you left me to the sharks. Thanks a lot.

Not that I don't deserve it.

How was your day?

Sharks????? Thanks from the lot of us KMEJ. Didn't you get ANYTHING out of yesterday's thread?

your right, another bad joke. I just do not know how to make a light hearted joke that does not offend. I am sincerly sorry. I wrote that because I felt you all were ripping me to shreds with no regards to my feelings, or what I was trying to do about it. I know that you mean the best, and what happened was my fault. I was still struggleing.

I appriceated all that was said. Right now I am in a tough place, when I am there, I typically make bad jokes.

I am sorry, will you except my apology?

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 06:05 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

Sharks? No biggie.....I've been called WAY WAY worse. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BUT.....and you aren't going to like this K....but I just kinda noticed something.

Don't you think you depend on lemonman a little too much?

I guess depend really isn't the right word....but...you seek him out constantly and well....quite frankly....I think you would rather get advise from him only. No offense taken there at all......but it really isn't healthy for you to be searching him out all the time.

I have NOTHING against lemonman at all...don't get me wrong.

But I've been reading all your posts.....and yup....you depend on him....you hang on his every word.....that's not healthy at all at this point in your life.

Maybe I'm wrong and it's this way.

I've noticed that he kinda tones things down for you....in your posts. He doesn't type as harshly to you....and you've latched onto that. That's not healthy either.

Sorry....that's just the way I see it.

Believe me....I'm not here to cast stones or to berate or to judge......I've been exactly where you are K.....and it just irks me to no end that you don't seem to be getting the BIG picture.

Please remember that we do have a regard for your feelings........that's why we are telling you these things.....we've all been there.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

no I was looking for lemonman tonight because he would drop the earlier discussion and just ask me about me, or my kids, or we would just talk about basic stuff.

I probably do seek him out too often, however he is easy to talk with, and not so heart wrenching.

Does that make since? I am not looking for anything more then that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> KMEJ
Member
Member # 37888

posted November 09, 2004 06:15 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
no I was looking for lemonman tonight because he would drop the earlier discussion and just ask me about me, or my kids, or we would just talk about basic stuff.

I probably do seek him out too often, however he is easy to talk with, and not so heart wrenching.

Does that make since? I am not looking for anything more then that.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I see....looking for an escape from the "attack" earlier. Believe me....I take no part in "attacking" anyone....I do however tend to butt in when someone doesn't seem to be "getting it". Been in those shoes......sucks to be there. Believe me....I've been on the receiving end of plenty of "attacks".

I never said that you were looking for anything more....I said that it wasn't healthy at this point for you.

This is interesting:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I probably do seek him out too often, however he is easy to talk with, and not so heart wrenching. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H said this same thing to me when he confessed his A. Only change the him and he's to her and she's. He was involved in an EA with the OW at that time.

I once thought I was easy to talk to......and not at all heart wrenching....at least I try not to be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's all good K....these are just my own perceptions.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 06:28 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

just out of curiosity- if the person I was seeking out was LemonGIRL, would there still be a problem?

no that whole matter that you brought up was a big discussion over on In Recovery, nameing Lemonman and myself about innappropriate conversation.
I like talking with Lemonman, he says he enjoys talking to me.

I appriciate you taking the time to talk to me however.

My head is still sore from all the 2x4's that came my way today. Not that I do not need them.

I see you posted that I am not getting the big picture in both your posts. Do you want to share with me what you see I am not getting?

Thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> just out of curiosity- if the person I was seeking out was LemonGIRL, would there still be a problem? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To be completely honest.....yes and no.

No....because it would be a woman.

Yes...if you were looking for someone to coddle you....agree with you.....and really only seemed to respond to that person after asking everyone else for their opinions.

This isn't about lemonman being a man....it's about your dependancy on someone else.

do I really only respond to him? I think I respond to everyone, maybe him more then others. never really thought about it.

I am responding and having a conversation with you. Like I would him. I guess because he will engage in a conversation that goes back and forth with me, so I continue to seek him out.

I really do not know much about you. care to share?

and for the record lemonman does not coddle me and definately DOES NOT agree with everything I have to say. That is what makes him so intreging.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> was a big discussion over on In Recovery, nameing Lemonman and myself about innappropriate conversation. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am sick to death of you and/or LM saying that I posted anything about you two being inappropriate. I posted about my trigger - my trigger because someone is interested in you for you. It triggered me b/c it was how the EA portion of my A started.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOU TWO BEING INAPPROPRIATE! CAN YOU PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I did apologize that you were hurt. I did try to make it clear that it was my issue.

If you want to "blame" someone, then go ahead. It usually makes it easier. But all I said was that I triggered, and I made it clear it was my problem. Ugh. This is so frustrating.

And for the record, the thread did not pick up that much attention. I tried to let it die. Your thread yesterday brought much more attention.

There is a post floating around here somewhere with my whole story......way too long to post right now. I should write it down and save it one day so I can copy and paste.

Long story short....my H had an A with one of his workers. My sister caught them....he moved out...came home......moved out.....came home. I couldn't handle it....was too dependant on my H.....didn't want to lose him. Groveled, pleaded....begged for him to stop it....and work on our marriage. All the while....making excusese for him....oh....it's an early MLC...so on.
He told me that I was living in fantasy land...and to move on.
I went so long without eating....out of depression....I ended up in the hospital.
He was VERY VERY verbally abusive.....threatened to take our youngest daughter and leave the other 2 with me. Told me I wasn't worth trying for....you name it...he said it. That's what clicked in me. Took me almost a year to "get it".
I decided that my train was moving forward....and if he wanted to get on the track with me.....we would see what happened.....if not....it was his loss. He wasn't the person I married and I didn't want to have anything to do with him....so I moved on.
The kicker was....the last time he moved out.....my sister took him in. She felt sorry for him.....lol.....she soon got tired of his sorry a$$ too.
I went on a date....my IL's accused me of abandoning my children...even though they were with their own son....they disowned him because of the A.
My STBXH at the time then decided to pull his head out of his a$$....and him and the OW ended up calling if off mutually. I had nothing to do with it....there were problems in their relationship....not of my doing.
About 2 weeks later....he said he wanted to try to make us work. It took me a while to even consider trying........but he knows that this is his last chance.

That's it in a nutshell.....there is ALOT more too it.........but I'd be writing a book if I wrote it all.

I am sorry that upset you LIT, not intentional. I am not mad at all, and was just trying to show why I jumped to the conclusion that I did.

I like talking with Lemonman, I can see where that raises some red flags. It might in my eyes too, if it was not me in the conversations. However I guess most EA's you never see coming.

I do want to thank you for bringing that to my attention, I will be careful.

I never said lemonman coddled you. I said he wasn't as harsh with you as he is on other posts. I didn't say he agreed with you all the time either......I said there would be a problem if that's what you were looking for.


As for my references as to you "not getting it"....well.....you don't seem to be.

We all know that you love your H...and you want to save your marriage.....but at what price?
Maybe you haven't figured that out yet....but it's something you should really be focusing on.

There are some people that should NOT remain married and there are ALOT of reason why some people SHOULD get divorced. I don't believe in saving the marriage AT ALL COSTS.....especially if there are children involved.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 06:57 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

SOunds like you had it pretty rough, sorry about that.

How did you handle the verbal abuse? How did you not feel horrible?

Also how did you deal with the cycle that I am sure your H went through as well. Where he is super nice, does what he should, you are happy--->to starting to withdraw, ignoreing you---->to everything being your fault, nothing is ever good enough and any nasty thing he can think of----->being super nice ????

Or is that just my H? Right now he is in the super nice phase. Not sure why.

He does NOT however want to discuss what happened this morning with the boys. He has already chaulked it up to being my mothers fault. I told him we need to talk about this and come up with a game plan, he says why. However he has agreed that we need to in the best interests of our sons. Hopefully he is not just blowing wind.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How did you handle the verbal abuse? How did you not feel horrible? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't handle it well at all in the beginning. This was a new thing for my H. He had never been this way before.

After a while I realized that only I had control over the way I felt....and the way people made me feel. I had a choice as to how to react to them. I could take the verbal abuse to heart.....or I could chalk it up to my H's new found personality. I won't say "fog".....my H WAS in love with the OW. He became a completely different person.

I eventually made me....not my H. I finally got to a point where I didn't need his approval to feel good about myself....and his blatant disapproval of anything about me....or my person....just wasn't important anymore.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also how did you deal with the cycle that I am sure your H went through as well. Where he is super nice, does what he should, you are happy--->to starting to withdraw, ignoreing you---->to everything being your fault, nothing is ever good enough and any nasty thing he can think of----->being super nice ???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

My H NEVER did that. He was the same ALL the time. Grumpy, sulking, very short tempered, quiet....mostly ignoring me....until.....

I had enough....I told him I was leaving. I decided that I was tired of the roller coaster...it was making me sick...and I was tired of trying to play nice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He does NOT however want to discuss what happened this morning with the boys. He has already chaulked it up to being my mothers fault. I told him we need to talk about this and come up with a game plan, he says why. However he has agreed that we need to in the best interests of our sons. Hopefully he is not just blowing wind. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now...this is where I think you are "not getting it". HE doesn't get the last word with this one. You need to take a stand with this. Tell him that you ARE going to talk about it...because it's important to you. You ARE going to come up with a solution....even if that means that you and the children remove yourselves from his presence....for their physical and emotional safety. This one has nothing to do with you 2...it's all about the boys.

You need to do some serious thinking.....about what you want more. Your marriage.....or your sanity.

Really.....I'm sorry if I come off as harsh....I'm not really....I have a big heart.....but there comes a time when the whole picture needs to be looked at....and some things need to be decided.

It's really hard for me to sit here and read about your H...and the way he acts and reacts without wanting to reach through my monitor and smack him on the back of the head and tell him to grow up.


BTW.....I never saw anything over on Recovery about you or lemonman....maybe I wasn't looking in the right place.

This is a repost from the five page thread yesterday regarding you continually seeking LemonMan:

Originally posted by KMEJ:
It is just such a disappointment that others think I am seeking out someone on MB to have an EA with.
Make sense?
-------------------------------------------------

KB:

Yes I'm sure that you were unaware that it came across that way but now that you ARE aware you have the opportunity to change the way you communicate. Your posts in and of themselves would not be a problem had they been directed to any of the other regular posters on your threads.

You did/do not pursue anyone else's opinions, male or female or try to engage them on a personal level to the DEGREE that you did LM and therein is the problem. If you had been AS interested in a variety of posters it probably wouldn't be the red flag it is now. Can you see that? The book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass would help clarify for you what appropriate boundaries are in male/ female friendships. I know this is all so new to you KMEJ, it's a huge learning curve here on MB.
*******************************************

KMEJ, I'll repeat the question, did you get ANYTHING out of yesterday's thread? If so why are you seeking Lemonman out yet again to chat? Oh, you are looking for an escape from the 2 x4s? Lemonman is your escape?????? Huh?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Reread the Cherished thread again, the whole thing was about your vulnerablity to an EA. Maybe on the second reading you will "get it". You are not thinking clearly and Lemon is not your only option on this board unless you make him so. You seem determined to place him in this role.

He may do as he choses but.....it will not be in your best interest if he encourages you, you must be in pretty deep already as evidenced by this callout thread, the day after you have been told you need to watch yourself. Geeze KMEJ. Let it go. You've got awesome people posting to you, stop chasing and chatting up Lemonman, he'll be around don't worry. KB

:::You've got awesome people posting to you, stop chasing and chatting up Lemonman, he'll be around don't worry. KB

Geez you people go for the throat! Glad it's not mine this time!

I had read some of KMEJ's posts to Lemonman and had thought it was coz he's a doctor. A lot of people think Doctors have the ultimate wisdom and knowledge. Poor sods, bet they wish that were true. My daugher is a doctor and a sweetie and ends up with needy people seeking her out coz they know she hasn't got it in her to tell them not to bother her so much. One is a eldery neighbour who constantly pops in for a free consultation usually when my daughter is heading to bed after being up all nite. I guess it's a hazard of the profession.

AN

KMEJ,

Please accept my apologies for bringning this all back up again. I don't make it over to the Recovery side as often as I come here to GQII.

I just finished reading the threads in which this was all "hashed" out.

I never once intented for you to think that I thought you and lemonman would fall into an EA. I didn't see it that way at all. I only made the comment about my H's EA because I remembered him saying something similar to that to me.

Lemonman....please accept my apology as well.

MY concern was for your dependancy on someone else to make your decisions....seeking someone out to help you in your corner so to say..back you up..that's how I saw it...nothing else.

You are already so dependant on your H in the decision making process.....I was merely concerned about you being able to break that and then end up depending on someone else....rather than taking charge and being able to handle things on your own.

Again....my aplologies to both of you.