Uggh. I belive I posted about this before but I can't find the post now. Can't give too many details, but here's the basics:

The company I work for has been informed that a manager is having an affair with the secretary who works at one of the stores. The higher ups (who are friends of his) approached him to talk man-to-man. He told them it was all lies and they believed him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

"We have no proof," they said. (What did they expect, to catch the two of them naked in the middle of the street?)

The indications from before were pretty compelling. Now there have come more indications that, suprise, he was lying and there probably is an affair (and that not all of those people that work in that store are idle gossips who have nothing better to do that make up stories about the two of them).

I want to tip off this guy's wife SOOOO bad. I like him, I really do. I like his wife. I don't know the secretary but people say she is a kind soul. I sit here and hear all this crap and wonder why in the heck is nobody telling the wife? He's been a manager here a long time. Everyone knows his wife. They have friends that work in that location!

This is a hot potato. One employee was let go from that store and the word is that the employee called the manager on his "extracurricular" activities. That employee also did not get along with the secretary. Sigh.

The bosses have never talked to the secretary (manager convinced them she would be so embarrassed!!!!) so they haven't covered the company legally, I think. Just waiting for a big, fat lawsuit to pop up one day.

I feel so impotent in this position. If the doo doo hits the fan it will mean tremendous fallout for this company (lawsuit or not) and the three individuals and their families. OW is divorced, so no leverage there. I just want to grab the manager by the shoulders and shake him until his head falls off. I want him to turn around and see the damage he is causing.

My husband says to leave it to the bosses. They have the new information. Problem is nobody will talk to them now because last time they took a risk, gave them their evidence, it was dismissed just cuz the manager batted his big brown eyes and said, "guys, you know me... I would never cheat on my wife!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

How do I stay out of this without losing my lunch everytime I think about it? No, I can't contact his wife anonymously either cuz of reasons I can't go into it. It just isn't workable.

Help! I need ways to cope.

~ Snow

Snowbelle,

In my company affairs, especially when a management level employee is involved are dealt with severly and immediately because of just what you are going through.

It hurt morale, it causes resentment among the employees, it is a huge waste of energy that is better used for production, for all whom are effected.(affected?)

It may take a spokesperson to take it to human resources and make sure they are informed of the loss of morale and respect in the dept involved. Or you may suggest each person who is bothered by it to make their own separate call to human resources. Or letters to whomever is at the VERY top of the company.

Also wanted to add that if his job is at risk he may be more inclined to end the affair. Same for her.

Just look at what it is doing to you, on your weekend sitting here worrying about what damage is going to happen because of their affair. The man does not deserve to be in a position of authority in a company, he is causing way more harm than good, to all.

I'ld at the VERY least find a way to tip the wife of, even a letter not signed. Somewhat cowardly but at least she will have the truth and can begin to rebuild both her life and her marriage.

Weaver,

The company policy doesn't even touch on this subject.

The vice president of human resources and the company president are the ones who gave him a free ride the first time. It went as high as it could go.

The only one left who might have the courage and authority to jump in and pull that boy's ear would be the owner of the company, who is retired. Now that would be a sight to see!!! But even he won't do that if the president is telling him there is no "proof."

See why I'm so agitated?

~ Snow

<small>[ November 06, 2004, 02:52 PM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>

Oh I just re-read your post, and you cannot tip the wife off.

Well unfortunately you are damned it you do and damned if you don't.

Hope some others have some good ideas for you.

It's the old "mans club" type of company, heh.

Damn!

Our infidelity rule is not written into policy, but each and every person in management sure knows it exists.

You and every one else in your company who is dealing with this one guys affair is exactly the reason most (at least the large) companys no longer tolerate infidelity, especially at the management level.

Whether it's our place or not to tell someone their S is cheating on them...I can't help but sit here and ask myself, "would I want to be told?" YOUR DARN RIGHT I WOULD
I don't care if you were my friend or not. As long as you have proof and KNOW it's actually happening (not just spreading rumors) then I wouldn't want to sit along and be hurt. TELL ME

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Snowbelle:
<strong> The indications from before were pretty compelling. Now there have come more indications that, suprise, he was lying and there probably is an affair </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, indications are one thing. Proof is indeed quite a different thing altogether. I'm of the mindset that you should have proof before you accuse someone or inform his wife that he's having an affair.

On the other hand, she has every right to know of these 'indications' and the possibility that something is going on behind her back.

I'd go the anon letter route, being very careful with my wording.

And not because it's cowardly, but because, really, beyond your responsibility to a fellow human being to inform, this is really none of your (or your companies) business. So there's no reason for you (or the company) to get involved beyond making sure she has the information she needs so that she can get to the bottom of it and deal with the situation.

My two cents.

dewt

Thanks all for your replies. I am still stewing....

I understand the need to know on the part of the BS (I'm a BS myself!) and that is the hardest part for me. But as Dewt pointed out, it is hard to go to someone without solid proof and stick a skewer in their gut. THen again, I feel that if she knew the "indications" that it would then put the ball in her court to find the "proof," which, as any BS knows, might have been staring her in the face for months!

I don't agree that it isn't my company's business, however. He is a manager. If he is in an affair with an underling (his secretary) and he breaks it off, or she gets fired for any reason, it can come back to wipe out this company with a huge lawsuit. I think they need to protect the other 149 people who work here from one manager's bad decisions.

~ Snow

<small>[ November 07, 2004, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>

Yikes! I do not envy you your position here. I agree with the anonymous letter idea. Doing it openly could put your job in jeopardy but she does have a right to know.

More than that, you will wrestle with this inside yourself until she does know. For your own peace of mind, I would find a way to let her know what you can anonymously. You will know you did all you could while still protecting your job.

Good luck to you in whatever you do.