Ok this might not be for the emitional need section, but I really don't know where it belongs.
But all I know is that I need HELP

Ok here it goes, A couple of years ago, I created emiotonal infidelity and my wife and worked through it( or so I thought). I feel bad about it everyday. We have been together for 8 years almost 9 and I love her to death. the problem is that have had bad bouts of depression andinsecurity. It has taken its toll on the marriage, right now I'm getting therapy and she is too. The problem is is that there is another guy in picture , he is some guy see met on the internet and they have been talking for about 3 months and he is supposed to be here sometime this month. She says she has feeling for him and doesn't know whether she wants to be married to me or not. She says that she has been unhappy for a while and even though we are trying to work things out she still wants to meet this guy. I thought things were going great , I mean we still have things to work out and I thought we we work on ourselves and then work on marriage . Right now I don't see any hope for my marriage, I lovve more then life itself and want to build a life with her, we two wondefful children and even though things are rough in house we always pull throuhg and it seems like I was just blinded sided by this. I thought she was talking to him anymore. What do I do. Do I give up on the marriage and let her go her way, everytime I bring up divorce she gets angry at me and saying I'm giving up. I feel like giving up ..it seems not matter what I do I can't win and wants what's best for her. Please help

robp, OK if you've been down this road once before you understand you cannot let her meet this OM. Now you have to figure out a way to convince her of that without being controlling. One of the ways to do that maybe to remind your W of the pain you inflicted on her. At that moment in time she could not have imagined inflicting that type of pain on another human being but now she can. What has changed? She is headed into the fog and is able to now rationalize inflicting such pain and minimizing the pain etc.

If you hold the gun to her head and insist she not meet him you are going to be labeled controlling and whatever else she can think of to get you to asceed to her wishes. One thing I would suggest is that you try to bring her here and view some posts so she completely understands what she is headed for. The guilt,remorse and all the pain that follows A's. But you cannot stand idle while she arranges such a meeting. Don't quit on this, your M may depend on how you avert this disaster in the making.

WOE

Hi, RobP. Welcome. I am a new member, too. A couple of questions. HAve you read Plan A and PlanB? THere is loads of information on this site.
If your wife has told you about the OP on the internet, has she also shown you the posts between the both of them?

Some of the things that she said are conflicting aren't they? "She says she has feelings for him"
But, then you say " everytime I bring up divorce she gets angry at me and saying I'm giving up."

So what is she REALLY saying?

Can you get access to his email id? Can you email him yourself? Does he know she is married? Sounds like she is in fantasy land but still trying to stay married to you. Does she even know what this guy looks like. Is HE married? Is he a perv? How can she know? That whole internet thing is scary. From a personal safety kind of place. I would be very worried about that alone. Perahps you could bring up those concerns in a loving way with no LBs? If she still insists that she wants to meet him, there is no way that you could stop her. But, perhaps you could insist that she meet in a restaurant? Invite yourself along. No nasty stuff. But just to show your face?

Hey, only you know the details. But, there still sounds like there is hope. IMO