Well, I have the next 4 nights off and my WW is going to her mom's to think things through about what she wants. The good thing is, I may get an answer on Fri. on whether or not she wishes to work on this marriage or not. The bad news, I get to stress out immensly over the next few days.

Anyway, I was going to tell her a few things before she left. I figure it's only fair for her to know what I would expect should she decide to commit herself to me and our marraige.

If she chooses to stay and work on this marriage I would expect...
</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Absulutley NO CONTACT with OM</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">100 % complete honesty, no more sneaking around, no hiding things from me</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If she has a problem come to me, ESPECIALLY if I am the problem (she always turned to other people with problems and that spawned her realationship with OM, he speaks her love language)</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I'm sure there are more things I will come up with, but that is it for now. What do you all think?

MIF?


edited to change title of thread from my stressful days ahead to AHHHHHHGGGGGG!!!!!

<small>[ November 12, 2004, 12:44 AM: Message edited by: marriage isn't forever ]</small>

I think you have a long couple of days, but if she comes back with a decision it is better then 3 more months living with her not knowing.
I think what you plan to tell her is good.

I also think you should go live your life and decide it you want her back.

take care. Good luck

Well, that's just it. I have decided that I do want her back. At least I can start to get on with my life here in a few more days - hopefully.

MIF?

IMO- show her you can move on and be happy with out her, show her you can stand on your own. If she thinks you are moving on, my best guess is she will come running back. If she doesn't then you are a leg up and won't be so heartbroken....you will start to feel alive again.

Just my 2 cents, not worth much

I guess that will be the plan should she decide she wants out come Fri.

Happy holidays to me - yeah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

MIF?

I know you are in a hard spot. your world is sinking around you and there is nothing that you can do about it.

If I could go shake your spouse and wake her up I would.

She has no idea how much pain that her selfish behavior is inflicting.

Please know that I will be thinking about you and praying that your wife comes out of the fog soon.

I also am adding this to the list.
What you will get from me:
</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My total devotion to you, to meet your emotional needs. Now that I know or am in the process of figuring them out I can work on meeting those needs of yours.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My continued work on me to be the husband you have always wanted. Ie, learning to communicate my feelings.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me staying out of my “cave”.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My vow to continue with counseling until we both decide we don’t need it any longer,</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My vow to go back to counseling should you decide we need to.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">100% honesty, no secrets, no hiding things.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I have a problem, I will come to you and we can work it out together.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." -George Santayana

MIF?

MIF...sounds like you and I are going through the EXACT same thing. Except I have to wait 5 days for mine. He lives for a hunting trip tomorrow bright and early. He will be gone for 5 days. He'll be back Sunday evening. First time ever we've been away from each other with no contact. (he'll be out in the middle of no where)
So my stress starts tomorrow morning at 6:00 am.
Thing is, we have been somewhat seperated already. 10-28-04 he moved to the third bedroom and all emotional and physical contact stopped. I can't remember the last time he even said he loved me.
It hurts...but sounds like you and I will have the answer we need sooner than we probably want.

Although my faith tells me he will miss me and want to give our M another chance...past 13 weeks tells me differently.

Above all, I'm scared to death. If you could keep posting maybe the 3-5 days will be easier and we will both get the outcome we want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: LovingWifeInTexas ]</small>

LWIT,

Sorry to hear you are going through the same thing as I. I don't wish this upon anyone, the stress, the hurt, the confusion. It's truly maddening.

I too am clinging to the hope that my WW will decide to stick this marriage out and see if we can make it better than it ever was. She says she is scared because I have changed my ways in the past only to revert back to my old self and she doesn't want to go through the hurt of that again. Unfortunately I do not have any way to prove to her that this time is different. This time I realize what I stand to lose and I don't want to lose it. I also realize what mistakes I have made in the past and am trying very hard to fix those flaws in me so that this never happens again. Before I didn't do that. I just kind of faked my way through it, for lack of a better way to put it.

I do plan on being here quite a bit the next few days to help me get through this. When I am not tending to the 3 little ladies in my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MIF?

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 09:40 PM: Message edited by: marriage is forever? ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by marriage is forever?:
<strong> Well, that's just it. I have decided that I do want her back. At least I can start to get on with my life here in a few more days - hopefully.

MIF? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I will weigh in here. I think if you pour over these message boards and read the posts from the past years and follow the stories here you will REALIZE that your life per se "will NOT just be getting on" in just a few days. If your wife decides in a few days that she wants to "take you back" and that is what is really at stake here, because the decision to reconcile is hers it looks like, then you are in for a long, painful, and emotionally crippling ride. I admittedly don't speak from experience because I chose not to "take back my wife" after MULTIPLE betrayals and deceit. Read the posts, you can pretty much see what your future will be. I hope that your "marriage is forever", hang on my friend, this is not "gonna be over in a few days". If I were you, I would change that post above to : "My upcoming YEARS of stress". People do claim to recover marriages, so obviously for many all of this pain your are gonna endure will be for the sake of your marriage. Good luck.

MIF,

I do hope she comes back with the words you want to hear and is as committed to this as you are. But as I like to say "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst"

Its usually a good idea to have a plan for the worst as well as the best. Usually you'll end up somewhere in between.

Good luck!

MIF is your WW in an affair now? i.e. not in NC?

Right, my WW is still in contact with OM. She is in an EA. She is trying to decide if she wants to work on this marriage or not. She told me last night that her heart and mind are both telling her she does, but she just wants a little time to be sure. I told her what I would expect should she commit to me, (listed above in my first post). So should she decide to work on the marriage she will know what I want from her.

MIF?

Lemonman,

I realize my life will not be getting on in a few days. I know I am in for a long haul either way. I guess, what I meant to say was this limbo I have been living in will at least be over, I will know if I can start planning for a divorce or if we will start to work on saving our marrige. My WW so far hasn't decided if she wants to forgive me for 10 years of neglecting her needs. She has accepted full responsibility for her actions, and knows she was/is wrong, but says she doesn't want to endure another false recovery of mine. I say it that way because I have over the years "changed my ways" for a month or so only to revert back to the way I was before and in the process hurt her time and again.

Miker,

That's pretty much my motto in life. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

MIF?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by marriage is forever?:
<strong> Lemonman,

I realize my life will not be getting on in a few days. I know I am in for a long haul either way. I guess, what I meant to say was this limbo I have been living in will at least be over, I will know if I can start planning for a divorce or if we will start to work on saving our marrige. My WW so far hasn't decided if she wants to forgive me for 10 years of neglecting her needs. She has accepted full responsibility for her actions, and knows she was/is wrong, but says she doesn't want to endure another false recovery of mine. I say it that way because I have over the years "changed my ways" for a month or so only to revert back to the way I was before and in the process hurt her time and again.

Miker,

That's pretty much my motto in life. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

MIF? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MIF:

Good luck in whatever happens to you Friday. May you find the peace you seek. I will say a prayer for your recovery.

Well, my WW left a little while ago for her sabatacle. I was mistaken apparently, because I thought she was going to her mom's, but instead she is getting a hotel to be by herself and think things through. This took me by surprise and hurt to hear at first. She promised that it would not be anywhere near the OM and that the only ones who know she is doing this are her aunt and I. I told her to be honest with me and tell me if she was doing this to sneak off and be with the OM for a couple of days to tell me now. She promised it was not. She said she would not go if I didn't want her to. I told her I was exhibiting some trust in her to tell me she will be alone, I would rather she tell me she is going to be with OM than me finding out later on. I asked her several more times and she said she was not. She wanted to sort things through in her mind. Maybe I was foolish to let her go, I don't know. I figure if it was a plan to sneak off with the OM sooner or later it would come out and that would be enough to push me over the edge and call it quits.

I should note that we live 4 1/2 hours from OM and she said she was going about 2 hours away to stay in a hotel for a few days, till she got her hair cut on Fri. near her mom's about 3 1/2 hours away.

Am I being a naive fool?

MIF?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Not necessairly a fool...are there not hotels mins from you? Like I live in Dallas and there are hotels everywhere you look.
But if you are in a more rural area maybe to get to a nice one she has to drive that far.

Husband left this morning at 5:30 am....we decided to calling or anything. But that's only hard for me, not him. He didn't even leave the address to where he is at. All I know is the location (town). I told him Monday I needed an address. What happens if I need to get some news to him...like if the kids end up in hospital. I know he is 7 hours away and cell phone is hard to reach when deer hunting, but I could have at least sent a cop out to the area if necessary. Not now. My gosh, we have two small children and I haven't a clue where to find him. Just a cell #. Is that weird??

Yes, there are hotels about a half hour away. We do live in a rural area. She had to head to the Detroit area anyway since she is getting her hair cut on Fri. So she decided she would get a hotel either in the suburbs norht of Detroit or in Frankenmouth, north of Flint. The OM lives an hour south of Detroit.

I just started getting that sick feeling in my stomach again. What if she is playing me for a fool?

LWIT,

Is your H anywhere near the OW? I would guess if he is deer hunting he is out in the middle of nowhere with the guys for the week drinking beer, not showering, not brushing their teeth, and smoking cigars.

MIF

edited to add - she said she would leave her cell plugged in and on at all times in case I needed to get ahold of her.

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 08:48 PM: Message edited by: marriage is forever? ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by marriage is forever?:
<strong> Yes, there are hotels about a half hour away. We do live in a rural area. She had to head to the Detroit area anyway since she is getting her hair cut on Fri. So she decided she would get a hotel either in the suburbs norht of Detroit or in Frankenmouth, north of Flint. The OM lives an hour south of Detroit.

I just started getting that sick feeling in my stomach again. What if she is playing me for a fool?

LWIT,

Is your H anywhere near the OW? I would guess if he is deer hunting he is out in the middle of nowhere with the guys for the week drinking beer, not showering, not brushing their teeth, and smoking cigars.

MIF </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't know what to tell you here but many a wise poster on here would tell you to heed the "gut feeling". it is usually right on <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

He is deer hunting, I think. His lil'EA woman is in AZ. So unless they decided to meet halfway and that's where he really is, then anything is possible.

I can't wait to also be out of this "Limbo" stage. Do you miss your wife?

I don't miss H yet...but I betchya I will tomorrow. Gonna be another long 4 days.