Background - D-day 8/18/04 WW told OM not to contact for 3 months on 10/7. He contacted her on 10/20, usually by email. I found out and WW said she would stop contact again (but not closure with OM). WW likes to write a journal at night and I found all the things she wrote (very explicit PA and EA). Wants to "go anywhere" with him.

Next thing is she lies to me last Friday (11/5)when she tells me she'll be home at 5:00. Well she calls me at 6:00 and says she is running late and don't ask her where she's been. I know she meets him after work at a hotel. I find out and we talk over the weekend that she can not see him while we are under same roof.

I give her space. Then she wants her cake and eat it too?

Then yesterday, I looked in her purse and found lingerie, wine glasses, and romatic CD. I confronted her and said its not respectful to me and then she breaks down and says she will stop contact again. So she calls him from cell phone and "tells OM" again not to contact her (until January) not sure why that is?

That same day (yesterday), we have good day and good dinner and then great sex. Now what do I do?

BH - 45
WW - 37
Married 16 yrs.
Son - 15

The first thing you do is stop enabling the A.
And that's exactly what you're doing.

There is a huge difference between Plan A, and this type of behavior.

Your W continues to lie, pretty much lets you know you're not entitled to ask questions as to her whereabouts...and she pretty much lets you know because you won't like the answer.

She isn't denying this A...she's almost testing how deep the waters run.

Until January...this is her way of "giving your marriage" ample time to recover...whilst keeping OM on back burner..."you can wait 3 months can't you ?"... the holidays would be so horrible a time to do this.

Consider Plan B.

Sorry to be so rough...but this isn't weird stuff...this is doormat stuff...it's not allowed, and strictly enforced.

Please consider Plan B.

Has a NC letter been sent ?

Is the OM married or have a gf ?

Kristof,

I know she meets him after work at a hotel.

I looked in her purse and found lingerie, wine glasses, and romatic CD.

So she calls him from cell phone and "tells OM" again not to contact her (until January)

Dude, it sounds like she is telling you whatever you want to hear and not even thinking about not seeing the OM. ADDICTION!! Pursuing the phereomes and endorphins or what ever they are.

Is the OM married? Girlfriend? Sounds like it is time for exposure. Telling the spouse or significant other of the OM helps bust things up.

Do you know the OM?

we have good day and good dinner and then great sex. Now what do I do?

Ask her who she was thinking of during the sex.

Sorry, but she is totally in the fog and chemically induced!

k

I have exposed affair to OM wife. He has 2 four yr. old kids. I could expose this to his family as well, but have not.

I'm confused as to how Plan A works. I thought you give the WW space and get on with your life and wait till they see the light?

Is plan B move out to just move out?

Can you give me an example of a no contact letter?

Thanks very much!!