that is another reason why I am not sure what my mom says is true, my DS4 is in speech. he has a hard time coming up with the right combinations. He is getting better. DS4 also said that Daddy spanked DS7. DS7 refutes that statement, not sure if it is an over active imagination or the truth.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> that is another reason why I am not sure what my mom says is true, my DS4 is in speech. he has a hard time coming up with the right combinations. He is getting better. DS4 also said that Daddy spanked DS7. DS7 refutes that statement, not sure if it is an over active imagination or the truth. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KMEJ,

It is up to yu break the vicious cycle that your children will carry on with them into thier lives. Chances are againt them that they will break it themselves.

I spent my childhood being, physically, sexually, verberlly, and emotionally abused until I was legally old enough to leave home. I remeber at the tender ages of your children learning never to tell. Why you ask? Because if I told or admitted it happened I was hurt worse the next time, Or the abuser/s would end thier abuse by forcing me to do something that I would get in imediate trouble for, then telling. So even the trusted adult would be sidetracked before I could say anything. My mother who herself had no problems physically, emotionally or verbally abusing me, nor did she or my father do anything to stop the sexual abuse, My father was much like your DH, except throw an oc into the mix.

Oh and the abusers always threaten and conjole to get compliance on secrecy.

A 4yo hiding under the bed to sneak candy, acceptable. Hiding for being "naughty", not acceptable.

Do think I ever trust m mother or my father? No. They were more concerned about apperances. The facade of one big happy family. You staying is telling your children just that. THIER saftey is not important. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> They cannot trust you to do what is best for them. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Now if they trusted Grandma they know they cannot go to her now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />


You are working 2 jobs because your DH gambles, and plays Bigshot with the FAMILY finances. Your children are obviosly afraid of him, and afraid for you. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

He lets them alone to fend for themselves while he lazes away, To wrapped up in himself to even do the basics to care for HIS own children. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

"WAKE UP WOMAN AND SMELL THE COFFEE BEFORE IT STARTS TO BURN AND SHATTER THE POT"

People have told you what to do. Only you can do it. But then again social services can step in and take your choice away. If I were you, I would find out the statistics on abuse, especailly sexual abuse in foster care. If that does not scare you and you are willing to risk staying with this man as he is now. I am truly scared for your babies.

What have the kids learnt to date?

When Dad's unhappy he whacks Mum.

Adults can physical hurt each other they can hurt us kids too - better not make Dad unhappy.

Trust No-one - told Granny, talked to Mammy & now Daddy is angry = unhappy = shouts = whacks = v. scared kids.

You need to see the big picture KMEG, is it that you have been listening to someone all your life telling you you are not worth being nice to, that you don't deserve, and neither do your kids?

KMEG YOU ARE LOVABLE. SO ARE YOUR KIDS.

KMEG YOU ARE ENTITLED TO RESPECT TAKE IT.

TO GIVE CHILDREN SELF-ESTEEM YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT.

REGAIN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE PLEASE

What we do manage to save H borrows out to friends who are in dire need and it is often never returned. H likes to help people when he can. H is also addicted to e-bay and gambleing- so that is also where alot of our money goes. we are not paycheck to paycheck but do not have an extra thousand a month for daycare.


Ahemmm....

Of course you have enough for "child
safety and security"...notice I didn't say daycare. You are not in need of daycare...you are in need of child safety and security. How much is it worth to you to make sure that your children are safe? You have to KNOW that they are not safe with him. How much are your children worth?

You would have enough if your money stops being lent to friends...and not used for gambling and on ebay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

he switched so that I could have a better job, one with benifits, and let me be on the same schedule as my children.

Evidently you aren't on the same schedule with your kids if you leave before they get up in the mornings and the 7 year old is responsible for his younger brothers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am going to ask a hard and harsh question...

Are you wanting that man as your Husband...at ALL COSTS? Even the cost of your children's safety...and lives?

It is very upsetting to see a post where someone just keeps saying that they are doing the best that they can do...and when people offer up suggestions...they are shot down because the bottom line is you want someone to tell you how to change HIM. It doesn't work that way.


JMHO
committed

I have the same days off as my kids. I am going to go talk to my sup. today and see if I can change my hours.

Woke H up today- little upset with me- do NOT care.

H thinks this is all made up by my mother, told him I disagree. I crashed before he got home, and over slept this morning. H and I will talk tonight. or today over my lunch. This is important to me, even though it may not come across as such.

KMEJ,

Get out of the middle of this. Put it in the hands of an expert. Take your children to a Child Psychatrist...or ask the school psychologist to evaluate the 7 year-old. Then..you'll know.

This game of he-said, she-said is getting you nowhere...and it is simply increasing the stress on your kids.

So..take them to someone who KNOWS how to evaluate children.

Your husband, if he loves these kids, should want them to be healthy. There is NOTHING wrong with them speaking to a counselor.

Do it TODAY.

Had him talk to a counselor yesterday, have him enrolled in support groups. Waiting on the counselor to contact me today to set yup further arrangements.

Printed out the letter cooespondance between my mother and I. Brought it home.
Called yesterday morning and this morning just to make sure H is awake.

H is made says I am babysitting him and treating him like a kid.

When I called this morning and talked with DS7, found out daddy was indeed up, then asked to talk with H- just wanted to say good morning, and see how he was, he did not get on the phone he just HUNG UP on me...

I just do not know what it is I did. I wanted to keep him in the loop, up to speed , and wanted his help navigateing our way through this situation.. Especially now that my mom has included not only my son's school but also my dad (parents divorced- due to Mom having A). Parents are now good friends...

What am I missing this time. What is my H's problem? why does there always have to be a problem?

bump^^ looking for how to deal with H's latest mood.