</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cherished:
What struck me as most truthful was that the only thing DT3Bs and OW know about each other is that they are untrustworthy. MT3B, you don't look like a doormat. You look like a woman who is turning over over stone to try to make her relationship with Dad work, and he is not sure she's worth his effort.

Cherished </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">((( Cherished )))

Your ability to SEE things with clarity has grown exponentially.

YOU are healing!!!!

Pep
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi sweetie....just watched the show....you looked very pretty...kind of subdued, spent. Yes, you weren't the spitfire I've come to know and love on MB....but hey...YOU WERE ON TV!! knowing that millions would be watching...I'm sure I would have been like a deer caught in the headlights! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I think if I had heard Ed utter the word "torn" one more time, I might have torn his head off!

I think Dr.Phil had some important messages though. Among the many, I'd like to repeat these:

*Why give away your power? You have every right to take control of your own choices and decide what you will tolerate, but remember, what you tolerate will not change. Letting Ed choose you is not nearly as important at this point as you choosing to take control of your life instead of waiting for the next waffle.

*Ed will eventually end up just as "bored" with this OW as he has been with you. Pretty soon, there won't be sexy meetings...it'll be diapers and child rearing and all the same stuff he's running from now and he'll be just as bored and just as restless because he'll still have to live with his boring, selfish self....and she may not look nearly as good as you do after delivery. He might not understand the truth until then...but by then, he may have done so much damage to his life, and the lives around him...happiness will elude him. Until he lives authentically...and is willing to end and begin relationships honorably...he will continue to be torn up inside.

*Keep the kids out of this mess....the stuff they know is far beyond what they can handle. My heart breaks for them.

*This pregnancy was a planned accident. A doctor, a nurse...you do the math. You had one major thing this OW couldn't compete with...his children...she fixed that. He helped her.

*He wants to be undeserving of you...because it gets him off the hook. He pushes you because you're stronger than he is. If he acts badly enough, perhaps he can make you end the marriage and he doesn't have to.

The question is....what do you do now? Well, realistically, until the addiction wears off...there isn't much you CAN do....although I honestly believe your marriage is not over. The question is...do you want to live with him while that happens and he does the flipper routine? Or would you be better off in Plan B? I personally would like to see you more protected...as well as your children. Right now, as he said...he leads a double life...but you can choose whether you're willing to do the same. I hope you don't. I hope that you're able to keep the door to your marriage open, while not allowing him to continue to disrespect you by going to her, then waltzing home everytime it's convenient for him.

I would have gone seriously medieval on him a long time ago....I'd be in a Plan B so dark the sun would stop shining. But hey...that's just me.

hugs mom....and oh YEAH...that whole "intelectually incompatible" garbage....you aren't the one who looks intellectually challenged!!

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:
*This pregnancy was a planned accident. A doctor, a nurse...you do the math. You had one major thing this OW couldn't compete with...his children...she fixed that. He helped her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Super-dooper insight!!!

Etch this comment in STONE!!!!

Pep

I put this in another thread about this situation . . . I am reposting it here so that mt3b has a better chance of seeing it.

Hi all,

I didn't catch the show, but have been following Mom's posts for a long time.

There is still something I don't get. Maybe I never will. Even if there is a new child on the way with the mistress . . . how could one even consider leaving the home of the three kids one already has? I just don't get it. I am a child of divorce . . . and really it just sucked.

Sometimes marriage is hard . . . sometimes it plain old sucks . . . but in the end . . . what really matters more than having someone that wants to spend their life with you? Especially someone that knows what a jerk you can be, but still wants to be with you? What could be better than being there to watch you kids grow?

Someone should tell dt3b that happieness is a fleeting emotion. It comes and goes. Sometimes real-life does get in the way of having a fantastic, wonerful sexlife . . . Sometimes I think that dt3b is still trying to lead the life of a frat boy.

The only bumper sticker I've ever owned really sums up this situation . . . "Mean People Suck."

I guess you could chage "mean" to self-centered, egotistical, spoiled ********. . . but the print wouldn't fit on the average bumper.

I'm real sorry Mom . . .

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Wait Dad - you think it's bad now? You think it's harsh and you're indecisive and yadayadayada.......IT GETS WORSE. YOU HAVE AN OW JUST LIKE OURS. JUST AS MANUPLATIVE, JUST AS HARSH, JUST AS LOW CLASS.

You will see one way or another. You think it's messy now.....you've no idea. And the longer you squat on that fence (btw: I think I saw in one of the pics on the Dr. Phil web site that the fencepost is beginning to come out of your mouth), the messier and uglier it's gonna get.

Mom - My dearling, YOU KNOW I'VE BTDT. You know what YOU can tolerate....but the longer Dad sits there....OY! You need me - I'm there in a heartbeat - In a milisecond....I didn't want dad to not like us being friends because - you know - we're in similar sitches....but I could give a rat's hiney less if he doesn't like me right now.

Dad - I'm fed-exing a crowbar, between that and lemonman's skill as a surgeon, maybe we can have your head removed from you know where.

I am NOT going to apologize for any DJs here. Dad, you done pissed me the heck off.

You cannot tell me, "There but for the Grace of God...." b/c I've got an inside scoop that NONE of the posters here have - OC - and I HAVE GONE THERE.....you DON'T WANT TO SEE HOW BAD IT'LL GET the longer you keep waffling. Cause it gets worse than your worst nightmare.

You are NOT doing the right thing squatting there.

Oh, and a DJ, but your posts are not NEARLY as well thought out, concise and grammatically correct as Mom's so PL-UH-ESE don't ever utter the words:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "intelectually incompatible" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">again. YOU aren't worthy. You may be a Dr....but it didn't make you anything but book smart.

- Kimmy

PS - Mom, I love you SO much...I'm sorry to YOU to be so mad at your dwh....but please understand that I want so badly (almost as badly as you do) for you all to have your "happily ever after...." That's only going to happen when Ed QUITS THINKING OF ED ALL THE EFFING TIME.

ah come on Kimmy! What do you REALLY think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

dadof3boys:

Just how freaking old are you?????

Because with all your "me, me, me", you are hitting around 6 years old. Pathetic.

Your wife's father is dying, you're having an A and your OW is pg with your kid (or so she says). AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY TO YOUR WIFE, "I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING RACING" WHEN SHE IS BASICALLY PLEADING FOR SOME HELP??????

Holy *hit! You are one self centred SOB, aren't you???

My kids have more empathy than you do, and they are younger than 6.

My advice: realize that you are an ADULT, buck the *uck up and take some responsibility for your actions and your family.

You're pathetic.

p.s: momof3boys- forgive me, but your H just brings out the worst in me. I do not mean to hurt you with my post.

Mom,You looked great on the show. Your beautiful eyes said it all. You are in pain, but you are a a classy, amazing woman! I thought you seemed strong--you want your marriage to work.

Remember the MB stuff--your H isn't even in withdrawal right now b/c of the continuing contact. I honestly don't think he will EVER come out of his self centered FOG (racing? Give me a darn break!) to try and meet your needs until the NC is established for a while and he really goes through withdrawal. This was true for my H after numerous relapses of contact.

I am sorry about your dad. Please take care of yourself and him now. I think you need to tell dad, not ASK--to get himself and the boys in the car and come and get you. If he doesn't do it, get someone else to take the boys out to you and stay with them. I am SURE you can find someone who loves you and whom you trust to help you.

I actually think you need to do Plan B again except for the Dr. Phil show. Let him LIVE the consequences of his actions for long enough that it sinks in. No more back and forth. Until he comes back with a commitment to the M and a PLAN, no contact with you. But for now, take care of yourself and your dad in this difficult time.

posted this elsewhere- figured it was better here

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wow M&D-
tough yet good show. Dad you were honest but looked a little annoyed and maybe mocking the situation. However it could be how uncomfortable you were in that situation. It is very hard to go on National TV and talk about things that personal, that close to the heart. I think you all did a very good job.

DT3B- time to get off the fence- too many lives you are ruining all for someone who does not respect marriage or family. If it did work out, how long do you think she could be faithful. What kind of morals are you or the OW going to be capable of showing your kids?

Also why in blue blazes would you have unprotected sex with another women <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> YOu are a doctor for petes sake- do you want AIDS? You have no clue where she has been, and bet you never had her tested before you went dancing in the rain with out a jacket. pregnancy with someone other then your wife while married was not a smart decision. If you wanted out then you should have gotten out, now a innocent child is being brought into this situation, Not fair to your wife, not fair to your boys and not fair to this child.

This OW is a lowlife piece of work. Willing to sleep unprotected with a married man, then having the gall to say she did it because YOU were unhappy in the marriage? Yeah like she was helping the situation. Some friend she was. A real friend would help you with you wife, not pull you away. Best of luck to you, you are on a hard road with tough decisions to make. Just make sure you can LIVE with yourself in the decision you make. Make sure you can look your children in the eyes and be able to say you tried your best. That their mother was not enough. Trust me my mother had an affair, my brother sister and I have NEVER gotten over it completely. IT is now 18 years later. I am now 26, and still struggle with it everyday. I just hope you know the life sentence of mistrust you are giving your children. All for a moraless woman who let herself get pregnant by a married man.

Hang in there. Sorry this has to be so hard.

YOu both looked great too, good job coordinateing (yeah sad I noticed- but hey I am female).

SOM
I think you mis-read my post. My objections were the excuses that he's a doctor and can't face death so that gave him a "by" in helping Mom2 during her ordeal. There is no excuse and Mom2's posts since then have cemented my feelings on the subject. Her Dad is dying and he wants to go racing! It's not because he's a doctor and can't face death, it's because he's a selfish monster that if his sentences can't being with "I" they end with "me."

What struck me on the show was Dad2 making the comment that he and Mom2 weren't on the same page intellectually. I think he was right on. Mom2 has to have an IQ that's significantly higher than Dad2's. They aren't on the same page! Sheesh!

Just finished the show ! I can't say that I was really shocked by anything on there. After reading this board for a while NOTHING SHOCKS ME ANYMORE. Mom, I don't think you came off as a doormat. You acted like all MB zealot BS act. Your intentions were clear that you would take your husband back and accept his OC as long as there was NC. Nothing new about this and in MB terms, this was not doormat behavior. This is all in the name of saving your marriage and that is what counts right?

I feel so incredibly sorry for your beautiful children. SO young and having to deal with a father WHO HAS LEFT THEM 4 TIMES. I can't imagine the egg shells and shattered psyche that they live with now. They are living EVERY waking moment thinking : "Is DAD gonna be home when I get home from school?" So young and having to ask about an STD?????? JFC !!!! I hope that you save your marrigae and win your husbands love and committment back. Your children are paying a heavy heavy price for your "saving your marriage".

I think there will be far reaching consequences for this show today. The wrold is cruel (don't you know that already <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> )and I know how people are and I hope and pray that your children and you do not face scorn and "back turning" from the public. I would hate for your kids to be told by their friends mother that they can't play with them. Yes, I know that you center your entire life around the MB philosphy but UNFORTUNATELY for you and DAD, the world as a whole does NOT. You can't live in a MB vaccuum.

As for DAD, I will give him credit for being deathly honest. Many men would have said the "politically correct" thing to save face on TV and he did not. He came off pretty bad, but he was honest. You gotta give him credit. My sneaking suspicion is that Dad would almost be "upset" if this OC is not his. I may be wrong about that, but he gives off this impression to me. Anyways, this is my .02. I give you kudos for going to this length to save your marriage. DAd2b must be some fabulous man and father for you to put your children, family, and self through all of this. Chin up and good luck in saving your marriage and winning your husbands love and committment back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
My sneaking suspicion is that Dad would almost be "upset" if this OC is not his. I may be wrong about that, but he gives off this impression to me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had the same suspicion! Weird.

Pep

Ditto

Noodle

Yep...."planned accident"

can you plan an accident? I think not...

You ain't seen nothin yet, wait till next week. The hate mail will turn to death threats. M23 had told me she was not planning on coming back until her dad passes. I had planned on maybe going racing this weekend to get away for a day. So I agreed not to and she posts it anyway. I skimmed the hate mail I earned every bit of it. Here is the hardest part for you and the rest to swallow jph....my 3 kids love me, my wife still loves me. We are still a family. That show taped 3 days into my recovery over a month ago. OK am I selfish, cruel, immature, self absorbed? Sure.
A monster? at times yes. It's addiction and the answer is strict NC. I have saved many peoples butts in the ER and caught many a rare disease to make a positive difference in many peoples lives. I have been practicing 13 years with zero law suits. So fire away I can't be all bad.

Hi dad,

I gotta give you credit for posting and going on Dr. Phil. Your wife DOES love you. Your boys DO love you. The question is...do you love THEM? Enough to fight for them? Enough to end contact?

I have never believed that either your marriage or you are beyond redemption...but it was truly painful watch your uncertainty. How are you feeling now?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dadto3boys:
I can't be all bad.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not saying "all bad" .... saying NO "accident"

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dadto3boys:
<strong> You ain't seen nothin yet, wait till next week. The hate mail will turn to death threats. M23 had told me she was not planning on coming back until her dad passes. I had planned on maybe going racing this weekend to get away for a day. So I agreed not to and she posts it anyway. I skimmed the hate mail I earned every bit of it. Here is the hardest part for you and the rest to swallow jph....my 3 kids love me, my wife still loves me. We are still a family. That show taped 3 days into my recovery over a month ago. OK am I selfish, cruel, immature, self absorbed? Sure.
A monster? at times yes. It's addiction and the answer is strict NC. I have saved many peoples butts in the ER and caught many a rare disease to make a positive difference in many peoples lives. I have been practicing 13 years with zero law suits. So fire away I can't be all bad. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dad23b:

LOL, you are a family doc right????? Zero lawsuits in 13 years, BFD buddy.

I think you are right, your wife and kids do love you and you have them back AGAIN. I don't think any one here is questioning that. As far as I am concerned you have been able to do what ever the hell you wanted to do with zero consequences. You are pretty cocky and I would be to if I were you. You got to ***** a young nurse, leave your kids and forget about being a dad and yet you still have your doting wife and kids with no consequences YET !. I honestly think you could keep doing as you are doing and would still get away with it. That is your wifes choice, she values your marriage and the kids having a dad above anything else, LUCKY FOR YOU I GUESS. YOu have 9 lives buddy, I must say that.

Good luck with your life and medical practice. You are the first person that I would be thinking about when I need a primary care consult. I am sure that many other docs in your area are thinking the same. Your business should start booming soon.

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 09:41 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by lemonman:
My sneaking suspicion is that Dad would almost be "upset" if this OC is not his. I may be wrong about that, but he gives off this impression to me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yea that came across pretty strong IMO.

But not all that unusual.
If the child was NOT his.....then that means that He was being cheated on at the same time by his wonderful OW.

"You mean she might have been lying to YOU Dad 2 3??"

Oh No, not you! (**GASP**) Imagine that!

WS's NEVER seem to like it when it happens to them.
(I sure know my W didn't when she finally found out).
Kind of a Bizarre dynamic if you ask me.