It seems that everyone I read about seems to be so young, or has very young children. Is anyone dealing with H/W who is in a midlife crisis? I guess that is what my H is going through. I'm talking about 40-50ish. I was so looking forward to us having time together and now he has left for a 34-36yr old(I'm not sure about her age) She is separated, has three children between 10-16, but her husband has the children. She isn't smart (his words) and she really isn't. I've talked to her she came to my house to size me up while they were having the affair, before I knew. She isn't even good looking. The only thing I've gotten out of him is he likes the sex, he can't seem to explain any other reason why he wants to be with her. (She is very experienced). I don't wnat to spend this time alone I was really looking forward to this time with no children, when we could do what we want together!<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

My H's affair started just before his 49th birthday, so he is the right age for a midlife crisis, but we still have 4 kids at home and two in college; the youngest was only 2 when the affair began. Sometimes I feel that I got the worst of both worlds - midlife crisis and having him leave when the kids are young. I had been so looking forward to having them all out of diapers! Up until a few months ago, our youngest child had always been less than about 3 and a half - now that the kids are finally getting older, and I was looking forward to being able to go away together alone or even go to a restaurant without highchairs - now he gets to go away with the OW while her ex takes care of her kids, and I'll get to be a single parent of a teenager when I am 60.

We have two older children (18 & 13) and I think we may be "too" young for a "true" mid-life crisis, but it sure feels like we are in the midst of it, at least I think I am.....I have teenage children and aging and ill parents.......his dad passed away three years ago, and his mom is very "needy", based on where I am in my family life, I should be at mid life......And now my H has had an affair with a younger woman, it's all a little like a soap opera, when I sit and think about it!<BR>My fear is that I'll need to travel through mid life, now and when my biological clock say it's mid life!!!!<BR>I guess not having the young children in the middle of this imess is a good thing, but I'll tell you, I think if they were young enough to just pack up, I'd been out of here!<BR>So I guess the lord made sure I didn't discovery his alter ego until that option was no longer availble so easily for me. HE must want me to work at this.

I feel sure my husband is in the midst of mid-life crisis. He just turned 45. He has always had a "fear" of getting old. Likes the usual toys. Has been running and working out like a banshee. Very sensitive about "bald" jokes, etc. Like right before his birthday I said something about being 45 and he quickly corrected me and said "I'M 44!!!"<P>Also, we had just gone through some major life changing events -- death of best friend, death of father, building a house, loss of job, kids leaving the nest. Don't know if we'll ever get it back, but I can hope.

Guess I'm in the same boat. My H turned 48 in May and stated his affair with my"best friend" in middle of June.My problem is that she lives only 5 houses away from me and we get to see her come and go day and evening and my family knows where she is off to.My husband moves out in July and got his own apt,her H moved to his sister-no where else to go.My kids(18&20)are heartbroken.We cannot stand the thought of my ex-friend being with my husband.He cannot explain to me how this happened either-it just did.WE just had our 25th wedding anniv.in May and up to that point he tells me he loved me so much.Go figure!I am having a very hard time with this whole mess.I still love him!

Everything I have read says midlife can start at age 35. It is when ever one starts to feel like he/she hasn't accomplished things that they wanted to do when they were younger and now it seems it is too late or not enough time left to do the things they had always wanted to do. Sounds like that fits all of our Hs. Are any of you still seeing their H even if he has moved out? Mine left and I have seen or talked to him in a month. This isn't really my idea but his. It is almost like he is afraid to see or talk to any of us for fear he would come back. I had to leave town for my on santity. I resigned from my teaching job( I couldn't put my students through my emotional problems . I couldn't stay in my house, he had brought her there when I was out of town. He says they didn't in my bed but I threw it away anyway! I put everything except his clothes in storage, and moved in with my daughter. I do mail his mail to him but I never add anything to it. I keep thinking as soon as I finda place to live and a job, I might conact him. I just want him to come back. I hope reality sets in soon. I do still love a lot and I'm not sure Ill be able to handle losing him forever.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

hello sds, <BR>my h is in his 40's also but his affairs are now over. Sort of took a different turn than most on here...he is now finished with that chapter of his life. <BR>I am saying this in a friendly tone-why are you letting his problem destroy your everyday existence? I can certainly understand the devastation. I had a great deal of trouble working also-took many days off. I also had some issues about the house and his belongings. I mean no disrespect toward you at all, but do not let his problem run your life!! <BR>Is there something you can do to get the focus back to you and away from him? Regardless of what he does, you are a valuable person with such a gift for teaching! You cannot fix his problems-you can be there for him, support him if he wants it, love him if you CHOOSE to, and guid him, but you really cannot fix him. You can do something for yourself.<BR>(((hugs))) cl

Dear cl I understand what you are saying, actuall I think I had started to burn out in teaching. I had been talking to some of my teaching friends trying to decide what to do that would keep me in education but maybe out of the full time class roon when all of this happened. So I am hoping that I can use this as an opportunity to move ahead in my field. Problem now is I still don't know what I want to do or how to go ahead. I think once I get a job or my own house I will do better. It is stressful being at my daughter's. I do get to see my grandbabies but I am ready to get on with my life, just have problems do so ( Nothing really to do with him just reality in finding a job.) I had to take my retirement money to make ends meet but it is more then enough to help me get through till I do find a job. So next Saturday I am going on a shop til I drop for clothes for me. I haven't bought anything new in a long time, so I'm buying a whole new wardrobe!!! I'm getting my hair done and a makeup consultation, also. Also this week since I've got my money I am looking for a place to live. Thanks<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

Mid Life Crisis.... My H (42) had an affair with some Bimbo 14 yrs younger than me who couldn't hold a stick next to me. He cannot explain his actions or why it happened except that he was depressed and maybe was having a Midlife crisis. Wouldn't you think that when your spouse (best friend) is going thru something he/she would confide in you and ask for help. Well, he wishes more than anything that he did ask ME for help and not find comfort in talking to some low life Slut who knew he was married. She figured lets have fun. He had been Job transfered and we were apart for 8 month or so. What I don't understand is I was alone for the same time and I didn't screw up everything we worked for. His only explanation is Midlife crisis.<BR>I am so angry and hurt beyond belief.<BR>Anyway, his Midlife crisis is over and he loves me more than ever, will make everything<BR>right for the rest of our lives , is so very sorry for the pain this has caused us.<BR>The sad part for me is it will never be the same and life will not be the way it used to be for me.<BR>If I had known H would be having a Midlife crises I would have started him 10 yrs ago on mega mega doses of brainfood.<BR>thanks friends for letting me vent.

Maybe that's what's wrong with my H! Midlife crisis - he's 42. And believe me, I'm about fed up with having to deal with his on-going year long affair with Mia while I pretend to be okay with "us". I'm sick of it. I should be doing exactly what SDS is doing - taking care of MY NEEDS, MY WANTS, and tough sh** with what H wants. I WASN'T THE CHEATER HERE! I'm too much of a "tired lady" with all these emotions that are remaining unmet to care about him and what he wants. Let his precious Mia take care of him. I'm done. (yeah, right - do I sound convincing? - I wish it were that simple)

Dear Tired Lady, I know I wish it was that simple. My only hope in letting the OW take care of his needs is that I know she will fall on her [censored]. She can't even take care of herself. The only thing she can take care of is sex and doesn't that get old after awhile(Hope) <BR>Suzy Q, I know what you mean about talking to your best friend. He couldn't talk to me but he told her everything. I guess I didn't have enough sympathy for what he was going through as I was going through some of it my self, and right I didn't turn to another man. I tried to turn to him but got nothing. I thingk and hope that if you work on it things will get better. They may never be the same but maybe they could be better. I hope so. I only hope I get the chance to find out. Keep in touch.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

I've come to add a twist.<P>We are just reaching 30 and we have three kids, 6mos, 5yrs and 10. I feel that W is going through a mid-life crisis. She is completly rebeling. She has not spent a solid week in our house in the past three months. She has had a doctor give her bed rest and has taken off of work and has driven all over eastern US trying to escape(?) Her family is telling her she needs to calm down and be a mother to her children and she will not listen. I admit that this is my fault and I deserve whatever happens but how can you reason with a person after ripping their heart out? She wants to take the kids out of schoool and re-locate to SC for atleast 6mos to do what SHE wants to do. She knows I love her and that I'm sorry for my offenses (read profile) but she is just hurt too bad. Her doctors have diagnosed her as being severly depressed and have her on medication that she says makes her feel worse. I have done a complete 180 since discovery and want to put US back together again but she feels that my remarkable change in character has been at her expense and that another woman will enjoy the result of her emotional breakdown.<P>I know we're young, probably too young for mid life crisis, but the symptoms are the same. <P>------------------<BR>Oh just SHOOT me!<BR>

We had this topic once before. Mine is a perfect example of midlife crisis. Started his affair a month after turning 40. Oldest child had just graduated etc. <P>lost-one<BR>When we talked about this before it seemed that a lot of the women had a harder time turning 30. REALLY. I know I had a tough time approaching 30. I am 39 next month and feel younger than I did at 29. Way more freedom.<BR>Maybe there is something to women and the 30 year mark. <BR>

SDS,<BR> My believe my H's is a midlife crisis, he's 48 and his OW is 28, he shaved off his beard to look younger, tried to loose some weight ( but couldn't until he told me about the affair then it just fell off) he has alot of guilt to deal with. He didn't like his job and is now laid off. I don't know a whole lot about midlife crisis. Do they come out of it or just start living their life over and try to make it work out differently then the first time around?

hi sds, maybe it is good to take a break from teaching. Maybe you could get into cirriculum development or teacher training? Both can be rewarding and they sure need people that have experience in the classrooms. Might be fun?

LA46 I don't know what I have read about midlife crisis some come out of it some don't. Ihave been able to find a whole of information about outcome. I know about the weigh, my started to loose a lot of weight, in fact he lost so much he didn't look to good. He was walking alot, and keeping two women satisfied in bed. <BR>cl, I'm looking. I put in my application for a perfect job as a historical education specialist(I had all the qualification plus I'm a history major) but they hired someone else. Now I'm trying to find something else. But I'm surviving. And I cant' wait till saturday.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

SDS- My husband is definately in mid-life crisis. He turns 40 in a few months. There is a really good article on this web site friends-lovers.com go to the mid-life crisis section. My husband said and did almost everything that is mentioned in this article.<BR>We are now very close to reconciling. He plans to come home within the next few weeks. He says that he still feels restless and still doesn't feel himself but relizes that the OW wasn't what he needed and that he loves me and the kids and will just wait this out.<BR>So don't give up hope. This mid-life thing does end.

Crazy or what thanks for the encouragemnt that midlife crisis does end. It would be nice if it ended very soon! I tried the web site but for some reason but couldn't find it. Is it www.friends'lovers.com? that is what I tried. Help. Thanks. Lost one A suggestion but sometimes it take awhile to find the right medication maybe you could suggest that if she doesn't like the way this one feels that she should tell her doctors and they could try another, or maybe she has been on it lone enough to help just a thought.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR><p>[This message has been edited by SDS (edited September 20, 1999).]

SDS_ the web site is<P>friends-lovers.com

Crazy or What thanks I had tried to add extra letters to it. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR>