Ok folks,
Have taken Chris and others suggestion have reread and revised this letter a few times. Trying not to take alot of my feelings out of it.
Please read and provide comments.
Thanks
Jets
My Dear ww,
I love you and have always loved you. So much of you is woven into me and will always be there. You are the best thing that happened in my life. You are the person in my life that understands me the most. I love you for being the warm and sweet person that you are; you are a good mother, and a loving wife. I will look back on the 14 years as well as the 20years I have known you and try to think of only the great and wonderful times that we shared.

I was unaware of our relationship problems. We both have made mistakes in our marriage. I did not purposely mean to hurt you in anyway by the way with my mistakes. You are truly the last person I would want to hurt. I realize that I helped in pushing you away from me and to lose those feelings for me by the way I acted and not be able to give you what you wanted. I am truly sorry for this and ask that you please forgive me. I am working on improving my personal issues and the mistakes I made. I know I can meet your needs and be the loving husband to you and to our family.

Every time you contact M, I feel so hurt that my love for you is starting to erode. I cannot let this happen. I need to protect my love for you. I cannot have contact with you while you are involved with M. I will only be talking to you as a co-parent for our two beautiful kids. I will be cordial and polite anytime I am around you. I will not have contact or discussions with you unless we are discussing co-parenting issues or finances.

When picking the kids up or dropping them off from school or your apt. we should continue to do what we are presently doing. We will continue to co share expenses for the kids as was agreed. For the sake of A and J I am asking you to attend their sporting events and other activities without M. As we discussed and legally noted I do not want M present in your apt. while you have A and J with you for the week. I know you stated that you may go out to have dinner with M the weeks you have the kids. I ask if you could not do this for the sake of A and J. I think this would be in the best interest of the kids to not to be continually exposed to an affair relationship d/t their lack of understanding of all this. I ask you to respect my decision with all of this.

If you want a relationship with me, you must end all contact with M permanently. Once you have done that, we can discuss more about our future.

I still love you and always will. It is painful for me to know that you are involved with another man. I must protect myself from the pain I feel knowing you are with him and how it puts our family at risk. I want to be a good husband to you and good father to our kids. I want you to be happy in a lifetime relationship with me. I want us to have a better, stronger, and happier marriage than we had before; I want to be your best friend again. It will take a lot of commitment and hard work from the both of us, but my heart and gut feel it is right and we can do this. I am willing to make this commitment, once M is out of the picture.

I have not closed the door on my love for you and for us to reconcile, just as I hope you have not.

Take care, of yourself.
I will be praying for us.
With all my love,
K

might still be too long for some, but i want to really get it across to WW on how i feel.

I was unaware of our relationship problems. We both have made mistakes in our marriage. I did not purposely mean to hurt you in anyway by the way with my mistakes. You are truly the last person I would want to hurt. I realize that I helped in pushing you away from me and to lose those feelings for me by the way I acted and not be able to give you what you wanted. I am truly sorry for this and ask that you please forgive me. I am working on improving my personal issues and the mistakes I made. I know I can meet your needs and be the loving husband to you and to our family.

I know grammar and spelling are not essential here, but just a bit of basic proofing - "anyway" should be two words, and the sentence that begins with "I realize" runs on and goes a little haywire at the end.

When picking the kids up or dropping them off from school or your apt. we should continue to do what we are presently doing. We will continue to co share expenses for the kids as was agreed. For the sake of A and J I am asking you to attend their sporting events and other activities without M. As we discussed and legally noted I do not want M present in your apt. while you have A and J with you for the week. I know you stated that you may go out to have dinner with M the weeks you have the kids. I ask if you could not do this for the sake of A and J. I think this would be in the best interest of the kids to not to be continually exposed to an affair relationship d/t their lack of understanding of all this. I ask you to respect my decision with all of this.

Including the stuff about dinner as part of "my decision" might spur an emotional reaction related to the "power struggle" aspect of the affair. You might say "Please respect my decision, and my requests for the protection of A and J".

Wherever you include "all of this", you can probably just lose that phrase entirely.

Okay, gotta go. It's getting there!

GC

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: graycloud ]</small>

Thanks Gray,
Now i am going to have anyone review this.
This is the short, sweet and to the point plan B.

My Dear WW,
I have loved you and always will. I am sorry for the mistakes I made that made this affair a option for you. I cannot continue on with this relationship, while you are still involved with someone else.
It hurts me too much to know and see that you are sharing your love and life with someone else other than me. I want the book to remain open for us to reconcile, but I cannot do that as long as he remains in your life.
I will only talk with you with regards to issues with A and J and our finances.
I hope you find your happiness that you are looking for.
I will be praying for us.
I love you,
jet

I know you stated that you may go out to have dinner with M the weeks you have the kids. I ask if you could not do this for the sake of A and J. I think this would be in the best interest of the kids to not to be continually exposed to an affair relationship d/t their lack of understanding of all this.
As I wrote previously, make it very clear and very simple. "Please do not have the children around your boyfriend at anytime."

I want the book to remain open for us to reconcile, but I cannot do that as long as he remains in your life.
So you are closing the book on your relationship?
This is what you are telling her.

The second letter here is no good. You wrote it simply because you are frustrated with us/her?

Since you have posted it bunch of times and didn't do a lot wiht the rewrites, I suggest you simply use the original letter from Surviving An Affair" and change the names to yours & wife.

ok Chris i will keep reworking it.
I might just do what you said and use the letter in the book but change the names. I am trying to change this and keep it personal for her, not to sound to textbook like, because this is not me and she knows this. I guess by shortening it and simplifying it with ex with the kids and OM around, she would pretty much get what i was saying. She should because we have discussed it.
Doesn't really matter anyways because she will do what she wants with this and i may or may not find out. Even if i do not much i could do but to LB and at this stage that would do no good.
jets

she would pretty much get what i was saying.
The reason I keep making changes is that you do not want her to “pretty much get” it.
You should be very, VERY specific so there is N O room for misinterpretation.

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 01:42 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>