I'm feeling hopeless, again. While I'm still on a roller coaster I think it's the kiddy ride now.

Last week I asked H what is the purpose of our temporary separation. Last week I asked H is there a promise between us. I didn't expect an answer then, but I've still not recieved an answer 6 days later.

We grilled in the back yard as a family Saturday and then went out together with friends. H spent the night.

H has asked me out for Friday.

H is taking the girls tonight so I can go out and sleep through the night.

This patience thing is killing me. I'm starting to feel like someone is holding down my arms, restricting them completely and I want to act out. I want to wave my arms and be free.

Sometimes I think that I've stopped putting my life on hold, and am moving on. But then I know I'm waiting on his sorry a$$ to tell me what's going on.

This is so stupid, but I moved my wedding ring to my right hand. Wow, I'm so rebellious. Maybe next I'll go skydiving.

Does anyone else feel like this? What do you do about it? I know this is probably immature, but is there a way to turn a immature desire into something good?

Write about the desire/feeling/rebellion in the form of a poem, a play, or a piece of music. Or draw the feeling as art. Or go beat the crap out of something at the gym.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe next I'll go skydiving.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I got my navel pierced and a BEAUTIFUL tattoo.

HUGS LOY!

A tattoo? Oh, that is rebellious.

A play? Sounds like hard work. Of course, it seems like all the things worth doing in life are hard work. Trying to remember that easy street leads to crappy places.

In Relationship Rescue Dr. Phil talks about giving up your desire for revenge and getting your pound of flesh and then you can recover. I only ever want revenge or whatever when I feel controled. But this is silly, isn't it? My H doesn't control me. Then why do I have the urge to prove it to him that he can't control me? He probably doesn't see it as controling me, but I'm taking it that way.

I need to trust God and let go, but I don't know how to do that really. Let go.

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: Loy ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Loy:

I need to trust God and let go, but I don't know how to do that really. Let go. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you need to GET BUSY and dive into some fun activity .... something creative.

Pep

I'll go skydiving if you will, Loy.

Always wanted to anyway....dh told me no <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I dunno why, tho....my insurance is WAY better than his...(evil grin)

Oh, I'm trying to get busy. I'm a swimming class with my older daughter and in a photography class once a week for myself. I'm trying to organize and declutter our home. I go out with friends.

But things just feel so hollow sometimes. Here I go again with the self-pity, the world's most destructive mind set.

I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I have two beautiful daughters, a H who wants our family (he just doesn't know what to do), caring parents, a comfortable job, interesting friends, wonderful sisters, and I've lost all that pregnancy weight. I'm going to learn how to make a dress.

It's just so frusterating knowing there is nothing I can do to fix my marriage except wait. This is not what I expected of marriage. This entire last year is not what I thought was a part of a marriage.

I do not agree with this temporary separation. It is forced on me. Is this setting up the prescident that we shouldn't live together when we are going through tough times?

I really am heaping up a lot of hope for the Retrouvaille follow up sessions.

So God knows better. I just need faith cause I'm focusing on all that I don't understand.

Loy...

?hormonal?

Pep

Maybe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

But I'm not on a cycle right now, cause I'm still reaping a few benefits of pregnancy.

I'm probably getting hit hard with the fed up hormone.