I have not written too much lately...been busy working on my marriage! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

For those who do not knwo me..here is a quick bg..EA (they never had sex) exposed in 03/04..but it had been going on since 7/03.
Until early september he was trying ot maintain 2 lives...with the OW getting the better end of the deal...(flowers, gifts love letters etc)..WH got an apt ove rthe summer but never moved in...heard EVERY line that this board says they will say to keep the double life...

I was hesitant to do the "be nice" route...why shoudl I sacrifice my feelings to make him happy after all the crap?!?!? But I look at my 2 year old daughter and know why I needed to do that...so early september I became a new person...happy, easygoing, NO more long talks or questions...and what happened? We started spending family weekends together and having fun...we started watching TV together at night instead of being in separate rooms...then the best part...we started having sex again....

Early Oct. he wrote the OW a letter....she responded with a "glad you are happy" message then proceeded to with teh "you ruined my life" emails.....since this he has REALLY given 100%!
He has bought me surprise gifts, is involved in my new business venture and looks forward to our snuggling.....and the sex...although still alittle hard to do..is getting better and better...

I asked him why the sudden change? His response..."I do love you...I just didnt love us together....you felt like my sister nto my wife-and I want our daughter to have her family together, I lvoe the 3 of us together-it is fun!"

That statement made me almost cry b/c I can accept an OK husband if he is going ot be a wonderful daddy! And that he is....

So THANK YOU to all of those involved in this board....help me see that my stubborness was NOT helping the situation and realizing that my daughters happiness is the priority...not mine...I am almost happy again...and we are now discussing moving ot a bigger house...and we have our first vacation planned for the Holidays (his request!!!!)

THANK YOU!!!!!! Hope this is a little inspiration for others out there!!!!!

Bumping good news up

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 10:22 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Congrats to you and hubby! I like seeing the happy endings.

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: chackler ]</small>

Thanks for your post, I need alot of help with this, i think it would greatly benefit my marriage, as i'm tired of being an unhappy particpant in my marriage and in life i want to be happy again. any tips on how1 to get it started i know its hard in the beginnign especially when you have alot of hurt inside!

hi mylife...

this was the hardest thing i have ever done...but, like this mroning, getting a hug from my husband b4 he leaves for work makes it all worthwhile...unlike soem of the other stories though, my WH never stated he wanted a divorce, never moved out even though he got an apt., and still talked to me on occassion like I was a person...when we werent fighting for hours about the OW.

So, when I found this site I was inspired by it, but didnt believe in it...the marriage continued a downward spiral....then one day I woke up and said I need to do for me..so I concentrated on the business I recently started which in turn brought me sales which in turn made me happy...I started to be more of a mother again to my baby..which also made me happier...WH saw these changes and it seemed to change him....then I even wanted to be nice to him...it was weird..I knwo he did not deserve it but b/c I felt good I just wanted to do for everyone....and now...almost 2.5 months later things are good...we still have a lot of work ahead I know..but it is good right now...trust will be an issue for a while, but he now seems understanding to that by hsaring his phoen bills, credit cards statements and emails...and the best part...he calls me a couple times a day when he is traveling....

So the best advice I can give...is be patient...and if it seems like in your mind that there is hope and you DO want it to work...start doing for YOU! Once you feel better..WS will see that....and I guess that is a bigger deal than I had originally thought.....

Believe me..I was ready to sign the divorce papers it was that bad.....so it can happen.....

:-)

Jill MANY THANKS for this WONDERFUL testament to patience and 'plan A' type behaviour !

It gives me hope that I should stick to my guns too !

Heres praying that your H recovers to be much more than an 'OK' husband !

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />