I found out that LINY has been in contact will the OW (probably since D-day). I found the message counter on his cellphone had unreasonable amount of messages and I know they weren't from me. I confronted him and he has been text messaging her.

I feel so lost. I keep ask God "Why?". I don't understand what I ever did to deserve this. I don't want to hurt anymore.

I sent her a text message from his phone and she called him today.

I got ripped a new a-hole from my best friend about being a doormat and how he would keep lying and doing whatever he wants - as long as I put up with it.

I called the OW. She kept saying "nothing happened". And yet she says that she has discussed my H w/ her H. She says she will not be in contact with my H. She didn't even answer direct questions that my H has told me. She really did not react to the information I told her about her own life. And she says she's pregnant (w/ her H's baby). I even pointed out that she could very well be a BS as well, and yet she keeps trying to stay in my H's life. I heard her tell lie after lie (mixed with the truth that LINY failed to tell me). I was on the phone with her for like 30 - 45 minutes. There's alot more. But at the end of the conversation she apologised for everything. I told her she should be "sorry" and if she was expecting for my forgiveness, she was crazy.

I feel so stupid. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to give our marriage everything for another chance. I just don't know how I have left in me. I'm going back on Welbrutrin as of today. I don't know how much I can deal with. Just to be lied to over and over again. To me that is the highest form of direspecting someone (and LINY knows that) - it implies that the person is stupid enough to believe any garbage that you'll tell them and they don't really matter enough to tell the truth to.

Thanks for letting me - type to you. I know you have been a great support to me and LINY.

(Will I ever be right again??????)

Brown

Brown -

You know that we all care about you and LINY. The thing that terrifies me about the latest is that you are the one that may lose your feelings for him.

I went through all the same lies and deception with my WH. I didn't give up for a long time, kept trying over and over again. But one day it just became too much.

I ended up having a ONS.

So I know what you are going through. I hope you can hang on until the miracle that you are both waiting for happens.

(((( (((((((((((((LINYBROWN)))))))))))))))))))

brown...

what was the topic of their contact..

what did/do they speak of....

ARK

I just wanted to reach out to you Brown...I feel so badly for you.....I wish there was something I could do PERSONALLY to help you. I know LINY loves you... his posts...are always so greatful for you, your strength, your efforts. I wish there was something I could do to help you. Feeling helpless sucks. Please know we care about you 2 SO MUCH.

Brown,
I feel so bad for you, nothing hurts as much as false progress, but I think you two have made progress outside of the No Contact being broken or never truly implemented. I think Liny's mindset may be finally truly changing and not just saying the right things but maybe thinking along the lines of a committed partner <--I hope that made sense.

You deserve better treatment. This sucks! This is not FAIR! but in the end this is what these A's cause! They cause once loving spouses to behave selfishly and mistreat their partners. I wish you sanity in dealing with this situation.

BROWN-Please steal time to take care of yourself! You've been at this saving your marriage stuff for a long time, a breather may be in order...it's time Liny do some real work on himself...
Just my 2cents

Love Yah,

FM

Dear Brown,

I haven't posted to you before but a poster got us confused at some point <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> because of our similar nicknames.

I'm sorry this has made all the old bad feelings flood back to you, my dear.

I have read LINY's post regarding this and it's pretty obvious he's beating himself up for being a total a$$.

This whole situation demonstrates once more that no-one can really understand the feelings of a BS except for human empaths, Betazoids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and other BS. What the WS thinks is "innocent, harmless contact with nice, friendly OP" is so terribly disrespectful to the BS. A few months after D-Day I found out my H had been talking to some woman on the internet, inviting her over to the place where he practices his hobby (that's not unusual, many people invite friends there to join). He stated it was all "perfectly safe" and I asked him why he had to hide it from me then. He answered: "Because I thought you wouldn't like it.
I asked him "So then you just do it anyway, behind my back? And what makes you look for these women on the internet? They are all good looking women of your own age. Why do you need that? Are you still looking for a mate or what?"
He thought about it and decided to toss all such female contacts from his internet account.
When that particular woman sent him a message just before he was about to remove her, he told her "My wife doesn't want me messaging to you anymore." He still doesn't realise that's like saying "My mommy doesn't want me playing with you." He still has some growing up to do.
"I can't talk to you anymore because that would be disrespectful to my W" would have been more appropriate but I guess that would also imply him sort of "confessing" he had done something in the past that wasn't very respectful.

I just mean - we all have to grow up. And it seems some people will only learn and change when they see the damage they do. That's a high price to pay, but if the change is real, and if you still love each other, it's worth it IMHO.

BUT LINY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> - IF YOU EVER DO THIS AGAIN, I'm considering you a spineless addict to the approval of this OW - of wanting her to think you are a nice guy - no matter what the cost.

Sorry... this stuff gets me rather triggered <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

Brown ... do you know if you want to continue to "save" the marriage?

What is you position currently? How much effort are you willing to expend?

What matters the most to you now Brown? There is no pain-free or anxiety-free path to choose. But you still have a choice as to where you spend your "human resources".

You get to choose which path to take. .... You choose knowing that there is no choice which is free of hurt.

This is YOUR choice. No one else's.

Use your integrity and your beloved values to help you choose your path.

Pain is a given. Suffering is a choice.
Pep

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 10:03 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Brown , I am sure that you are going through alot right now and to say the least are very upset .

We are all here for you , and I hope you get around to responding , so that you can just vent through some of it with us ..

There are some pretty tough questioned posted to you and I am sure again you can't feel 100% sure to make the desions just yet ...

continued contact is a fear in all of us and I am sure this hit hard to say the least .

Take your time and time for yourself ..

LINY needs to SHOW his commitment through his ACTIONS now .

WELL girl as you can tell I am rambling cause I really do not know what to give ya ..other then
((((((((hugs)))))))))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> best friend about being a doormat </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are not - and NO ONE can make that judgment to you. You WILL know when you've had enough. Believe me. That time will come (I've been close enough to it to know for certain).

Can you honestly answer me without ANY waffling: Have you had enough, Brown?

You and LINY may have just hit the Grand Canyon of divots in your path.....but only you two know if you've had enough.

Whatever YOU decide, I'm here for you.

((((((BROWN))))))

BTW: This may give you some small smile. I'd just posted the above to you, then flipped over to the window where I'm playing Bookworm....what was the word that popped out clear as day? "GELD."

Love to you again.

brown - are things any better tonight? Haven't seen LINY posting. Tell him I said he's a chicken. I posted about my ONS and stuck around, why can't he?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> brown - are things any better tonight? Haven't seen LINY posting. Tell him I said he's a chicken. I posted about my ONS and stuck around, why can't he? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">~LOL~ Believer!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Pep -

Well, I DID stay, and it was not comfortable to say the least.

LINY is always talking about how unconventional he is, but apparently can't take the heat.

I think I remember a post by LINY last night...
talking exactly about his screwup.

Yep, he knows he screwed up. But what is he going to do about it?

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
Tell him I said he's a chicken. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>~LOL~ Believer!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep [/QUOTE]</strong>

Believer... this is the part I thought was funny and cute... calling him a chicken... I think you misunderstood what I was laughing about.

Pep

No Pep - I understood. You know I love your advice and comments. Now where is that LINY?

And where is Brown?

BUMP for BROWN !

We are all here for you when your ready .

(((((brown & LINY)))))

If anyone noticed I "bumped" LINY's 1st post. I wanted him to read again. I wanted him to feel the pain I did when I first read it. When I had to re-think what I thought was and what wasn't. I decided then to try and work out our marriage, b/c everyone make mistakes.

I have read his post since that original post and I thought he was growing and committing to our marriage. I felt he really meant it. He was so different to me and I thought he was working so hard to recover our Marriage.

Then I found out about the text messaging and how it seemed so easy for him to continue to lie to me. And put the OW above me again. Ya know, answer her needs - after all I didn't go anywhere after I found out about his A - he was safe, b/c I loved him. I just don't understand why he did this over and over.

Everyone posted to him in the beginning - that he had to have NC b/c it would give me a safe environment to work on recovery. I did deserve atleast that much.

Now what do I have? More pain and confusion. I don't want to be anyone's fool. I honestly love my H, but I can't trust him. This hurts worst then the first D-day. What do they call this "false-recovery"? I just want to go to sleep and wake up to find this has been a nightmare. And everything will be ok - b/c my H will protect me (not be the one to cause such pain to me).

I have no where to go. I can't ask him to leave b/c I can't afford this new rent without his salary. (Anyone that knows our story - my teenage S's are of no help). I can't even say at this point that I want him to go. I feel so confused. (anyone reading this - has to understand this was all caused by an EA of only 3-4 months).

As far as LINY not posting maybe he feels that no one would understand or care about what he has to say. He's a liar and it will be hard for him to regain anyone's trust. I asked him to tell the boards about this discovery himself. I would not have posted about unless he did. I do have to give him some credit for posting. I think it was in some way an attempt to show me he means business about our marriage. (but why should I believe him?) But he may need your help.

I want to thank all of you that have posted to me and understand. I am so grateful.

Brown

I had originally tried to post last night. The computer was down (and I was downer). I have therapy tonight. I hope it helps. But she probably thinking I'm an idiots for everything that has happened in the past 4 years. Anyway I'll post more later. Thanks again