<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:07 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

oh dear, I am so sorry you are here. But you are in the right place. The best thing you can do right now is read as much as you can about Plan A and start practicing those principles today.

Plan A means you do your best to meet his needs, avoid any lovebusters [angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements] and do anything to end the affair. And that means you expose the affair to key people in your lives.

Exposure is probably one of the most effective tools you have at your disposal because an affair cannot survive without secrecy. Exposure causes it to become an embarrassment. So make up a list of close family members and friends and start calling them up.

If the OW is married, call her H. If you know her parents, call them. But don't tell your H you are going to do any of this and try and do it all in one day.

In the meantime, read up on Plan A and order the book Surviving an Affair. You can order it from this website and it will be invaluable to you.

Plan A: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:07 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

From what I understand about plan A it should be done for 3-4 months. If the affair hasn't stopped at that point then switch to plan B. I could be wrong, since I am new at this myself, and my WW is deciding as I type this whether she wants to stay with me and make this M work or not. I am only 7 weeks out from DDay, but have been trying my best plan A. Been working on changing me in the process so should my WW decide to come back to me I will have changed for the better and we will never have to go through this again.

Good luck,

MIF?

Try not to listen to what your WH is saying. It is all part of the WH Script/Fog talk. Continue to proceed with your PLAN A. As long as your WS in in THE FOG, he is not himself any longer. It is as if he has been captured by an alien.

Read up on PLAN A, focus on the Emotional Needs that are now being met by the OW. Do not LB. Do not believe anything that he is saying.

Read this about plan A

Dyinghere -

Try to stay on one thread, this one. Otherwise it is hard to follow.

You are in a very good position because you found this place early. Start in Plan A, and stay there. Don't expect anything from your husband. When they think they have found their "soulmate", GAG, their brains disappear.

Are you having trouble sleeping, eating, etc? That is normal. But things will get better, and usually the WH comes back to the marriage.

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:08 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

Stay in Plan A, but OW needs to be gone. So she thinks she has done nothing wrong? Have you talked to her about coming between you and your husband?

dyinghere, I would press for the severence package and be firm about it. She does have to go. No one else is going to protect you so you need to do it yourself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No one else knows at work or in the family or friends
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your close friends and family need to know this. See, this is part of the reason he is able to carry on, because you are helping him hide his affair. Everyone should know, so spread this around. Since there is nothing wrong with the affair, according to them, this wouldn't be a problem. Expose, expose, expose....

dying:

Given that an A is like an addiction, he has to be separated from the drug--the OW.

Agree with him regarding the legitimacy of being with you since you offer stability. Play up that role as part of your PLAN A.

I would try to have as little dealings with the OW yourself as possible. She is your enemy, trying to destroy you and your family. She will use everthing you do and say against you. Unfortunately, you are now involved in a war to save your marriage.

Have you been able to figure out the primary ENs that she has been meeting for him?

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:08 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

dying, why do you think he was so unhappy with you? Is that true or is he rewriting history?

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:09 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

That stuff about being happy/alive is the drug effect of the A.

For one thing, he has spent too much time alone with a single woman especially if there was some unhappiness in your marriage. That's a high risk situation for anybody.

You might ask yourself, why he first fell in love with you? Did you change? Let us know so we can help you figure this out. It's like a puzzle that you need to put together so you can go to war against this vixen. Go back to doing the same things that formed his initial attraction to you.

Don't buy that stuff about him needing to be with a person in his same profession. That's the A fantasy that they have created.

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:09 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

I know it's hard to believe and accept especially since your WH is an intelligent person. However, given that he is involved in an A he is no longer logical and rational. It will be absolutely of no use to you to give him of the MB materials.

This is your website and your work to save your marriage. It will be helpful for you to read up on PLAN A and begin to apply those principles as soon as possible. I know that it is hard to believe that this is happening to you. It is so AWFUL!! However, for me, it was worth it to fignt for my marriage.

Start working on YOUR PLAN and we can help YOU. Try to ignore much of what your WH is saying. See him as having been kidnapped by an alien. He is not in FOGLAND and speaks ANOTHER LANGUAGE. He will not be the same again until he is out from under her spell.

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:10 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

Keep me posted on THE PLAN that you come up with this weekend.

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:10 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>