Brown,

I know how you feel. I went through this with my DD's dad. It almost destroyed me and if it wasn't for my baby being born right after I don't think I ever would have been okay. It took me 6 years to be able to trust enough again to even become close to a man. Then after eight months I found out the new love of my life and man I was going to marry was already married.

Now I trust only myself and God. That's it. I have fun, I'm happy and I'm still in love, but I will never put trust in another human being again. Because they are simply that "human".

I can't give you any advice except to let you know that there are so many of us who have been through what you are going through.

Like Linny, my parents were also addicts. I too know what that does to the people who love and rely on them.

Trust yourself Brown. You have a big heart which overflows with love, so you will be happy again.

I am so sorry, I don't even know what to say to you other than I care. As do many, many others on this board.

I hope you can soon start to sleep and everything else you probably aren't doing now.

I think it was in some way an attempt to show me he means business about our marriage. (but why should I believe him?)

LINY has to earn your trust ,,, HE has to prove himself to you ,,,HIS actions ,,,,He needs to own all this ..JMO

Brown this has to be hard a real blow , GUT PUNCH .

If you want this M ,(and I think you do ) take the baby steps again ,,,


Also brown , (JMO) I would step back take alittle break , he needs to do some hard work ...

I am sure at this point you are questioning everything , second guessing yourself and him ,, thinking HOW WILL I EVER KNOW ???

YOU won't ,,, no garentees ..
talk as much as possiable tell him anything you can think of that might make you feel safe ,,anything !

AND its possiable that the situation of working with OW may need to be addressed ..

Also changeing #'s that she does not have /or is this a work phone ... (I know all about that brick in the wall )

Brown take care of you , take your time , and please stay well ...

Brown -

I still think there is a lot of hope for your marriage. My WH never told me the truth about anything, and still hasn't.

It is up to LINY now, he'll have to step up to the plate.

Young adults living in your home are a huge stress, so maybe you can start working on that.

oh i maybe feel that a letter to the OW's H is in order.

she said "they" have talked about her feelings for OM and her H knows. i don't think he does know. i think she was calling my bluff or really thinking i was stupid (that i might believe her - yeah right).

i have talked to LINY about sending her H an E-mail and a copy of the "e-mail" (which she denied ever getting and didn't know what i was talking about). he said if that's what i need to do - but he was wondering if it was a "revenge" letter - and would it really help me. i yelled at him to "stop protecting her". she not really accepting any responsibility in this whole situation. and if her H doesn't know - we - LINY and me - are protecting her. so i will probably be writing a letter very soon. i will have to wait until she's not home and i think he's online. i hope that he gets it and that he "gets it".

and i think she thinks i won't do anything - b/c she's pregnant. i told her i waited this long b/c it was my choice not to contact her or her H. i told her i've known about her since july - i said i'm so sorry i gave you a false sense of security to continue to contact my H. i said that she thinks her H is having an A and she should know how i am feeling right now (i said should know - but i know she doesn't really care about me, my family, or LINY for that matter). her answer was "i know, i've been doing it alot longer than you". she said that LINY does love me and is in-love with me - she knows that. i still very much think she has "an agenda" and she is playing my H. i'm not saying my Darling LINY is innocent - we still need to talk about this and what his plan of NC really is. but she knows exactly what she's doing - and she feels she's in the better position b/c LINY keeps allowing her to be 1st. i feel she won't leave my H alone until there is exposure. i feel my H's "Mr Niceguy" act needs to come an end too. she's uses that against him. i don't think this woman really knows what love is - it's so f'ing sad. she married her H 7 yrs ago b/c she was pregnant (when asked about this and if she was in-love w/ her H - she said "not the whole time in their marriage - but she did love him". And she's had 2 children w/ this man - she's pregnant now - after i think 2 or 3 miscarriages. you think she uses pregnancy as a weapon???? (i really hate women like that - absolutely no self-respect for themselves or their unborn child). it was just so strange a conversation. she could just said "nothing happened" and hung up on me. she let me say things to her and hammer her for like 30 - 45 minutes. at one point we got disconnected. and she called me back (i think this was just to appease me and hope i will not contact her H).

(side note - LINY is sleeping right next to be - he just yelled out in his sleep "I don't want to know anything about your personal business!!". Hum, is he stressed out over OW. he really only talks in sleep when he is extremely stressed out. i say good he should be and he should thinking of ways to re-build my trust for him or moving on).

anyway, i'm hurting real bad - i can't even put into words. i read bobpure's post about the day after d-day and he expressed his feelings about being the BS - i don't know if his words even came close to how i feel.

love, prayers, hope to all

Brown

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: brown ]</small>

I was wondering if your were going to revisit exposure again.

Yes exposure is in order, please do so right away and put an end to this nonsense. Then have Liny do up the NC letter and be done with OW once and for all.

Brown - Who knows if her husband knows?

My WH's OW's husband was on active duty when I found out about the A. When he came home, my WH swore that OW told her husband. But I noticed he always looked real happy (they are neighbors). So I went over to his house and asked him if he had a minute to talk.

Found out that he knew nothing about the A. It was all a big lie to keep me from telling him. I still don't know if WH was lying too or just OW.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by brown:

if her H doesn't know - we - LINY and me - are protecting her. so i will probably be writing a letter very soon. i will have to wait until she's not home and i think he's online. i hope that he gets it and that he "gets it".

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Brown, I suggest this... you call up her H and arrange a face-to-face meeting between YOU, Liny, and her H.

Liny should be the one to tell her H... be the man. If Liny wants to prove his integrity, his sincerity, his commitment, his courage... step up to the plate buddy ... and tell the husband you were a part of damaging his marriage.

Got guts?

Pep

PS ... Mr. Pep did this... and know what the outcome was???

A huge HUGE HUGE lovebank deposit ~and~ a big rise in my opinion of his integrity!

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

hi all,

no can do the NC letter to OW - cannot and will not have anything in writing (i am protecting my family from this woman and LINY could lose his job). there is already too much in "writing". i would advocate that LINY write a letter and sort this out for us -- then burn it.

no can do the call to her H. i only have her cellphone #. i already looked up their # in july, unlisted. i got her # from my H's cellphone. i'd have e-mail him. they share the same account. i would have used another SN, b/c mine LINY's are very similar and she would probably delete it if she saw the name. a face to face w/ LINY (that's up to LINY).

as far as my feelings on exposure .... i never said i would never contact the OW and her H. i believe i said "i saw no use in shooting cannon balls at a sinking ship". and i also said "if the OW still contacted my H ... i would be contacting her". now, i have contacted her and i think she lied to me out right. so, next is to tell her H. (weaver - i never said that i wouldn't --- just not 2 months ago -- i wasn't ready. b/c i felt i needed to find some control over this situation -- that my H and the OW did allow me to have. i needed to be strong enough to deal with this next move head on. it could very well mean the end of my M too -- am i ready for that??? i must stress this was not a decision taken lightly or ignoranyly or for revenge).