I have not talked to my husband since Monday night. The night he yelled at me he wants a divorce. Today he called me at work and asked what I was doing for lunch. I said I didn't know and asked if he wanted to go with me. He said yes. The whole time he sat at the table with his jaw clenched and this mean distant look on his face. I asked him what was wrong but he didn't answer.

Usually I would be on his case about OW, nagging and almost begging him to come home. I tried to keep the conversation light and positive. To me the way he was acting like everything was bothering him. Of course he is not going to admit it. He is living with his sister currently and calls OW about 3-4 hours every night. She lives 10 hours away so they do not see each other much. I have been trying to just let him alone to deal with his own chaos and trying to focus on myself. Expecting the worse but still hoping for the best.

Well when it was time to leave I had my three year old with me. He cried and cried. Asking his Dad over and over to come home and not to leave. That he needed him home. He did this for over 10 minutes. Holding on to my husbands shirt. He made me have tears in my eyes. It bothered me so much. My husband acted like it didn't bother him but I know it did. He kept telling our son not to cry. I was running late so I left. My son cried halfway up the road. He said he missed his daddy. I just can't see how he can look at us and not really be bothered by his actions.

I never said anything or did anything today to make my husband act distant and cold to me. I am not sure really why he acted like he did after asking me to lunch. Sometimes I don't think he knows how to act because right now he is so deep in the fog with this girl. But I am trying to give him space and hope he realizes things and comes home with the desire to try.

You did a great job. While it may seem like your WH felt nothing, that is not true. He took it all in.

It is awful how these WS's treat their children, but many, many act very poorly. Your 3 year old is very young to understand things. I have no advice there.

What really bothers me is that fact that my husband is a wonderful father and loves our children very much, but it seems he cannot see or doesn't want to let on he sees the pain they are going through.

I talked to him on instant messanger later and told him it broke my heart to see our son hurting. He said it bothered him to but he wants our son to know he loved him.

DOH:

Sorry for your pain. In all honesty I don't really have any business giving you "marriage building" advice but I will give you an opinion. I have spent many long hours reading this site and if you pour over all of these tragic stories there is ONE ALMOST UNIVERSAL THEME. Your wayward husband will eventually come back, All of these affairs usually die. They are rooted in deceit and will eventually die. It may take months, years, BUT IT WILL HAPPEN. You will get the chance to win your Husbands love and committment back. I can't predict when, but I would **ALMOST** guarantee he will be back. Other more knowledgeable posters can counsel you on the Plan A/B's or whatever, but maybe you can take solace in knowing your WH will eventually come back after his affair dies it's predtermined death. It is just really going to be up to you if you can "hold on" till his affair dies and he is ready to come back to you. YOu will never be able to plead or beg him to ever truly come bake to you, and I think you probably know this already. Good luck and I am truly sorry for your pain. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

DreamingofHappiness,

Im a little confused here. You said you hadn't spoken to H since M when he announced he wanted a D?? WHY would you meet him for lunch with the baby???

In my opinion he may have thought you were being manipulative by bringing the baby with you.....he will resent when you put baby in the mix of your M problems. It isn't really plan A at it's best to involve the children

That is just my take on what may be your H is thinking..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Blessings and prayers,
Atruheart

I work for my SIL. I take our son to work with me. He already knew he would be with me for lunch. Even though I have not spoken with my husband for a few days my son does.

We both did not expect him to react this way. But I am sure he misses his father just as I do. I do not say much to the kids. I just tell them daddy will be home soon and he loves them. I wasn't trying to be manipulative. He was glad to see him and they were both happy to spend a little time together.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I just tell them daddy will be home soon and he loves them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please stop misleading them. You don't know if he will e home soon, and if he is not, BOTH you and he will lose credibility. You don't know if he loves his children, but you do know he acting cruelly toward them. Do you want them to believe that this is an appropriate way to treat someone that you love?