My marriage...that is. After 8 years, 3 children. It's over. After the birth of our 3rd child 6 months ago, wife lost it. Drained our accounts, retained attorney, wouldn't reconcile, had a huge fight and had me removed by sheriffs with order of protection in September. I didn't even touch her. Now 2 months later, she is punishing me by not allowing me to see our kids while I pay the bills. I hate her so much I can't wait for the divorce.

Wow for your first post, that is harsh.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

How can she not let you see your children? What is she doing? Have you gone to the courts to get visitation?

Husband, I am sorry for your situation.

Can yo utell us a bit more about what is going on? Based on what you say here, your wife sounds pretty irrational. What is the basis for her behavior? Is there an affair involved?

It's totally normal and understandable to feel anger towards your W for all the horrible things she's done to you and the kids but if you let your anger fester and grow, YOU and your children will be the ones hurt the most. As someone who has been where you are right now, I highly recommend that you consider counseling to help you resolve your anger. I'm not kidding when I say that counseling helped saved my life because it not only helped me to let go of the overwhelming anger I felt towards my XWW but also because it freed me from the past so that I could go forward with my life. Don't let anger become a cancer in your life.

I go back next week. I will also get court-appointed visitation one hour a week. This is tough coming from a husband who gave everything to his family. I hate her so much for doing this yet she's scared to get a divorce. We have 2 homes, a home internet business (which I was forced to temporarily relinquish to her control). I went back to drop off mail and she had me arrested. She told her lawyer and family she wants to humble me. For whatever reason. All I did was provide and she's throwing us away. She has no job. No money and no future so she's forcing me to push for the D and buy her out. She will most likely go back to her mothers with my children. I can't believe she's taken it this far.

HL,

Have you decided yet whether to save your marriage or seek a divorce? I ask you this because the answer you give us will determine what kind of advice we give you.

I am in counseling and I believe she is too. She is very emotional and irrational. She believe she is punishing me. It all started in May when I asked her to stay behind and watch our children one morning while I went house-shopping as an additional investment. She got so insulted, she cleaned out our accounts, retained the attorney and never tried to correct the situation the entire summer after much pleading. It all exploded in a fight and she used it to have me removed. I've seen my kids once in 3 months and my infant looks totally different.

I have so much resentment that I cannot even look at her, let alone go back if she begged me. How does a man who gave his all face that again? Even for his kids whom I'm extremely close to.

We have both sought divorce. Her attorney petitioned but did not send the papers. She wants more money from my wife and she don't have it. Also, deep down, my wife has cold feet. Yet she does not mind hanging this over my head while I sweat it out living at my mothers 60 miles away.

She is dragging me to family court claiming I abuse my kids. My oldest son has autism and she's using that as a weapon for custody which I don't even want or can have. The ironic part is, I am so close and loving to my kids that she has resent towards me for that because she is insecure of her kids not loving her enough. Kids are son, 7, daughter 5, daughter 6 months. Five year old is daddy's girl and she is apparently afraid infant daughter will "favor" me as well. She is so happy and freely admits that infant daughter will not have the emotional bond with me that my older daughter has. She is sick and I hate her guts for this.

bump

HL:

Something seems 2 be missing here. What set this whole thing off? And so severely?

Did one of you have an affair?

Also, though you say you hate her, try 2 realize that it's her actions you hate, not her. Even marriages as "far gone" as yours are quite possibly recoverable. But without a little more info on what's going on and why, it's hard 2 find a handle 2 help you.

-ol' 2long

If the divorce papers have already been filed then I would suggest that you consult with your attorney about the possibility of having a court appointed psychologist to make an assesment on the psychological health of BOTH parents. It could help your case.