I'm curious whether you told your friend to step off from your husband or not. You mentioned in another post that he wanted to knwo the source of the info you had on his continuing contact..and it sounds like you protected your firend as the source.

But..did you tell HER clearly to stop talking to him about personal things?

To be honest, I did end up telling my H where the information came from, as he made me feel so quilty and told me I would never change and that I was pushing him back into an A.

I talked with my friend and told her I was uncomfortable with the situation and did not want her talking with my H anymore. She was talking fast trying to justify everything to me, that it was all in fun or joking. She said she would never, yatta yatta. All the same things I heard from the person my H has already cheated with. I again asked her not to spend time with My H with out me and to please stop discussing matters of SF with him. She said she would call me later. And did not.

however I think I am ok with that matter.

Thanks for asking.

Browbeating
Lies
Dismissal

Are you having fun yet?

Which part of that are you OK with?

--Noodle

Hey girl, you knew I had to show up sometime today, didn't you????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he made me feel so quilty and told me I would never change and that I was pushing him back into an A. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First things first. He did not make you feel guilty. He tried to make you feel guilty. You accepted that guilt. Stop accepting the guilt. Stop taking responsibility for what he does. Every time you accept responsibility or guilt, he is going to give it to you. Why? Because it is a h*ll of a lot easier to blame someone else than to take that responsibility yourself.

Second, you cannot "push" him back into an A. He can choose to go back. But that is HIS CHOICE. So stop taking responsibility for that as well.

Taking responsibility for all those things enables you to continue to be a victim to him. He wrongs you, you are hurt, you get sympathy, feel better.....is that about right? The cycle doesn't end, KMEJ, unless you make it end.

Where's that plan we talked about? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have not gotten to the plan yet. Busy Busy day at work, and last night I had to get laundry done as H needs to pack to go hunting. However I have been thinking about it a lot.

Thanks for staying on me

Not sure which part of any I am really okay with. However I think I just want so badly to believe in the human race and my H and friend that I am over looking giant red flags...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> that I am over looking giant red flags... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sweetie - you know they are there....It's what you choose to do with them.....

There's a river in Egypt.....don't get caught in it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Interesting turn of events. I got home from work today and found my H mowing/raking the lawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> may not seem much to you, but is huge for me, he never rakes and rarely mows. I raked and baged 26 bags by myself when I was due to deliver the next week, so just imagine my surprise. Okay so I go out and help him, when we talk a little... to speed things up, I come in the house and find him reading the history on our computer, basically reading my entire instant message conversation with my friend. Where it tells how I am unhappy, lonely, do not like how he is treating me, ect. He read it, all 45 minute conversation of it. On there I even said how if things did not change and he deleated OP number I was gone. I was very nervous while he read that conversation. When done his first thing he said was that I needed to stop thinking about and mentioning OP's name. I said he needed to delete that. H again said he would not, I said why not he said why, yatta yatta, Number still in phone.

We then sat down and discussed the other things I had mentioned, he seem to be listening, and before he left for bowling he said goodbye and gave me a two armed hug. May not seem like much, but that is a lot coming from him.

I still plan to push the eraseing the phone number thing. I have told him it hurts me, he does not believe it. I have said it would make me happy, he still said no. I asked if he was not in contact with her why keep the number, he said why delete it. He is running me in circles. Any suggestions on this one?

It did feel good to tell him my concerns and feel that he was actually listening and not making fun of me. Maybe because I said them to someone else with out thinking he would see it, who knows. Or maybe because he is leaving for hunting and is just in a good mood...

to answer your other question ANdrew A- yes it was his idea, I have no idea why he password protected his list, or why we have not exchanged them when he asked for the list over a month ago. One never know what goes on in this guys head...

Why does he need her phone number if he isn't going to call her? How does he justify this?

Miker-
I wish he could justify it, then maybe, MAYBE I could understand. He does not even try. He just continues to insist that it does not hurt me any. He also says I need to stop thinking about her and talking about her or we will never move on. He said she was a stupid B*tch(or something similar to that, I am tired, details foggy). Never heard that from him before. However if that is how he sees her, then why keep the number?

Sorry I reread your post.

"Why delete it?"

Ohhhh this would make me so friggin mad! "I just told you why?" I really think this guy doesn't think you'll take the next step no matter what he does. He thinks he can get away with anything.

I agree with you. Why would he need to keep the number unless :

A. He's still phoning her
B. He plans on phoning her
C. He wants to keep her as a back-up plan in case things don't work out between you two.
D. He just being stubborn and doesn't want to concede anything

Which do you think is the case?

I am not sure which thread I wrote this in, but he went and read the history off our computer today, and read all my conversations between my friend and I. He got to read how hurt he is making me, how lonely I am, and how close I am to leaving. He gave me this really sad look and asked if that was really true, I said yes, we talked a little and then he left to go to bowling, however he said goodbye and gave me a hug (I asked for it, but he hugged me back with two arms) before he left. I am not sure if it was actually sinking in, or if he just felt bad. However I asked him to delete her # and he still says no. It is very dishearting. If he thinks I will never leave, he is wrong.

Miker-
He claims he is keeping it so that IF she calls him it will show up her name and he won't answer it.

I have a simple solution, him and I could switch phones, problem solved. She calls she gets me, I would LOVE that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Miker..I agree that those are the logical reasons..as for which it is..who cares? They are all unacceptable.

Accepting unacceptable behavior never got anyone something worth having.

Trying to climb inside his head is fruitless..the only mind you need to know..is yours.

So what does KMEJ think?

KMEJ,

It's a power thing.

Your H is a complete a$$....hope you don't mind me saying that. I feel comfortable saying that because my H acted that way at one point....I thought he was off his rocker and captaining the "Mothership". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

It seems really funny that your H can TELL YOU how you are feeling and actually expect you to believe it. He seems really comfortable in his "stomping" boots.

Please do not take offense.

no offense taken. I hate that he has the number. Everytime I see her name, hear her name or think of her my blood boils. Much less when I see it in his phone, it is like pouring salt on an open wound. OUCH

I am planning on telling him again tonight that he needs to delete this number.

He also says why should he delete hers when I have males in my phone. Co-workers, and I only use it when I need to get rid of a shift because he wants to work or a kiddo is sick.

Miss Priss..

LOL

I just deleted a post telling her that her H was renting property in slimey bastardville..and looking to become a citizen of that planet..but now that you've broken the seal... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thing is KMEJ..this is how people act DURING did you hear me say that word..DURING an affair.

I'd take a long hard look at where you think the relationship is at..vs what the evidence is screaming at you.

Recovery? Unlikely.

Truly..I think action is in order.

.02 Noodle

Miss P,

I howled when I read your "Captaining the mothership" bit.

Thanks for making my evening.... I'll have to use that one the next time I get the fog thrown at me! I love it!!!