save your M.