Well I just lost all hope. My husband told me tonight that he does not want to be married anymore. That he is sorry but you does not like being married. I told him I did not want a divorce. He just says sorry but I do. Said I am making marriage seem like a cage or something you are forced to stay in even if your not happy.

I told him I don't think you should be forced to stay but marriage should be something you both try to make better. Also we have 2 kids and one due in three weeks. I think when you have kids you should try everything possible to make it work. He feels he has tried even though nobody can see it. He said I am in denial. That he does not love me and wants out.

What can I do? I can't change his mind. I just end up breaking down and crying. I am almost ready for plan B. But I guess I am scared of losing him forever. I love him so much. He admits that his feelings changed when he started feeling things for the OW. He has been having a EA with her almost our entire marriage. He said that just proves that what he felt for me wasn't really love.

He has been rude, uncaring and hateful towards me the last week. The OW lives 10 hours away and he does not see her often. But they do talk everynight 2-4 hours. He saw her last weekend and now he is more determined to divorce me. He currently lives with his sister since the beginning of Oct. He left saying he wanted to go clear his head, work on writing his book and also his commute wouldn't be that bad. But I knew he left to pursue the affair even more.

I have no hope left. Maybe I should just throw in the towel even though my heart is breaking into a million pieces right now. I don't want to be single, raising my kids by myself, starting over again. I love him. But I guess I am holding on to someone that doesn't want me anymore. He told me to wakeup and see what's infront of my face. Also told me I should be happy for him that he found someone that makes him happy.

Do WS like this ever wakeup and change their minds?? He is so deep in the fog I don't think anything will bring him out of it.

Welcome to marriagebuilders, and the pregnant betrayed wives club.

The place to start is in Plan A. If this continues more than several months, then it is time for Plan B.

Your husband sounds very typical for a WS.

Is the OW married? If so you need to let her husband know what is going on.

No she is a single college student. I usually post under a different name but my husband has been reading my posts.. So I had to create a new name.

Oh, gotcha.

Just so sad tonight. I can't believe how mean he has been. His voice you can hear almost hate in it. I asked him what I have done all these years other than love him to make him want to do all these things. He says nothing.

Hugs. I'm sorry things are so bad for you right now. No words of advice, just know we are out here thinking of you.

Dont despair...the is blue light at the end of the tunnel for you. You have kids and OW does not.

Plan A means staying calm, no more crying and asking WS to come home. Let him go if that is really what he wants to do. Be strong and control your emotions. Dont let the pain you are feeling control your actions.

I have witness in here...a lot of WS come home.

The only sacrifice you must make now is your pain in having to share WS with OW. This is very painful but if you control WH then you will not win. Stay calm. If you go berserk or have that crazy feelings...go find a friend...and vent at her. Take care of yourself.

Thank you Kloe.

Zizzy,
Thanks for your advice. That is my plan right now. I am letting him alone. As much as I want to call him and hear his voice or ask him to please give us a chance. I won't. He hurt me so much with his words and right now the way it's going talking to him just makes things worse. Because he is not going to say anything that I want to hear right now.

Yes the thing that hurts the most is sharing him emotionally with another woman. I would love to know how she can just help ruin a family without guilt. He talked to her about 4 hours last night. I guess I need to stop looking at his cell minutes that just makes me even more sad. But pretending it's not happening isn't going to make things all better either.

Dreamings,
Your situation is dear to my heart, as it is very similar to mine. Although the OW in my case is 10 years older then my H, is going through a divorce and has 3 kids of her own. My husband has made it clear that he wants a divorce as well. He looks angry, speaks out of anger...it is horrible. I wish I had the answer, or good advice...the only thing I can say is show him that your strong. I know *I* don't FEEL so strong..but I have to do my best.
Blessings,
Danielle

I am sad but I have to be strong. I just don't know how to do that yet. Because the pain is so deep right now.

Consider getting the on-line book, Stop Your Divorce! How to stop your divorce or lover's rejection...even if you're the onlt one who wants to stop it - by Homer McDonald.

Also, get Divorce Remedy by Michele Weirner Davis (Spelling?).

Keeping you in my prayers.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: Loy ]</small>

I am truly sorry for your situation. I,too, have been going through something similar with my H (like many of us on MB, I suppose <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ).

My H has been mean to me in the past, and instead of feeling like being "in a cage," my H would say that he felt like he was "in prison."

How long and how well have you done plan A? It might be time to do plan B, but it's really important to do a good plan A first.

Also, apart from reading the books from Dr. Harley, I would highly recommend "Love Must be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson, if you haven't read it already. It is the book that pushed me into plan B (after having done a good plan A). Dobson talks specifically about that "cage" and about letting the cage door open.

I wish you the best. Don't lose hope. Keep us posted on your situation.

Just wanted to send hugs your way..Take care of yourself, children and the baby on the way..

It's hard when all you see is meanness..and don't understand why..Don't try to understand it right now..Maybe that's the only way your WH can cope but shutting you out. Could the stress of the new baby be playing on him? Added responsiblity etc?

What are his plans for taking care of his children should you divorce and he runs off with OP???

Mine said he felt like he was on a leash - yeah, well apparently it was too long of a leash..They do feel caged, etc. Don't cry, beg, etc. I did that and it had no effect...stay strong.

I am doing a little better tonight. He has not tried to call or email me. Guess I don't understand how he can just let me go after all the years we have been together. And not care about me at all. I am here alone raising our kids and 9 months pregnant and he doesn't even care. Ow is single and has nothing with him and he cannot stop calling her and caring about her and what she is doing.

I know I need to stop focusing on him so much. I guess I just don't know how to get him out of my head.

Yes I do believe a lot of why my husband is doing what he is doing is because of stress. He does have a lot on him right now. His contract with his job is ending at the end of the year. He is trying to find another job. Also he is looking for 2nd job working nights to pay off bills faster. I work but only part time for his sister and I don't make that much right now. Also the baby coming adds more to his plate. He feels I do not understand him and that he can't talk to me. That OW does understand him and he feels he can talk to her.

I don't think he will run off with OW. She lives 10 hours away. She goes to college there. My husband and his family lives here. His job is here. I just don't see what kind of relationship he can have with her even if I am out of the picture. Eventually he will probably take my stepson from our house and move him with him. But I don't think it's a good idea to do that now. He does not need to be pulled away from his school and home. That will do more damage than anything. He has already been through so much.

All I can do right now is take one day at a time. I do miss him so much but I will not call him because I do not want to hear his mean words right now.

I had my doc appointment today. The doc thinks it may be a Thanksgiving baby yet. I was hoping it was sooner but guess there is not a way to speed up the process. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hey sweetie.i went thru almost the same thing. not pregnant though.my wh told me he wanted a divorce, he didnt love me anymore, that he felt trapped in our marriage and just didnt want to be married anymore. i cried and pleaded, i read his cell bills and seen he would talk to ow for all kinds of hours. you know what happened? he just wanted me to back off and let him have his cake and eat it too. i had went berserk for a time as anyone on this board whose read my posts will attest to. it included crashing into his car, ripping up his clothes and pouring paint on them, calling up ow and telling her i was gonna kill her, and a halfassed suicide attempt. im here to tell you none of that worked. i only started making progress when i gave plan a my best shot. as Believer probably told you, it does get better, you do get stronger.he recently told me he loved me more than anything or else in the world and life would mean nothing without me. he said he threatened me with divorce because he felt trapped and wanted me to let him clear his head, but that it was stupid for him to do that. i dont know when you'll be ready to detach and give it your best shot, but until then expect for him to keep trying to put you thru the wringer. oh and stop with the cell thing for now. you already know its going on and you are causing yourself unnecessary pain. i started throwing the cell bills out before i looked at them.im here for you if you want to chat. take care of yourself and new baby! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Shelly,
I think that is a lot of my husbands problem. He wants to feel free to clear his head and think. I keep pushing pushing pushing. And it only makes him want a divorce and away from me even more. I know that I have to just let him alone right now and let him deal with his own mess.

I realize when my husband moved to his sisters house the beginning of Oct I handled it all wrong. Everynight we would go through the same routine. He would call, I would nag, cry, ask how he could leave us and ask when he was ending phone contact with her. I can see now why he doesn't really want to be with me. Who wants to hear that everynight. I need to be strong even though it's hard dealing with this stuff when I am pregnant.

I understand now my husband is the kind of man when pushed to do something he does the opposite. I can see why he felt like he was in a cage or prison in our marriage. I am trying to be different. I am choosing to be different because this may help my marriage if it isn't to late.

girl, you sound so much like me. i called my wh everyday crying the same thing,"how could you walk out on your family? we need you, we love you, how could you do this to me," and so on.... i think that making him feel like a worthless piece of crap doesnt help too much either, and believe me thats what i was trying to do,i think it just pushes him more towards ow because he doesnt have to feel guilty with her. i identify with you totally. i can tell you all i want to stop doing those kind of things, but everyone here told me to calm down and stop, but i was unable to stop and really give it my best shot until I was ready. i hope you'll be ready soon, it must be tough trying to deal with all this and be extremely pregnant. do yourself a favor. DONT call him! wait for him to call you, and try to be sweet even if you want to rip him a new one.i like your MB name . Dreaming of happiness, makes me smile.