Those of you that remember me, I'm the artist formerly known as Family Matters <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Now I'm affectionately coined as The Punching Bag Husband <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . I have decided for a stay of execution on my M, meaning I will not file for D yet anyway. I will instead opt to reclaim my life while my W is seeking therapy and medication for her depression.

Below I have included an excerpt from a response from SMUR who helped me see the logic in moving on eventhough the W and I are still in the same home.

Any comments, 2X4's or large chunks of concrete are appreciated.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FamilyMatters:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by smur:
<strong> FM,

I think it is a positive step that she has recognised her depression and is now ready to actually do something about that. I think that might be a catalyst for change in a few other areas.

Is there any way for you to pull back and get some of what you need from other things? What I mean is, trying to move on with your life no matter what? Is it possible for you to do that even if she is still around just being a 'roommate'?
It seems to me that she feels very unworthy of you and she is even in awe of how much you have done. She doesn't think that she can ever do as much as you and so she's not trying because she's afraid of failure or of being judged a failure by you.
So maybe if you can pull back, she might be able to make some small efforts and see that she is not a failure, that she can also do something positive for your R, which will then lead her on to feel good about herself, and then she might do more. Just an idea anyway. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well what I've done so far hasn't worked or at least it hasn't achieved the results I anticipated, so anythings worth a shot. I actually was thinking this just today, move on with her in the home? I'm seriously considering this, and this is something I would have never considered just a month ago. I was more selfish then I guess, it was either recovery or I want to end this drama. I get very close to throwing in the towel and then I read a scripture, see my son hug her, or I glance at an old photo and think what if I could hold on just another week?
I hold on for that week and its essentially more of the same. Yes, move on it is, for now. I am seriously considering this option FOR A SPECIFIC AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS...I don't want to live with a roommate, or within a unfulfilling M ALONE indefinetly, but I do think I should give her time to let the medication to show results in leveling out her depression. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

FM,

I am sorry for what you are going through. Your situation reminds me of what I had to resort to. Help often comes in many forms. Sometimes 'not doing' is the help that is needed. I was a major giver which contributed to my spouse feeling 'unworthy'. The path he choose brought great pain to our family. It didn't help him feel worthy. Instead he went deeper down the doo doo pipe. Led by an OP who was already covered in crap. As they rolled in the mire, I kept trying to pull him out. Instead I was slowly being dragged into their poop of life called the A. Now I was involving myself, child, relatives, friends, work, school, God and all others who I came in contact with.

What I eventually learned was that in order for me t/b the best help, I had to remove myself from their mire and clean up (aka: Plan A). Then plan B. Disassociation from the WS & OP was mandatory.

That step was a lifesaver for myself, H and family. Forcing him to live that life he sooo desparately wanted (or so he thought) was what helped him see that the A was just a fantasy. I didn't have to lift a finger, except for the one that kept him from trying to come back too early. Even then he took a long time to hit real recovery.

His mindset was waaaay out there. Like many WS', until that mind clears up, the A or anything else warped exists deep in their soul.

Plan B was like a colon cleanse <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but the parasite eventually was flushed out. Sooo out there somewhere in the chemical waste plant is the A parasite..... or maybe it lives in Hayward. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

The point is to hang in there. Check out plan B and think seriously about it. Let your W know you love her as she was your W not the WS. If she chooses the WS, you will need to take action, if she chooses t/b your W, then she needs to take action. Then step back and watch.


L.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> What I eventually learned was that in order for me t/b the best help, I had to remove myself from their mire and clean up (aka: Plan A). Then plan B. Disassociation from the WS & OP was mandatory.

That step was a lifesaver for myself, H and family. Forcing him to live that life he sooo desparately wanted (or so he thought) was what helped him see that the A was just a fantasy. I didn't have to lift a finger, except for the one that kept him from trying to come back too early. Even then he took a long time to hit real recovery. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid thanks for responding. YES! I realize now that I accepted my W back too quickly. She said all of the right things, and of course I wanted them to be true. Stepping back is all that is left to do. I cannot be certain that she is truly in no contact with OM/OM Family, but it appears the A is over, now we're suffering the cruel depression of my W's reality setting in, withdrawal from OM and her previous life and what is now left of US. I am trying to step back, I must stay busy elsewhere.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>

The point is to hang in there. Check out plan B and think seriously about it. Let your W know you love her as she was your W not the WS. If she chooses the WS, you will need to take action, if she chooses t/b your W, then she needs to take action. Then step back and watch.


L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with you my W must make a decision to act, but she insist now that she's incapable of action. In all honesty I think she sees it as a feet to get out of bed in the mornings. She is very depressed, sunken, disheveled and she has said leaving will only make her worse off, or more depressed because she'll miss our S. My W is now a sad contradiction with feet, absolutely no comfort for anyone, not even herself, and you're right the better I am the worst she is, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> sometimes I think she wishes harmful things on herself as a form of self=punishment...and I also thinkshe wants me to NOT LOVE HER because she DOESNT FEEL SHE IS WORTHY OF MY LOVE..and this would be okay if I DIDNT AND IF SHE WASNT THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN OR MY WIFE..ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

She's killing me softly.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

I posted this in another thread yesterday..so this is a repost to this thread in the hopes if anyone can offer suggestions they only have one thread to find...

Thanks in advance friends.

If anyone has time please help me decipher this message, comments are appreciated.

I think it shows she is still depressed, fogged etc..and any action I make is probably not going to change her mindstate. Also bear in mind we are sleeping in separate rooms and have been that way for about 2 weeks, she has left like 3 times, slept on the couch for a month etc, etc...
IMHO, this is not some chipper situation though her letter might lead you to believe so..



Family Matters,

You’re doing a great job – you are in your role and handling your business as well. How I truly feel? I know I need to go, just for a little while. I do not feel worthy of being your wife – you’ve seen and endured way too much for a husband. A wife is supposed to be adored, revered – all those good/sweet “wifey” things a wife is suppose to receive from her husband that I’m not deserving of at this time. I know you are anxious to give them, but either I’m really not the one or it’s just not my time yet. If things were reversed, I know I would be incensed. I do look at things differently that involve me, mainly because I know me. I never wanted anyone to get hurt, that’s not my nature. Looking at this past situation, I was selfish and wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and felt no one had a say of my choices. I would never take flight from my family to a friendship and at the same time did not want to give up that “other side” of me that I claimed as mine as an individual.


At one point I feel I need to remove myself completely, but then if I do, I lose my son and that will send me further into a depression of missing him. I don’t want him to be sad or ever feel that I don’t love him and that I’m leaving him. That happened when I left before, so I know what to expect. I know he’ll be alright, but I’m mommy and he’s supposed to see/be with me everyday. If I stay, I’m messing up your life in the meantime and that is not fair to you. I’m not where I need to be to make us both happy and something this special and important should not be forced and thinking back, I had to be forcing myself back thinking everything would glide right into the “normal”. I honestly had high hopes of making things work once and for all when I came back the first time – that was no con.

I will go away/separate if that is best but I want to be able to see our SON anytime. If after a while you feel like I’ve still got you on a marital string, I will not make things hard for you if you want to divorce. I’m sorry for everything.

I am calling Dr. ### today, maybe she can see me sooner than Saturday. You’re right, whether I stay or go, this depression is going to follow me and I really, really need to get the help, stop crying all the time and move on.


Family Matters Wife

FM,

Your rendition of her words sound manipulative. Don't fall for that ploy. The WS play that as their trumph card as often as they can.

My H used almost those exact words. I used jump soo high, the fall hurt....hurt me. When I was injured, I was not as useful to myself and my child.....not to speak of the fact that I was not useful and more vulnerable to the actions of the WS.

Even if the A is over, if she is displaying actions of a WS, then she still is a WS. If she feels worthless, she should. You shouldn't help her deny that condition. Instead it w/b better to acknowledge it.

If she can't get out of bed, it maybe better if she didn't have a bed to even worry about getting out of. Tough love, ya know? Plan B. She will then complain about having to sleep in her car, then remove the car..... and so on. In other words,she will complain with the best and the worse with the same degree of complaint. So why spend on the best at your expense if there is no appreciation?

That is why my WS had to live in his truck for several weeks. This spread out over 3 years. Each time he complained, pieces of his life that was within my control was removed. That gave me less stress and made him realize the more he complained the less he got....not more less. Keep it up and the next option w/b care in a hospital facility. I checked out that also. In or case H's family has at least 2 younger sisters who spent time in those institutions (and probably need to spend more time there - they are excellent manipulating drama queens - whooole 'nother story <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ).

The point was less is more. Less for the WS means more for the BS and family.

Worked for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FamilyMatters' W:
<strong> ....I know I need to go, just for a little while. I do not feel worthy of being your wife – you’ve seen and endured way too much for a husband. A wife is supposed to be adored, revered – all those good/sweet “wifey” things a wife is suppose to receive from her husband that I’m not deserving of at this time. I know you are anxious to give them, but either I’m really not the one or it’s just not my time yet. If things were reversed, I know I would be incensed. I do look at things differently that involve me, mainly because I know me. I never wanted anyone to get hurt, that’s not my nature. Looking at this past situation, I was selfish and wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and felt no one had a say of my choices. I would never take flight from my family to a friendship and at the same time did not want to give up that “other side” of me that I claimed as mine as an individual.


At one point I feel I need to remove myself completely, but then if I do, I lose my son and that will send me further into a depression of missing him. I don’t want him to be sad or ever feel that I don’t love him and that I’m leaving him. That happened when I left before, so I know what to expect. I know he’ll be alright, but I’m mommy and he’s supposed to see/be with me everyday. If I stay, I’m messing up your life in the meantime and that is not fair to you. I’m not where I need to be to make us both happy and something this special and important should not be forced and thinking back, I had to be forcing myself back thinking everything would glide right into the “normal”. I honestly had high hopes of making things work once and for all when I came back the first time – that was no con.

I will go away/separate if that is best but I want to be able to see our SON anytime. If after a while you feel like I’ve still got you on a marital string, I will not make things hard for you if you want to divorce. I’m sorry for everything.

I am calling Dr. ### today, maybe she can see me sooner than Saturday. You’re right, whether I stay or go, this depression is going to follow me and I really, really need to get the help, stop crying all the time and move on.


Family Matters Wife [/b] </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FM and FM's W,

This note has it's good and downer points.

The positive is that acknowledgement is at least a 40% step towards recovery. Desire is good but motivation takes effort.

The downer is seeing how she expects to hold onto her son and stay in this state of depression.

Now should your son be subject to settling for a parent less than what she can be? She feels she can't do her part. She is right but is it really fair to expect her to require your son to settle for her as is? Where is the movitation if she is allowed to settle for less and require her family to accept it? It still looks like manipulation even if the intentions sound better.

My H did he same. However my son and I came as a package deal. Either both of us or not at all. For a while he settled for not at all..... while that hurt, at least we (son and I) still had each other.

In our case we stayed as a package deal. I gave support and love to our son and he did the same for me. In his young and little way, my boy made me proud. I listened to his heart when he spoke to me and we worked on dealing with our wayward family member together. We became the tie that binds. The lesson we all learned was and is a lasting one.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>
My H did he same. However my son and I came as a package deal. Either both of us or not at all. For a while he settled for not at all..... while that hurt, at least we (son and I) still had each other.

In our case we stayed as a package deal. I gave support and love to our son and he did the same for me. In his young and little way, my boy made me proud. I listened to his heart when he spoke to me and we worked on dealing with our wayward family member together. We became the tie that binds. The lesson we all learned was and is a lasting one.

JMHO,
L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh our stories sound alike in many ways. Our S was with me for almost 2 years, and D was with my W. I wanted us to reconcile, the W wanted to continue her path with OM. This dragged on for quite sometime and the effects were most devestating to my D and W's already strained R. My W hit a stinky rock bottom, broke up with OM, lost her rental, lived in her car while D came with me...all of these things I thought would lead her back to her senses...NOPE it dragged on further and she bounced between me and OM (totally without my knowledge). Our S continued to stay with me as W found another place and a year later we were back together where she vowed to put OM out of our lives for good, to refocus and recommitt to our M only for me to discover a year and ahalf later that OM was now her *secret friend thus bringing me to MB as a last ditch effort to save my M before cancelling any future episodes of the Family Matters Sitcom <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In a nutshell, I thought my W had learned her lessons but maybe she will never learn it? What more can happen to her, us, our family, our futures...what else? Now from my W I recieve saddened murmurs, woe is me bellows and indistinct cries, but NO lets make this WORK, NO lets SAVE our M, lets WIN this thing, NO lets be grownups with convictions who take our family, future, finances, spirituality, happiness and values seriously, and NO ACTIONS!! I don't know what to do anymore, this is NOT the women I married and this OM who she thought would made her feel so happy, now because of that R her heads a total mess walking around zombie-fied when in my heart of hearts I feel she should be happy to have an opportunity to be apart of a great family...*sigh

There's no where to go but up but sometimes I wonder if cutting my loses isn't the best thing to do. Is she using her depression as an excuse to do NOTHING? AM I BEING A SUCKER? I know I deserve better, heck we all do and my past though far away at this point, it still happened and eventhough I am a new man who's been a new man for years now...do I owe her more due patience? All good questions.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

FM: AM I BEING A SUCKER?

L: Yes. We all have been played for a sucker. Question is how long will you allow yourself t/b used in this manner.

FM: I know I deserve better, heck we all do and my past though far away at this point, it still happened and eventhough I am a new man who's been a new man for years now...

L: Good. Now don't change. Keep moving forward. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

FM: do I owe her more due patience? All good questions.

L: NO but if you can have more patience it would help all (including her).

Your questions are good. BTW, our recovery lasted 3 years. She is still quoting from the manual depression or not. Remember the depression is real but not t/b treated as an excuse.

Keep posting. Keep your priorities clear and solid. ok?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>

The point is to hang in there. Check out plan B and think seriously about it. Let your W know you love her as she was your W not the WS. If she chooses the WS, you will need to take action, if she chooses t/b your W, then she needs to take action. Then step back and watch.


L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She says she wants to be my W...
I step back and watch and she does.....

NOTHING!

NOTHING except fall back into confusion...I see it coming like a wave sometimes..things will be going well and then out of no where I'll start to see her attitude changing..she'll get sarcastic, moody and then...WHAM! She's right back to being in the dumps...is she still in contact? How do I know? What do I do? She keeps saying she wants things to work, but she doesn't work and I'm getting tired of waiting and working alone...so now what do I do?

I will do it, if I only knew what IT is....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

FM,

U really want to know what t/d?

1. Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.
2. Work on your patience.
3. Do deep breathing exercising and use it when
you are pushed to your limits.
4. Love your children. Reassure them of your commitment and love for them.
5. Accept and appreciate their love and support.
6. Talk with Jennifer or Steve @ MB.
7. Identify your boundaries - you are going to be needing to implement them rrrreal soon.
8. Strengthen your immediate support group. Prepare them to be on standby. Remember support members can be as simple as song, hugging your children or pet, smile from a neighbor or stranger and as deep as a heart to heart talk with your IC/MC, family, friends or even venting here @ MB.

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> FM,

U really want to know what t/d?

1. Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.
2. Work on your patience.
3. Do deep breathing exercising and use it when
you are pushed to your limits.
4. Love your children. Reassure them of your commitment and love for them.
5. Accept and appreciate their love and support.
6. Talk with Jennifer or Steve @ MB.
7. Identify your boundaries - you are going to be needing to implement them rrrreal soon.
8. Strengthen your immediate support group. Prepare them to be on standby. Remember support members can be as simple as song, hugging your children or pet, smile from a neighbor or stranger and as deep as a heart to heart talk with your IC/MC, family, friends or even venting here @ MB.

L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid you are so cool!!
Thank you for even bothering to answer this thread I really do appreciate YOU!

I will start 2day...

You know, just having a plan helps?!

7. Identify your boundaries - you are going to be needing to implement them rrrreal soon.

I understand this, but with her staying here some of these especially this will take much effort...I can do it though, I must do it.

Thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

FM:

I get dizzy just reading your ongoing saga and I am sorry for your ongoing pain. I am suspicious of your wife's letter. I too heard the words, You deserve better than me, I need to sort things out, I need time alone, etc." ....All BS active affair talk, as far as I am concerned.

I don't think she has cut her ties with Mr Wonderful. She is torn between her son and her BF and it appears she is willing to give her son up for her BF. What a shame she is so screwed up. I think her depression is a result of her knowing deep down in side she is doing wrong but she is so freaking addicted, she can't stop herself. It might be simple ongoing Fog talk. Until NC is implemented, recovery is not possible, as you know.

Plan B or a version of that may be the only think left. The 180 degrees program may also be appropriate. Tell her you are looking forward to dating and seaking out a new life. She has to feel like you may not be there later and maybe you can suggest you will even look for a new mommy to help raise your son. Just my thought for you tonight FM.

Hang tough my man, these foggers are brutal.

TooSoon

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooSoonToBeComfortable:
<strong> FM:

I get dizzy just reading your ongoing saga and I am sorry for your ongoing pain. I am suspicious of your wife's letter. I too heard the words, You deserve better than me, I need to sort things out, I need time alone, etc." ....All BS active affair talk, as far as I am concerned. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thats what I think too, but not having any proof makes it difficult to accept...If I could only find some proof, she plays the victim and since I have no evidence I have nothing to counter with.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooSoonToBeComfortable:
<strong>
I don't think she has cut her ties with Mr Wonderful. She is torn between her son and her BF and it appears she is willing to give her son up for her BF. What a shame she is so screwed up. I think her depression is a result of her knowing deep down in side she is doing wrong but she is so freaking addicted, she can't stop herself. It might be simple ongoing Fog talk. Until NC is implemented, recovery is not possible, as you know. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES, that is a shame, if I could only find out if that was the truth or not!!! Her cellphone is off, I don't think she'd call from the home phone, all is left is work phones and sneaking out during work hours.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooSoonToBeComfortable:
<strong>
Plan B or a version of that may be the only think left. The 180 degrees program may also be appropriate. Tell her you are looking forward to dating and seaking out a new life. She has to feel like you may not be there later and maybe you can suggest you will even look for a new mommy to help raise your son. Just my thought for you tonight FM. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have no idea how close you are to being right. I am getting to the point where YES I'd be glad to date and YES finding a new mom to help me raise my son and my troubled daughter is very inviting, of course I'm not so sure my W cares at this point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooSoonToBeComfortable:
<strong>
Hang tough my man, these foggers are brutal.

TooSoon </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES they are! I'm at a point of total frustration and I could cave in any minute, if I could just find out if she's lying to me...that would do it for me, and IRONICALLY I think finding that out, and my attitude and actions totally changing based on my new information may be the only thing to wake her up, not that it would make a whole-heck-of-alot of difference at that point... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 07:57 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

I don't think she'd call from the home phone,

FM, never be to sure of the obvious ,ok?

Just on a hunch call the locale phone company and for like$ 2.00, you can every call made from the house sent to you ...

I did and its funny I thought NO , H would never be that stupid ,, but when there desparte they do stupid things ,,, after reading through 2 months of #'s BAM there it was ,,, it was one of the ways I court him ,,, so just check ok?

and make sure ya have caller ID . ow had called my H from pay phone once and the idiot forgot to delete ALL the caller id box's .

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 08:12 AM: Message edited by: 3isacrowd ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 3isacrowd:
<strong> I don't think she'd call from the home phone,

FM, never be to sure of the obvious ,ok?

Just on a hunch call the locale phone company and for like$ 2.00, you can every call made from the house sent to you ...

I did and its funny I thought NO , H would never be that stupid ,, but when there desparte they do stupid things ,,, after reading through 2 months of #'s BAM there it was ,,, it was one of the ways I court him ,,, so just check ok?

and make sure ya have caller ID . ow had called my H from pay phone once and the idiot forgot to delete ALL the caller id box's . </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FM, never be to sure of the obvious ,ok?

hmm not sure what you mean there. do you mean it's obvious? I read about folks here who KNOW they're spouse is in contact, calls infront of them, my wife must be going to great lengths to keep this secret...seriously...I need to know, it would make life so much more simple...

I called the darn phone company, they say I need a court order to get a listing of my own calls...isn't that some crap!!!!!!!!!!

Unbeliveable! I guess upset spouses have been known to request their phonerecords and after finding out someones been fooling around, BAM! 7 oclock news here they come. I wouldn't do anything as stupid as that, I'd just take more offensive action in expediting my WW's relocation plans.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh silly I was not saying OBVIOS like that , I was saying ,, sometimes the things we think they would not do to sneek ,,, COULD be obvious ,,,

Never mind my wording ..LOL

I have verision and I had no problem with that at all ,,, LIE to them ,,,

Tell them you children have been useing the phone exsesivcely and you would like to monitor who they been calling ...

Something like that ,,, that pisses me off that they won't do it ,,, its your phone records ...

Gee don't these people get it WE need this imformation,,LOL

Sorry I was no help ...

But I felt like posting , keeps me mind moving ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 3isacrowd:
<strong> Oh silly I was not saying OBVIOS like that , I was saying ,, sometimes the things we think they would not do to sneek ,,, COULD be obvious ,,,

Never mind my wording ..LOL

I have verision and I had no problem with that at all ,,, LIE to them ,,,

Tell them you children have been useing the phone exsesivcely and you would like to monitor who they been calling ...

Something like that ,,, that pisses me off that they won't do it ,,, its your phone records ...

Gee don't these people get it WE need this imformation,,LOL

Sorry I was no help ...

But I felt like posting , keeps me mind moving ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I understand now.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She might be doing something OBVIOUS and I assume NO SHE WOULD BE DOING THAT>..NO WAY>..I get it.

It makes no sense, I can't ge a copy of my own phone activity...my own activity??????
Ipay the bill but I don't get to know what calls are being made from my phone? Another road block!

Any other suggestions...darn VERIZON! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

12:05PM Phone call with W.....


ME: Did you call your Dr about the appointment?
HER:Yes, its scheduled for Friday but I'm trying to get the date moved up to tomorrow I'm off work for Veterans Day
ME: Are you being honest with me?
HER: YES, I can give you Dr. **** to number to confirm.
ME:I was referring to EVERYTHING not just the Dr.s appointment.
HER: Silence
ME:Are you sure you haven't been in contact with OM or his family in anyway?
HER: NO
ME: (PAUSE_ could you HELP me and give me some way to confirm it?!?!
HER: I dont have anyway to confirm it!
ME: Just like with the Dr. just give me their numbers and I'll call and confirm everything.
HER:That would be strange
ME: No it wouldn't I'm your H calling to make sure there isn't anything still going on...
HER: There isn't
ME:Why can't I confirm that for myself...
HER: Silence
ME: We are married, we live together and I'm your H so I should be able to confirm that you aren't seeing or talking to OM.
HER: I'm not I dont know what else to say or do...
ME: Well then why do you keep getting so depressed all of a sudden???
HER: It's internal not external, it has nothing to do with anyone except me. You keep thinking that it's external and I keep telling you I get depressed about the things I've done..
ME: You sure its not because of the things you're doing NOW?
HER: I'm not doing anything except trying to be a normal person
ME: Okay W if it comes out later then I'm not going to be a nice guy about it...
HER: Silence
ME:I'm trying to give you the opportunity to be honest with me. You've been putting me through alot and if its because you continue to contact OM or OM Family I'm not going to take that very well...
HER: Okay
ME: Remember this is an opportunity to do the right thing...
HER: Silence
ME: Okay

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Do I need more evidence or do I need my head examined?

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FamilyMatters:
<strong>
HER: I dont have anyway to confirm it!
ME: Just like with the Dr. just give me their numbers and I'll call and confirm everything.
HER:That would be strange
ME: No it wouldn't I'm your H calling to make sure there isn't anything still going on...
HER: There isn't
ME:Why can't I confirm that for myself...
HER: Silence
ME: We are married, we live together and I'm your H so I should be able to confirm that you aren't seeing or talking to OM.
HER: I'm not I dont know what else to say or do...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I read back over this part it made me want to rush home and change the locks!!!
This is BS!!! I apologize for my language but she's a selfish lady who doesn't deserve to be my W and she also doesn't deserve to be able to move in with ME in my place and turn my life and our childrens lives upside down. I'm passed upset, I'm passed talking...I think she thinks I'm a nice, sweet, strong, intelligent man but she also thinks I'm STUPID. Please someone tell my WHY/HOW I'm supposed to deal with this baloney? I would love not to care anymore and that's hard to do when the WS still lives with you.

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>