a letter I wrote to my WH:
Honey, I slept terribly last night.
I had a bad dream where I dreampt we were on a boat, going through Tampa, then a part of me seemed to be looking down at us on the boat, and you weren't there. Then the boat began to capsize and I was in it again. I was near a dock, and someone pulled me out of the boat and onto the dock. I felt grateful for not being sucked down into the black, bottomless water below, but didn't care that I was actually all alone on the boat. When I got on the dock, it was clear that the boat was damaged, but the damage was not visible. The guy who pulled me to the dock said he knew how to look at it and find the problem. He dove into water with a camera. As he ws under the boat, he was finding something wrong underneath and now you were next to him, looking at it. I was startled awake and knew the boat was our marriage.
Then another dream, where I dreampt that I'd called you when you were out of town - in ft Lauderdale, I think- and you showed up, traveling quite a ways to get to me, and we're in a house on a pond with a tall sea ledge.. and Alex was there. But in the dream, I am hugging you in bed, it's 3am, and once again I am both in the bed and up above looking at the bed, but you are not there - just me. I wake and find I think I'm looking straight at you - I can't believe my own eyes, however, because the me looking down at the be can see you're not there... Then Alex comes in to room, but he's 7 or 8. I pick up and hug him and take him back to bed. My dream self is wondering why he's this age again, since I know he's 18... I muse to myself it is because it was one of my favorite times.. Then I dream I'm at the seawall of the pond behind the house, and there is a giant dog, seems gentle enough, but I have know idea of what it's capable of , so I sneak away, hoping not to alert the dog and go back to my room, looking for you. But you're not there. I get Alex and Rudy to come into the room. Alex keeps changing from his current self to the 7 year old and I'm very frightened. Other dogs are also roaming the house and try to push open the door. I keep trying to close the door and lock it against their pushing, but they are clever. I keep thinking how frightened I am and how I must take care of Alex and Rudy - telling them to hide on the other side of the bed - and keep wondering, despairing, that you were not there. I was startled awake as I locked the dogs out, but they tore at the base of the door...
I knew immediately the bedroom was our relationship, I was looking for assurance and comfort and protection....
What was so weird was being the person in the dream as well as the one looking down from above at it. I was both at the same time. Very strange perspective.
I need protection, H, and I rely on you to protect me.
<small>[ November 11, 2004, 04:53 AM: Message edited by: restarting ]</small>
