My Squid says " I've always been a flirt, theres no harm in it and I can't change me ". However OM told his GF ( who told me) that her flirting got way out of hand and it gave him 'permission' to press home their relationship for sex. And I know shes a flirt.

Is flirting ever OK with folks other than your spouse or BF if not married ?

Hi BP,

Your question reminds me of a song from "our" era...

Woman, Woman (Gary Puckett & the Union Gap)

Woman, oh woman
Have you got cheating on your mind, on your mind
Somthing's wrong between us
That your laughter cannot hide
And you're afraid to let your eyes meet mine
And lately when I love you, I know you're not satisfied
Woman, oh woman
Have you got cheating on your mind, on your mind?

I've seen the way men look at you
When they think I don't see
and it hurts to have them think that you're that kind
But it's knowing that you're looking back
That's really killing me
Woman, oh woman
Have you got cheating on your mind, on your mind?

A woman wears a certain look
When she is on the move
And a man can always tell what's on her mind
I hate to have to say it
But that looks all over you
Woman, oh woman
Have you got cheating on your mind?
Oh woman, oh woman
Have you got cheating on your mind?

Rough weekend, rough week, rough month, rough year so far...taking one day at a time!

It won't let me vote..but here's my vote anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

NO it is never ok to flirt outside of your M

YES it is ok to flirt outside of your DATE.

Either there is a vow and committment or there is not. In the absence of such I see no harm in keeping your options open.

Noodle

No,I don't agree that it's OK to flirt while married OR with a date.It's disrespectful and shows a lack of taste.

If you are spending time with someone whom you would hope to have/build a caring,loving and/or meaningful relationship with,why would you be making googly eyes,laughing and smiling with some other man or woman,in front of your spouse,date or SO unless you just didn't care if their feelings were hurt? Let's not get into why it's just as bad behind their backs too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My WH has been a flirt for as long as I have known him(20 years) and he never saw any harm either.Meanwhile,we are getting a divorce and for those 14-20 years,he gave many women the wrong impression(I could see it on their faces).Flirting IS harmful if you are involved with someone IMO.If you are single(and the other person is too) then it can be fun.

JMVHO.

O

innocent flirting, noting wrong with that,
Come on people we are married we are not dead.
As long as your morals keep you in check, a little innocent flirting is ok, as long as it stays as that and NOTHING more.

This is a tough question. I am accused of being a flirt a lot and IN ALL HONESTy it is just my personality. I don't even know that I am even doing it. So maybe I have to check this more carefully. I think "real" intentional flirting would be wrong, just for the record.

LEt me clarify. I flirt by instint, that is how I have a converstion. I do not intentionally set out to flirt with anyone other then my H. I just come across that way. I am an outgoing individual who enjoys talking with others. I flirt with both males and females, it is not intentional, that is just what I have been told. My H has never had a problem with it, because I always flirt with him way more and I go home with/to him every night.

Bit of clarification..

I reject completely the idea that all dates are potential future spouses.

Sometimes a date is a fun time spent with someone and nothing more.

Just because I am spending time with one person..does not bar me from spending time with another person..even on the same day.

As long as the person you are dating is aware of your position..with no deceitfullness..I see nothing wrong with refusing exclusivity.

On the contrary I think people rush into exclusive..overly intense relationships and then have regrets and backpeddle. That's where people get really hurt...defrauded.

People fail all to often to distinguish between marriage and dating..going steady is all of the losses of being married without the benefits. Pffft. Not for me.

My committments are formal and lasting..until you have a committment from me..you have nothing but the pleasure of my company. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It's all about boundaries..clearly drawn boundaries.

I agree with OG though..making eyes at one person while you are supposed to be paying attention to someone else..someone who has specifically asked to spend time with you..is rude. Not cheating by any means..but rude. I wouldn't want to spend any MORE time with someone who wasn't interested in me anyway.

Noodle

let me clarify, the only flirting I do is with my words, when they know it is all in fun!

Please define flirting?

I often tease people to cheer them up, make them laugh, give them attention if they are quiet and shy.

You can be friendly and tease people in a joking way without being sexual.

We all know the difference between the person who teases to make someone else feel good, and the person who flirts because they must be the center of attention and always be attractive to someone else.

So I can't vote, until I get a better explaination of what you view as flirting.

OK...granted my wife is young (22) and a college student so in that college immature crowd all of the time. Most of her friendly and joking teasing kind of flirting does have something sexual in it. That's what really bothers me!

Guys call her "sexy". Like "hey sexy". and "babe". And she'll joke about all the "hot guys around her". And they'll joke about how horny she is and stuff. That's is going too far with flirting in my book. My wife disagrees. She says their just joking and that it is harmless.

Flirting to me is the flexing of our 'fancying' muscles - that instinct that allows us to weigh up if someone is sexy and who finds us sexy.

Flattery, innuendo, eyelash fluttering etc etc.
Laughing, conversation isn't flirting unless you intend it so. IMO of course

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Laughing, conversation isn't flirting unless you intend it so. IMO of course

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good. Cause I'm the QUEEN of Innuendo....and Enchiladas...in that order...like ya'll didn't know THAT!!!!!!!

Batting my eyelashes at everyone....because I'm an equal opportunity bat - er....just ask Jelly.

Ok gotcha.

It is about intent, and disrespect. The disrespect to your marriage, your partner and the partner and marriage of whom you are flirting with, if one exists.

My answer is no, no, no it is not okay. In the same way opposite sex friendships are not okay except between single people.

Oh that's right, it is an anonomous vote. Will vote then.

NG, you can bat, bat, bat at me to your little hearts content, and it won't get you anywhere! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Well it might get you a secret family recipe for salsa or something, but THAT's it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well it might get you a secret family recipe for salsa or something, but THAT's it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry Charley, already make kick [censored] salsa....do need a recipe for Grape Jelly. Tried to make some last night....was totally winging it. It came out more of a jam....think I'll spread it between layers of a cake.......

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Licks for Weaver cause I love her more than I love my luggage!

I can honestly say when woman flirt with me it makes me uncomfortable. When my W flirts with men I take it as an insult. Guess you know how I voted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> innocent flirting, noting wrong with that,
Come on people we are married we are not dead.
As long as your morals keep you in check, a little innocent flirting is ok, as long as it stays as that and NOTHING more. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmmm…it’s a thinking pattern like the one above that got me into trouble in the first place… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> While I was friends with OM, I thought there was nothing wrong with some ‘innocent flirting’ with him no and then. I thought to myself: “I have my morals in check and I know I will do nothing more than just flirting so there’s nothing wrong with that and I have nothing to worry about”. Well, how much damage and pain this thinking pattern caused me…I was SO wrong! Although things never went further physically than just subtle joking and flirting on e-mail, this flirting contributed hugely to my attraction and emotional attachment to OM… I’ve learned innocent joking with people of the opposite sex can cause them to became sexually attracted to one another even if they have NO wrong intentions at all... Subtle flirting and joking can cause people to start liking each other and can give off certain vibes for the other person to pick up on, no matter how ‘innocent’ the flirting or joking may appear... In my situation, the computer screen made me feel ‘safe’ to react on OM’s flirting since there was not direct contact with him in person (where I could see him or hear his voice). So, I have also learned that flirting and joking on e-mail and through Internet can just be as damaging and dangerous as flirting in person. I however agree it’s okay for 2 single people to flirt. If you date someone casually, then it’s okay to flirt, but not in front of your date. If you’re in a serious relationship with someone or going steady…then flirting is NOT okay.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 01:58 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Squid has always flirted, particularly when shes ahd a drink but since she turned forty she flirts with almost ANY MAN. She's had a real mid life crisis and needs constant affirmation of her attractiveness I think.

I was pretty cr@p at that just before the A <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Because she withdrew all affection I played it cool waiting for her to 'blink first'. Well, she sure blinked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

When you look up flirt in the dictionary....it yields this:

flirt(v) playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest

flirt(n) a seductive woman who uses her sex appeal to exploit men

There are plenty of ways to be naturally feminine, fun, charming etc. WITHOUT using sexual energy or communicating "approachability" or "availability".

Flirting expels sexual energy...at it's mildest, it's a tease, at it's boldest...it's an invitation.

For married women, it's always dangerous game because even if it means nothing, it communicates the desire to be noticed in a way that shows vulnerability/insecurity and need....it's a "crack" in a door that should be closed.

BOB- I think most women flirt to some degree. Flirting is part of being a woman. It comes natural to flirt, but some women take it too far.
But flirting, per se, its a very natural thing.
Some men, take flirting as an "invitation". So, you have to know when to turn off your flirting mode! Because it can get you into deep trouble.


MYRTA